Weight Loss Support - Issue w. Rude Female Co-Worker

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01-11-2007, 03:08 PM
Hello y'all! I wanted to get some opinions and feedback regarding an on-going issue at work. I am a member of a small team in a corp. setting. My female team member continues to be caddy, immature and rude concerning sweet treats here in the office.

EX: Today there is a large cake to celebrate all the people that have a birthday this month. My co-worker is well aware that I am really working on losing weight and eating extremely clean (I pack my breakfast, lunch and afternoon snack every single day without fail). As soon as she hears that there's cake in the break room she makes a b-line for it (she is also very thin and brags about how much junk she can eat and not gain a pound). I stayed in my chair and continued my work. She comes back with her slice and asked me to turn around so I can look at how great the cake looks. I tell her no thanks, and she then proceeds to tell me every detail about how delious the cake is. It was such a obvious dig on me I wanted to turn around and just smack her!

This is just one of many such instances where I feel like she goes over and above trying to make me envious of her eating what she wants. I don't want to sink to her level of childish, immature behavior but I also want to call her out and maybe make her aware of her B.S towards me trying to lose weight. She and I have even talked about women turning on other women and their efforts to lose. Any suggestions??? Thanks for listening (and p.s- I didn't turn around , nor did I break down and get a slice)!!!

01-11-2007, 03:44 PM
Wow. That doesn't sound like someone who just "doesn't realize" what they're doing to you. That was deliberate sabotaging behavior.

I'd suggest pointing out to her how juvenile it makes her sound. I'd say something like "Listen, I've noticed recently how you seem to think it's funny to taunt me with food. It kind of reminds me of being back in the fourth grade; you remember how kids were at that age? Anyway, I just though it'd be better for everyone if we could treat each other like adults. Please try to respect my choices about food in the future."

And kudos to you and your self-control. I seriously WOULD have smacked her. Or at the very least gotten up and in her face with some VERY intimidating body language.

01-11-2007, 03:47 PM
Just this once, go ahead and smack her. Not really, the other ladies have given you great advice. WTG on resisting.

01-11-2007, 03:49 PM
"no thank you, My doctor discovered that I have a terrible allergy to _______(insert food product or ingredient name). Eating it or being in the same room with it, can cause a severe allergic reaction for me"....

maybe this would make her shut up and move on with her cake to another room.

Or you might try the more direct approach if she's so catty......"STOP! YOUR CONSTANT OBSESSION WITH FOOD IS REALLY ANNOYING ME".

congrats on rising above her and the cake.

01-11-2007, 04:00 PM
I would just tell her to knock it off. She knows exactly what she's doing, whether she plays dumb or not.

01-11-2007, 04:31 PM
What is wrong with people?? She is not a very nice person. Everyone has given you great advice on what to say to her if you want to say something. If I was in that situation I'd probably just ignore her, but I'm a wuss when it comes to saying things that are on my mind. Just remember, misery loves company, she may be skinny, but maybe she has a food obsession and isn't as happy as she makes herself out to be. Great job on resisting!! You should be very proud of yourself, that's awesome!

01-11-2007, 04:32 PM
Next time she tries to make you look at her food and goes on about how good it is turn and look and then go "...oh my gawd, I think I saw a spider on that bite you just took!!"


Or if you think you can do it and still resist, turn and sit as close to her as possible and watch her eat every last bite. Put your face forward and follow the fork from the plate to her mouth. Make her feel stupid and awkward about eating.

01-11-2007, 05:08 PM
I'm the kind of person who would just say, "it sounds wonderful but I'm not hungry or I have X to eat, thanks anyway" or I would ingore her...

people like this FEED off reactions, ingoring her is probably the best way to get rid of her - but I learned that a long time ago. When I went through school everyone was like this towards me because I was the largest, I learned that when I ingored them - they stopped. It's not always the case though.

01-11-2007, 05:15 PM
I'd remind her that just because cake doesn't make her fat, it can rot her teeth out of her head, cause her diabetes which can rot her leg off etc etc. I am sorry, I know you have to work with this woman on a daily basis, but what she is doing is plain rude adn she needs to be put in her place. In all seriousness, you need to confront the little snot and tell her you don't appreciate her trying to make it harder for you that though she may not care about bettering herself, you are trying hard to do it and her comments are not only hurtful, but ugly and make her catty. If it continues, I would request a desk change and be blunt about why you want to move! I worked for a law firm and my desk was across from the kitchen. That was **** enough without someone being demeaning!

If you feel you cannot be honest with her for whatever reason, be rude and pretend she isn't there including answering her questions or even speaking to her. You will get the opportunity to tell her off soon enough because people like her crave attention and not getting it will drive her NUTS!

