100 lb. Club - To tell friends & Family, or NOT to tell????
01-05-2007, 11:50 AM
I'm sure a lot of you have been thru this January diet committment thing before, I know I have ~ I get completely and utterly convinced that THIS time, this will be the golden time of my life where I figure everything out and get control over food.
And I share this with friends and family, about how I plan to do A, B and C. and then of course by February I'm back to the old ways. They're all way too nice to say "ummmmmmmmm you're still FAT...why'd you STOP????" LOL
So, even though I know how important support from loved ones is, I'm wondering what people's thoughts are about it????? do you ALWAYS tell them or just go along your merry way and don't make a big issue out of it? I'd hate for them to ever thing "oh lord there she goes again":o
01-05-2007, 11:59 AM
That is a hard call here too. I have decided that this time I am not on a diet, I am changing my life. So therefore, I am not telling them I am "on a diet". I have not said anything to anyone other than those who I am very close to. I think it will be more fun to see their faces when they see how I look in a few months. ;) I needed a support system, and I made sure I had that in place when I started this journey. Those people are the only ones that need to know my plan!
01-05-2007, 12:05 PM
I wondered the same thing, so I didn't say anything to anyone just to see if I WAS going to stay on track! After losing about 15 pounds I had my first person say, "Hey, Cheryl! You are losing weight, girl!" I REALLY was excited because it was a guy I worked with who always "tells it like it is" and NEVER says things just to flatter someone.
That was a HUGE jumpstart for me, and I really got going on my walking and watching what I ate after that comment!
People's comments can have a HUGE impact!
After I had lost 25 pounds MANY people mentioned that I had lost weight, but it was that first comment that really spurred me onward!
My son and his fiancee are athletes. I get a lot of support from them and get a lot of tips from them, too, especially with healthy eating.
In my opinion,I guess my answer to you would be to NOT give any hateful, unsupportive individuals any ammunition that they can use against you. If you have supportive people then go for it! Supportive people can really boost you up and keep you motivated. Unsupportive/envious/snotty people can really bring you down and can head you down the road to emotional eating. I know!
Good luck! You can do this!:carrot:
01-05-2007, 12:22 PM
My inlaws and parents knew...and a few of my very close friends. As people started to notice the weight loss I would tell them I have been on a diet...
It took a long time before anyone really noticed my weight loss. My husband and I both lost weight.. Most everyone noticed his way before mine...
01-05-2007, 12:27 PM
I didn't say anything for the first month for the exact reasons you mentioned. Then they noticed on their own... :)
01-05-2007, 12:34 PM
I didn't tell my relatives until I'd already lost quite a bit. They saw me and started asking questions. Then, I told them. I didn't want to deal with the negativity. I couldn't bare to hear them say "OH, you've tried a million times to lose weight and it never works". My DH and kids did know from the start but they hadn't seen me try to lose weight before.
01-05-2007, 12:34 PM
I've always told my family when I'm on a "diet" and since I never succeed,they bring it up and I'm left looking like a failure and an idiot. This time,I haven't said anything except my mom and I'm sure she's told a few relatives that I'm on a "diet" but the thing is I am not only planning on losing weight,I wanna change my whole life. This is a transformation--a lifestyle change. So she can call it a diet if she wants,but I know this is something that will affect the rest of my life. It's about my health. Honestly,I don't think I would've cared as much if it was just about getting rid of fat. Yes,I wanna get rid of fat but I want to be healthy more than anything. I don't wanna struggle to breathe and run out of breath after walking for a few minutes anymore. I wanna run a marathon someday! Only I can bring forth any changes in my body because it is MY body,my temple,and nobody else is responsible for it. So if I don't do anything for it,I'm screwed. I want to keep living in this temple (my body) for as many years as I possibly can and I'm on my way to making it happen. Eventually my family will notice a change and if they ask,I'll then explain about my lifestyle change and how I finally decided it was time and all that good stuff they'd wanna know. Good luck on your journey!
01-05-2007, 12:40 PM
I keep it too myself. I've failed for 30yr so don't talk about it anymore unless asked.
