Originally Posted by mainecyn
I understand what your saying about needing to gain control. In the course of three weeks Ive gained 15lbs. Ive been binging constantly with no control, getting reckless and crashed in a ball of fire after falling off the tracks it was more than falling off the wagon. The sad thing is that each binge just gets bigger and bigger, last longer, and causes more damage. I don't know what made me go down this path, what made my ocassional over eating into a huge addiction of binging but I wish I could go back. I Hate myself and what ive become, disgusting, horrible, I don't know if I'm ever going to over come this.
Mainecyn: I absolutely know how it feels to have bigger and bigger binges. I started leaving things out, too, before I stopped binging at the end of November. I really wanted my husband to start questioning me about my behavior. My husband said to me that it seemed my eating situation was darkest before the dawn. I pray that it goes similarly for you, too.
YOU are NOT
disgusting and horrible; although, I know why you say so. It was hard for me to not believe that I was disgusting and horrible when I would go digging through the outside garbage for parts of binges I had previously thrown out in a desperate effort to STOP EATING. In high school, I would dig through the garbage cans IN THE HALLS to find sweets that non-addicted eaters had thrown out. I'm serious. As embarrassing as that is to reveal, I just really want you to know that I empathize with you and hope you will continue to come here (even during a binge, as you say) to share what's going on for you.
Take care of yourself.