01-11-2007, 05:22 PM
"I'm really getting concerned about your obsession with food. I hear the company has a great mental health policy, maybe you should check it out. Remember, the first step in confronting a problem like yours is admitting you have a problem."

01-11-2007, 05:55 PM
"I'm really getting concerned about your obsession with food. I hear the company has a great mental health policy, maybe you should check it out. Remember, the first step in confronting a problem like yours is admitting you have a problem."

:rofl: :lol3: :rofl: :lol3: :rofl: :lol3: :rofl:

That's great advice! I love it!

01-11-2007, 06:21 PM
:rofl: ejm, you are my hero! :lol:

01-11-2007, 06:28 PM
"Wow, that does look really good. You should get yourself a second piece. I'm sure they can spare it. Feel free to take mine! I'm not in the mood for cake right now."

01-11-2007, 06:32 PM
Yup, I might have smacked her.... and thats too bad that she thinks just cause she isn't overweight that gives her a free pass to eat whatever she wants... truthfully thin doesn't necessarily mean healthy....she'll be wishing she didn't eat like it didn't matter when she realizes she has a whole bunch of clogged arteries! As far as confronting her... it sounds like she is being deliberate in waving food in front of your face and making you uncomfortable at work...sounds like harassment to me, you have every right to ask her to stop, just be professional about it.
I'm lucky I work in a very laid back environment and everyone here knows I'm trying to lose weight and occasionally something will get waved in front of me...its never deliberately to make me feel bad but I always call them on it...did I mention my office is mostly women and none of them are thin! Every time my boss waves food at me I look at her and say 'I'm sorry...did I blow smoke in your face when you quit? No, I don't think so back off with the chocolate!'

01-11-2007, 08:34 PM
Gogirl, I love it!

Yogachick30, what goes around comes around, is all I can say. She is going to keep on teasing you because she knows it bothers you. Laugh at her. Agree with her. "Yeah, that looks really great--it will look even better when you're wearing it." Remember, time catches up with some people . . . The shoe may be on the other foot someday.


01-12-2007, 09:00 AM
Or if you think you can do it and still resist, turn and sit as close to her as possible and watch her eat every last bite. Put your face forward and follow the fork from the plate to her mouth. Make her feel stupid and awkward about eating.
Hee! Love it!
"I'm really getting concerned about your obsession with food. I hear the company has a great mental health policy, maybe you should check it out. Remember, the first step in confronting a problem like yours is admitting you have a problem."

And this is CLASSIC! You'd have to do it with a totally staight face though. Maybe practice in the mirror ;)

01-12-2007, 09:19 AM
Or you could go for the gentle, "That cake is yummy-looking, but wow, what a sugar spike...if I ate a piece that big I'd feel like crap the rest of the day. I don't know how you do it..."

And eyeball the piece as if she were stuffing the whole cake down her gullet. :)

01-12-2007, 09:54 AM
Alternatively - "Wow! This roasted vegetable and hummous sandwhich is SOOOOOOOOOO great, you know you really should try some vegetables some time!"

01-12-2007, 10:03 AM
I'm continually amazed at people and the comments and actions that they say and do. Sometimes I just stare at people after they say something or do a strange thing. I usually can't come up with any good comments at the time because I honestly am so shocked at people's behavior so much of the time!

This person definitely enjoys her behavior. She obviously has very little caring for others and probably feels generally pretty bad about herself as a person. People who have a good self image don't need to act rudely, and they certainly are savy of the feelings of others.

This one is a LOSER! Don't worry for one more millisecond over her. She'll be put in her place by someone who is better than her at making people feel small, and it probably will happen sooner than later. What goes around, comes around...guaranteed!

Learn from this experience and treat her and others so kindly that RUDE GIRL will shrivel right up!


01-12-2007, 10:22 AM
She's only doing it because she knows it bugs you. I would have asked her what flavor the frosting was or something along those lines. I would have most certainly turned around and looked at her. Why not? Why give her more power over you than she has? You're the only one empowering her.

And why couldn't you have a slice? You can figure out the calories in a slice of cake pretty much. I just don't get that deprivation thing. If you wanted the cake, you should have had a slice. And if you didn't want the cake, then it wouldn't have upset you so much.

I work with a bunch of guys and last night one of them broke open his Ben & Jerry's ice cream. When he finished it, I took the carton and looked at the nutrition info on it.

I don't think anyone should go without enjoying their food because I'm counting calories.

Again, you are giving her all the power here.

01-12-2007, 10:24 AM
I agree with Courtnie, women like this one feed off your reaction. I'd smile politely then ignore her. I still get amazed when grown women act in this catty, *****y nature but they do. You're better than she is anyway, you don't have to make people feel bad to feel good about yourself.