01-05-2007, 12:44 PM
Everybody knows...I've not kept it a secret. For the most part, my family is incredibly supportive. I'm sure there are those who are thinking "Yeah, I've heard this before!"....but, you know what....I really don't care. This is for me. As long as you arent avoiding telling anybody because you want to give yourself an "out.".....you know, "if nobody knows I was on a diet, it doesnt matter if I quit"...then I dont think it really matters if you tell them or not. If you think they will try to sabotage you or bring you down and that will hinder your progress, then you might want to keep quiet. You can always talk about it with us.:)
wanna b thin
01-05-2007, 12:50 PM
When I started back at WW, my husband, my sisters and my kids are the only ones I mentioned it to. They are all very supportive. My husbands family never says much and are not very encourging at all. I was so annoyed when I was loosing well before I said something about WW to my size 3 SIL, her reply was "Oh is that working for you?". I had lost 50 lbs at that point and most people were noticing without my saying anything. I don't need that type of respond so I just don't say much to those I know are not supportive.
01-05-2007, 01:26 PM
I haven't told anyone I'm on a diet, because I'm not. I've changed my habits permanently. Actually, one of my coworkers asked me today if I was dieting and I told him no, but I am eating healthy. Everyone knows that I have changed my diet, though. I would only tell people that would be supportive. "I can't eat that" works really well for those that wouldn't be (or "I'm allergic to that").
01-05-2007, 01:26 PM
I also didn't tell anyone this time around. Only my mom knew that I was seeing a dietician and trying to eat better. When people started noticing, I thanked them and if they asked me I would tell them I was working on it. It definitely worked better that way for me.
01-05-2007, 01:34 PM
I would only tell those immediate people living in my household. That is whose support you really, really need. Like ummm, no bringing any junk into the house. You don't need people scrutinizing everything you do. They will catch on soon enough when they seeing you dropping the weight!!!!
01-05-2007, 01:40 PM
My SIL is the same way.. She was always very thin and had a remake about every ones weight and butt size.. I have lost 95 lbs and still she has not said a word.. She herself is now getting on the heavy side.. SHE CANT SEE THAT EITHER....
01-05-2007, 02:10 PM
I stopped telling people outside of my household when our receptionist appointed herself the Office Food Cop. (She also made fun of me for, of all things, riding my bike, so she's just evil anyway.)
That was a year or so ago. Now, I just make sure the Other Human is on board. If he blabs to the judgmental people in HIS family, I'm going to try very hard to make it Not My Problem.
01-05-2007, 02:14 PM
Trazey, I think it depends totally on the individual. If you don't feel confortable, for whatever reason, announcing it to the world, don't.
But, for me, I've told my husband of course, my son and daughter know and I've told a few co-workers and several close friends because I'm going to need their support when times get tough, and with as much as I have to lose I know there are going to be some tough times ahead.
However, if I thought for one minute any of these people would not be positive and supportive, or worse -- tried to sabotage my plans -- I'd wouldn't have told them.
Even if this is the 1,000th time you've "started over" pretend its the first!
F. Scott Fitzgerald, who fought demons of a different kind, once said: "Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over."
01-05-2007, 02:21 PM
Such an excellent question. About 4 years ago I lost nearly 80 lbs and EVERYONE had a comment. Now that I have put it all back on I am sure they all do, now it is just not to my face.
I am honest with about 3 people. And those are the people who know and love me the best. They also happen to be the people I eat with frequently. Lets face it. They are going to notice me switching from giant plates of pasta to a more moderate portion of lean meat and veggies.
The rest well....I just let it be. Remember success is a journey not a destination. Weightloss is not a one time thing. It is a constant life choice. It would be like telling them. I decided to breathe today. That is what your doing. Trying to let the inner you out to breathe......
01-05-2007, 03:19 PM
I didn't tell a soul. Not even DH! I decided this was for ME and that's how I wanted to keep it. Now everyone comments whenever they see me, but I still insist that I am NOT on a diet.....I've changed my lifestyle. Enough Said!
01-05-2007, 04:10 PM
Good question! I have told everyone in the past and felt like I'd failed when the diet failed (notice I didn't say I failed isn't that a good way of looking at it?!). This time I decided I wouldn't talk about it with anyone - I would just do it. People do notice and then you might be more ready to talk about it - people tend to think it's rude to comment on your weight and say you look 'healthy'! If you have a feeling that you might have some sabateours in your midst it might be good to hold of discussing it until you are feeling really strong in your programme. Lots of sibling rivalry in my family and none of my sisters mentioned my very noticeable weight loss - one has more recently but that was after losing around 100lbs! At the start of my program two years ago I did tell one of my sisters that I intended to change my habits and she bought me around four different chocolate items for my birthday (two boxes of chocs, and two other things!) and presented them to me. I gave them back and said sorry but I'm not eating like that anymore and think she got the message! Actions speak louder than words!!!
