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Old 05-25-2013, 05:46 PM   #9
loser59
Florence
 
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 77

S/C/G: 155/152/132

Height: 5'6''

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thank you very much for your reply!!
you are right, maybe "no motivation" is another bad excuse... maybe i am so afraid (of trying? of succeeding? of feeling good about myself? all of them?) that i sabbotage myself...

friday i woke up thinking good. i weighed and i was actually down a pound! (and i haven't even really tried to lose, i don't know how it happened)... at noon my bf invited me for lunch... and couldnt say no (or saw a good way to again, sabbotage myself). i didn't eat that much, i didn't try to overeat... but i guess it set up this bad attitude for the rest of the day, and also saturday.

i don't even want to analyze it. i am so tired of it. all i know is my bf today told me to go to the beach, and i don't even want to get close to the beach
this thing has always interfeered with my life (cause i never feel comfortable to go out). yup, classic "armor" theory. when i was alone, i was kind of not losing anything. but now that i have someone, ...i am ruining the relationship. cause i don't want to go out, i sound depressed, i don't want to do things...
and reality is i feel down and like hiding.

i feel stupid saying "i am starting tomorrow" because i have said this every day for the past 15 years!!!!!!!!!!

i say i am starting tomorrow, almost convinced i will say it again next week

so maybe yes, i need to make small changes.

so tomorrow... i need to do things right: eat a god breakfast. take fruit to work. stick to salad and cottage at work (and if we are not eating together, make a salad for myself). get back home and either eat a fruit if i go running, and if i don't, eat yogurt (i say this cause i am supposed to get my period, and i am not so keen on running while on my period :/ )

i want to reduce carbs and eat more protein. i think maybe i have not noticed but we sort of eat too much carbs and not enough protein... so def want to start eating one yogurt a day, and some meat at night... although it should be at lunch,... maybe i REALLY REALLY need to bring my own lunch...

anyway... we will see...
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