01-12-2007, 10:32 AM
Just remember you can always lose weight, but she will always be stupid! Fat isn't forever but ignorance is!


01-12-2007, 10:42 AM
Oh my! I have really enjoyed reading this thread! You've been given some really really good advice and I have to concur with what everyone is saying. Basically, IMHO....this woman is a bully and the best way to confront a bully is to not let them know they are getting to you. She'll stop when its not fun anymore or when she sees that she's not getting any control over you.

01-12-2007, 10:42 AM
Just remember you can always lose weight, but she will always be stupid! Fat isn't forever but ignorance is!


Yep! As Ron White says: "You can't fix stupid!"

Is that really me
01-12-2007, 11:55 AM
I completely agree Absolute Diva. The only way this woman will stop is if you stop letting it bug you. By not turning around this chicky knows how much she's getting to you. Without saying one word, stand up, look her directly in the eye, look down at the cake, then look at her butt, raise one eyebrow, then turn and walk away. And the next time she does this simple say nothing. Not one word. But look at her, face her and don't let her have the upper hand. She will soon tire of the whole game.


01-14-2007, 11:35 PM
Try this "Wow, that's pretty cool that you can eat all that, but I am not putting that sort of (insert your preference of crap, junk, Sh*t, nasty trash what-have-you). I'm just not the type for instant gratification and bragging; I'm more an a long-term happiness and payoff type of woman, ya know (insert coworkers name= holding her responsible for her response or lack thereof.)."

01-15-2007, 01:32 AM
It stinks that the "what we would like to say" and the "what we can professionally say" are two different things. I would love to tell her how bad I will feel when her age catches up and slows her metabolism and her eating habits eventually catch up to her. My sister had a similar comment to one posted earlier -- "I can always lose weight, you will unfortunately always be ugly". You could tell her, sorry but I have much more important things to do waste my time eating snacks at work. But, I agree with a bunch of people, she does it for attention and, like my 3 year old, if you ignore her bad behavior, she won't reap the benefits and will likely move on to someone else. I bet she's jealous of your strength (sticking to your diet) and is trying to sabatage you!! Obviously there is an area of her life that is terribly lacking!!!

Beach Patrol
01-15-2007, 11:20 AM
The majority of folks here are MUCH NICER than I would be, that I can tell you!

"Why don't you shove that cake up your a**??????? That's where it ends up anyway." That's about the most fun thing I would say!!

01-15-2007, 01:01 PM
A response I used when people do similar things is "my maybe that is why your thighs (or some other body part) are getting a little chunky". I find that people like that are really self concious about their own body and that is why they harass other people about food. Or since she always says she can eat whatever she wants then you could say something like "really i'm suprised it looks like you've been gaining a little weight you might want to work on that".

01-15-2007, 04:41 PM
I encounter a lot of women at work who feel the need to comment on how I eat, I mostly just blow it off, not much I can really say without causing more trouble than it's worth. I'm not sure why people feel they have the right to talk about that stuff - maybe its possible they have nothing better to talk about? One thing thats really worked for me is telling people that my taste buds have changed and that eating things with sugar and wheat just make me ill to my stomach. I've also bought out the whole "I have an upset stomach today and don't want to put anything unhealthy into it" thing.

Goodluck, and just remember - you ARE the better person. Don't sink to her level.


01-15-2007, 06:27 PM
Look directly into her eyes and say with a sincerely concerned voice: "I wonder why you need to do this? You seem to need to embarass me about my eating plan, why is that?"

That usually smokes them out of their sniper's nest...;)


01-16-2007, 07:36 AM
All of these posts show just how angry comments and behavior like this can make us. But I would just like to raise my hand in favor of not making remarks about the woman's body in retaliation. That's the kind of behavior that has hurt so many of us when coming at us from others. So I'm hoping we can break the cycle of hurtful comments about other women's thighs, weight, destiny, and so forth. There must be a better way of dealing with the co-worker's behavior, even though it would feel really good to slam her.


01-16-2007, 08:59 AM
Jay -- I wish I could work with you!! I think you hit a point I missed -- she's being obnoxious to someone -- why lower to her level by responding back to her.

01-16-2007, 02:33 PM
thank you all so much for the varied responses! I agree that it is not the right thing to do to comment about her weight or possibility of a weight issue in the future. I like looking directly at her and asking her why she feels the need to make my weight loss journey more difficult. Why does she take pleasure in my struggle?

Thanks again for everyone who responded. There are quite a few characters on these boards and some very witty ones as well!!!!

01-17-2007, 08:09 AM
^-^ You can still be professional and put and end to ill-treatment... it's all about the way you approach it! ^-~ Take a fun minute to log a few responses so you will be ready with a quip when needed. Too many people think that it is okay to talk treat heavy people (women especially) poorly.