Good luck with it all
01-05-2007, 05:14 PM
Thanks for all the great replies! I had lunch out (grilled chicken & side salad, dressing on the side LOL) and my "big friend" had the same thing - normally we would have had the giant burger, fries and chocolate cake! we decided the most important thing was seeing each other, laughing, and lingering over a cup of tea, NOT the salad we had!
The "tell or not" thing is on my mind, simply because I hate feeling like a failure! My family is SUPER DUPER supportive, if i lost an OUNCE they'd hold a parade and slap me on the back LOL, no they would never sabotage just support -- but i always feel i let them down :(
So this time I think I'm gonna keep quiet, except with my "big girl" gal pal who's doing it too, and then just have it be a pleasant surprise for them!
thanks for the great encouraging words - you guys are TOO much!
wanna b thin
01-05-2007, 05:33 PM
Best of luck to you Trazey, It sounds like you are ready.
See you around the board.
01-05-2007, 05:38 PM
Everyone in my home town knows. :) I'm so serious. People I barely know call my house and tell me they saw me walking and that I am looking good. My mom's a bit of a blabber-mouth, so her huge circle of friends hears about my loss all the time. I'm a bit of a blabber-mouth too ;), so it tends to come up in most of my convos. Luckily, I don't have any toxic people in my life who would use it to hurt me. (Thank goodness!!)
I did have to have a talk with my immediate family about the type of support I need and want. Only positive comments. NO negative remarks on my food choices or quantity. NO negative remarks PERIOD!! Negative comments (especially about food) from the people I love send me straight to the fridge. Constructive criticism is ok, but they have to give it to me privately. No public comments about my food choices (ie No restuarant/party commentary).
In the beginning, I had to point out what was helpful and what was (unintentionally) hurtful. I couldn't expect them to just know when something hurt, I had to tell them.
Their support now is wonderful and exactly what I need to keep going. So I say tell, but only if you can count on them to support YOU in the way YOU need. Because this is about YOU. :)
ETA: The laying down the law with the comments has improved my relationship with my Mom beyond words. We communicate SO much better now! It's awesome!
01-05-2007, 05:55 PM
I'm going through the same thing, I decided to tell my boyfriend because he has always been my biggest supporter. Unfortunately, he told his family so now I feel like I am under so much pressure but it's also inspiration at the same time.
01-05-2007, 05:55 PM
I debated the same thing. My family is also very supportive (however everyone except my Dad and one of my sisters are larger people so it's hard dieting around them). When I first changed my lifestyle I didn't tell anyone because I was away at school. When I moved closer to my family they started to notice that I had changed my eating habits and lost weight. Now it seems like everyone knows because it's not like you can (or would want to) hide the weight loss. Give yourself some time and you wont need to tell people they will just know.
01-05-2007, 07:23 PM
I've only told my brother because he lives with me and he's trying to lose too. I've decided that this is not about them, it's about me, so they will find out as I lose.
01-05-2007, 09:13 PM
i am so secretive. i didn't tell a soul. and obviously that worked for me. people noticed the weight loss themselves...and that made it special. they were cautious and polite about it. their comments are often meant to prompt me to talk more about it. but i just thank them and move on. i love the comments although i might be discouraging people from bringing it up...so that might be a factor in who you tell and how you talk about it.
01-05-2007, 10:24 PM
I was wondering wether to tell my friends and family i'm trying to make the change again and lose the weight i've been so gung ho before told everyone did well fell off gained the weight back i figure they say yeah right when i say i'm gonna do this.. so i don't think i'm gonna tell them until i'm well on my way.. but then again if they were really supportive i'd tell them for the support.. guess it's different in every situation it's a hard call..
01-05-2007, 11:09 PM
As long as you arent avoiding telling anybody because you want to give yourself an "out.".....you know, "if nobody knows I was on a diet, it doesnt matter if I quit"...then I dont think it really matters if you tell them or not.
That is an excellent point of clarification!