Any tips out there about how to handle a spouse who likes to buy icecream and other things I like? When asked not to, the answer is , "You don't have to eat it." There are times when I sure do have to...wish it wasn't so.
I see shows where all the tempting sugary, fatty quick snacks are taken out of the house. That would be a help but how do I get my family to go along with that?!
Ugh, I battle the SAME thing. Not with a spouse, but with the entire rest of my family.
It finally came down to my mom and I sitting down with them and saying "It's either junk food in the house or both of us dying before we're supposed to." It's still a battle with my step-aunt, the diabetic who never eats anything but ice cream and Sugar Babies, but I've gotten to where I can say "No" to the literal crap I used to put into my body and grab and apple or some Laughing Cow or some a banana.
It's really hard at first, but you just have to try and make him realize how much of a temptation it is. It's like setting a 40 of Jack in front of an alcoholic and saying "But you don't have to drink it!"
Sorry to hear that... is there any way you could take over more of the grocery shopping? More work for you, I know, but you could control what is brought in.
Thank you wildfyre,
I will try that conversation (about not wanting to die early-needlessly) because I've already tried the alcohol one without success. He knows that he is addicted so I thought he could relate.
I'm sorry your step-aunt is so self destructive. It is hard to watch people doing that - and yet, I can relate.
I hope that, like you, I can say no. I just remembered that if the icecream and junk food is down in the basement we don't tend to bother getting it as much - out of side out of mind.
Thank you angieh68. Since I started working full time my work-from-home hubby has taken over the shopping. He likes doing it. He will buy healthy things if I put them on the list. Also, there is a good store where I can pick up more good stuff on my way home. If it's cleaned, and visible maybe we will grab it first. You're right that its a lot of work!
Do you have a sponsor? A sponsor who knows you, your patterns, and how you relate to your family would have some great insight into how to help you with this.
I don't know what would work in your household, but I can share what works in mine. I don't buy stuff that isn't in my food plan. If my husband or daughter want it, they go and get it. They are pretty thoughtful about only buying enough for their serving, and not leaving anything out in plain sight. They also tend to eat crap when I'm not home-- like meeting nights. I don't tell my husband what he can or cannot eat or have in the house, and in turn he's respectful of my abstinence and the challenge of maintaining it.
Thank you Marny,
I don't have a sponsor, was too intimidated to look for one in Al-Anon.
The respect you mentioned is a good reminder - I shouldn't be telling my husband what he can or cannot buy or eat. He can't fix me any more than I can fix him. I like how you've worked that out in your house. I'd rather nag family members to have better health habits than set a good example myself - as sad and useless as that is.
Have you pointed out to him that everyone in the household would benefit greatly without ice cream in the house? It is full of fat and sugar. It's not doing anyone any favors. That's how I explained it to my family. Now granted they didn't have a problem with portion control like I did, but they were agreeable.you can't really argue with the fact that junk food is just that - JUNK. I asked them that if they had to have a treat once in awhile if could they please do it outside the home. Or buy single serving items. It's been going very well. My husband (the biggest hold out) is really getting into this healthy eating now. Every single day I see him making better choices. The heatly way of life really is contagious.
Nothing is as frustrationg (and inefective) as someone else trying to change your eating habits (whether "for" their benefit or yours). My love-hate relationship with food and dieting started in kindergarten, when my mother put me on my first diet. Whenever Mom went on a diet, I was forced to as well, and watching my brother and dad eating things I wasn't allowed to would make me feel so deprived that I would sneak food after everyone else was in bed.
As an adult, I've been in the same boat as you are in now. My husband is very overweight too, and I've tried to change his eating habits, and what we buy, for "his" sake as well as my own. When I found that he had been buying junk food on the sly and binging in the car, I realized that pushing him into changing his eating habits was backfiring, just as my mother's attempts had backfired.
We've gone back and forth on how we can encourage each other without sabatoging each other, and without trying to be each other's "food police."
There isn't any easy answer, but we're finding it easier to influence each other by encouraging each other in what to eat, rather than what not to eat, and by buying individually packaged stuff like ice cream bars rather than half gallons, and 1 oz pkg of chips instead of 10 oz. We also pick out our individual snacks ourselves, and even put our names on it with a Sharpie pen, if we pick the same snack.
It's working pretty well for us, so far. But it is new, so I can't tell you how well it will work long-term, as long as we work at it, I suspect. I still have a hard time inspiring my husband to eat fruits and vegetables, but he is eating fewer processed carb snacks (he's diabetic), and if I cut an apple into pieces, he will share it with me, and sometimes he reminds me to drink my dairy.
Joyfull-
I would not have been successful in OA without a sponsor. I call her everyday. By doing that, I can't isolate and I can't "forget" about program. She knows everything about me...and still loves me. Amazing. By starting my day off by talking with her, I am centered, program focused, and feel loved. She is one of the gifts of the program.
Going to meetings and talking with my sponsor make me feel fantastic and I look forward to them.
Joyfull, it's tough to be abstinent when that kind of food is around all the time. Maybe you could take over the shopping like someone suggested?
In our family, I do all the shopping and most of the cooking and I will not buy junk food or foods that I know are hard for me to resist. I'm pretty bratty about insisting certain foods not be in the house and they've been respectful for the most part.
Since we've been eating healthier, I notice my son (9yrs) going for more fresh fruit, raisins, nuts, yogurt, whole wheat bagels w/peanut butter as that's the choice for snacks since the junk is gone. We made homemade popsicles out of smoothies and really sweet juices like pineapple juice and he loves them after dinner or as a snack. Every Fri night we do root beer as a treat (and a burping contest as long as there were no burps or rude behavior at the table during the week-I stole this idea from a friend).
They went out last weekend without me and I know they stopped for burgers and fries for lunch which I really appreciate because I didn't have to be tempted.
I really can't have foods even in individual serving sizes like ice cream bars or pudding in the house. Maybe someday I'll be able to but not right now. I do occasionally buy treats for them that I don't like. They like all that gooey gummy candy which I can't stand and my son likes to have at least one junky thing to offer his friends so we don't seem like complete geeks
Non Supportive Spouse
