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Old 07-31-2013, 01:45 AM   #6
garnettac
Started IP July 2013
 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Massachusets
Posts: 40

S/C/G: 329/265/154

Height: 5'8"

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I have been heavy since I was in middle school. I was sexually abused by a relative and I deliberately got fat because he liked the fact that I was slender. Although I have dealt with most of the issues caused by the abuse I never really dealt with the fat equals safety one; I think that started the trend of eating for comfort and I have never really stopped. In my early twenties I lost a lot of weight after a really traumatic break up and tons of exercise. I was young, weighed a really toned 154 and felt great. I went out with some friends and found myself in another crappy situation. After that I just never considered being thin a good thing. Now, in my late forties, diabetic, with high cholesterol, facing the probability of heart disease once I hit menopause, and married to a man I love who faces many of the same challenges, we both just decided we had to either go for it or consciously decide to eat ourselves to death. Every one of my little NSV makes that little voice in the back of my head mutter and try to tempt me back to "safety." I am using journaling to try and keep my self awareness up and my husband is fully supportive as well. I know I may need to address some things with counseling at some point but I am taking this one day at a time and so far so good.
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