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Old 05-30-2013, 01:55 AM   #1
Starting again
shishkeberry's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 787

S/C/G: 289/ticker/128

Height: 5'4"

Default bulimic? I think so

Posting on my phone late at night so I apologize if this is crazy/illegible.
I can't really deny it any more. I think I am bulimic. I mean, throwing up at least once daily after a binge can't really be considered anything else, right? it started out slowly. I'd purge after a binge because I was sooo uncomfortably full that I just wanted to feel comfortable. maybe once a week. but then I started doing it daily. and it's getting easier to justify a binge because hey, I'll just puke it up, right? and lucky me (not) I'm one of those people that can force food up with stomach contractions so I don't even have to try very hard. I know this is a problem and I know I should just stop. my husband has his suspicions but I don't think he realizes how bad it is. I don't know what to do. I'm not ready to go back to therapy. I have zero energy to do anything. I'm on Zoloft which is helping a ton with my moods and emotions, but has done nothing to counter my lethargy. I wish it was still 2011. I was doing so well that year. and then I quit smoking and all I can do is stay afloat. I want to lose weight again but there's a huge hole where cigarettes used to go. I fill it with food now.

this sucks

Current mini-goal: Get back to where I was in February (205)

Positive things I need to remember:
I'm at a better starting point since I didn't gain it all back yet.
I quit smoking cold turkey in Nov 2011.
I'm still trying so I can't say I've failed.
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