oh my goodness krampus what you have just said has helped me sort things out like you have no idea. I like your distinction between routine and diet. I have routines too and was starting to feel confused if those things meant diet.
Also I am having an epiphany this morning and that is that I hold on to the belief that I "should be able to just want 1 cookie" and what I realized that even as a child i could eat quite a bit of these things in a sitting. I have always gone back and forth in my mind about why overeating takes place. I have thought sometimes it's because of telling myself i could not have those things and so try re-incorporating them and then finding I still want alot. And then I hear of that these foods are have addictive properties that trigger endorphins and such and that is why we want to overeate them. so then I think it confirms banning them. Now though I can see it is both. Banning things make us want them more, and these things are harder to consume in moderation which is why even as a child when I ate them, I tended to eat quite abit.
I can see the only answer to this is that banning them is bad, and that having the expectation that you will never overeat them if you allow them is also bad. Yes as a child I would eat maybe a whole bag of chips or 7 oreos at a time sometimes, but I didn't think about it after. It was only after thinking about it and critisizing myself for having so many that the binging started. Fear of those foods started. My epiphany of today is that I have to accept that I will eat more than i think i should sometimes. That has been a big thing keeping me from getting over the disordered eating. I have wanted to believe so badly that I would never overeat, or never want to overeat. I think admitting that it is normal to overeat at times, especially on things like chips and cookies, it is a big thing in overcoming the eating disorder.
For a whole day I was asking why oh why did I want so many chips after not counting calories and restricting foods. And the answer is simply that normal people overeat at times and to accept this. Suddenly I don't feel so bad.
And also, thanks for saying you don't dangle tempting trigger-y foods in your line of site and force myself to have only a little. I was wondering at work when i felt completely satisfied with my luch if I was supposed to force myself to have the donut and chocolate bar simply to prove to myself I could have it.
I think I am really making progress here. It is certainly a different way of thinking about everything and somtimes my brain feels strained in the same way it does when I am working through a complex math problem. I have tried giving up calorie counting before, I have tried incorporating previoiusly banned foods, but never ever before have I accepted that sometimes people just overeat and that I too will just sometimes overeat. I have always tried to find a solution to this where no solution exists. Honestly I feel enlightened by accepting that there is no magic diet, way of eating, way of thinking that will guarantee we will never overeat. And that is so freeing.