I'm uncomfortable telling anyone else how she should feel about her body and how she should feel about her weight.
And if you're okay with it, were you always okay when you were bigger and were at the receiving end of what played at well-meaning advice ("you'd be healthier!")
I can live with curvy being used as a body-positive euphemism for "fat and okay with it". And I say that as a 32FF--i.e., I am accurately described as curvy (if you like that kind of thing you'll think that I won that bit of the genetic lottery) and I am not fat.
Last edited by MariaMaria; 12-04-2011 at 02:10 PM.
LOL If maybe I was curvy, then maybe I'd be proud of it. But I'm not. I'll never be one of those gorgeous plus-sized models with the wonderful, tan, smooth skin and shapely figure. Nope.
I have always been what I call "lumpy." I'm not fooling myself here like some people do (I've seen it too). I don't buy the "bigger is better" concept that I've seen on some tv shows, like those dance clubs or bars specifically only for bigger women (anybody seen this?). If some women can convince themselves that they're happy that way, alright then. But I'll never convince myself of that and I'll never be able to hide behind a belief like that. I have too much harsh, cruel honesty with myself.
I don't even think if/WHEN I lose weight that I'll have the body type that would be "curvy" and beautiful. I'm an apple or, more likely, a pear. I'm not going to hold my breath for that envied hour-glass shape. I just want less lumps and rolls! :-P
I'm uncomfortable telling anyone else how she should feel about her body and how she should feel about her weight.
yes, I feel that. and I feel that OP should be proud of the work she did to lose the weight, esp considering it's been a lifelong struggle.
and I agree that FB is a bad forum for that kind of pronouncement. I could see that as something someone would write in her private journal at one time before these kinds of forums existed, not because it's necessarily TRUE that she feels wonderful about being obese (in a world that pretty much sees it as a moral fault, and tends to label that feeling under "health"; plenty of healthy people eat atrociously or are unhealthy for other reasons that are less visible and attackable; and I'll add to that that I do believe it's healthier to not fall into the obese category with one's weight, but health is used when health is not always what the main motivating factor may be in commenting about someone's weight), but she wants to feel less, I don't know, wounded/guilty/demoralized maybe, about her current state of being.
I think it can be very difficult to always envision how others feel about their body image and weight loss. reading posts here at 3fc, obviously there's a tremendous amount we share, but wow, sometimes it's like we're coming from different planets. I agree, sometimes it's a matter of "screening your hearing."
I think there is nothing wrong loving your body no matter what it looks like.
Reguardless, I find the FB post a bit obnoxious. It's the kind of thing where if you really feel that way you don't need to post it, you just live it. Essentially the post acknowledged that being "curvy" upsets her (or why else would she bother to post the message). IMO it's similar to flaky girls posting "I enjoy being fine" "I'm hot, get over it" "Prettier than the Models" or whatever else in their profile. The type of stuff where if it's true you don't need to say it.
Sadly, our culture does tend to give the lower weight person more benefit-of-the doubt, and that's sad - but not only for the fat person, but for the thin person too. In some ways, we fatties have an advantage. Our friends, family, and doctors (or at least the media we see on tv, if we don't have anyone in our lives doing it) are warning us about the dangers of being overweight. The "normal" looking person may assume he or she is healthy, just because they look normal in a mirror.
So true. My friends husband said he had never had his cholesterol tested ever in his life and he was almost 50. Because he is 6'3 and skinny as a beanpole no doctor ever thought it was necessary. Because he can't put on weight for anything he has always been a human garbage disposal. Finally after some weird chest tightness his wife demanded a full workup. His cholesterol was over 400. His good cholesterol was virtually nonexistant.
On the other hand my close to 400 lb friend says he gets a cholesterol screening run if he goes in with pink-eye.
I'm fine with who I am as a person. But I'm obese, and I'm not fine with that. So I keep trying.
It's not the best poem I ever read.
I think the poem emotion is fine for most of it, and could be moving for those who are plus size and need a confidence boost. That YES, you are allowed to live and take up space and do all the things everyone else does -- wear clothes you enjoy, date who you want, etc.
But the last line I'm not crazy about. It goes on about empowering despite size and then the last line goes back to size-ism? What for? I don't see how body bashing BACK at others who are smaller helps anyone. It just perpetuates the back and forth GRRR stuff, doesn't it?
But if whoever it was posted it on your FB to needle you deliberately, that's something else besides lit crit on a poem. It's not even about the merit of the poem in construction or emotion or anything.
It's why is the person so threatened by your fitness project that they are going out of their way to bug you on your FB?
I have numerous friends and family on FB. I've learned to take some of it with a grain of salt and move on.
You get out of it what you want. I love getting the random droid loaded pics of my grand kids. Keeping up with family that lives far away. Playing Farmville. Then I have the nutty friends. Love them all, family, crazy cat lady, WW friends, animal rescue friends, and the nuts.
Gives me connections to folks I'd other wise never get to know.
ive noticed this lately too!!! There is a BIG difference for curvy vs fat.
I get so tired of it... one lady on my FB she tries to shop at petite stores then writes letters/complaints to the store owners stating they dont have her size, when going in she knows they dont.
Petite is height of 5'3" or less. A person can be a petite plus size. So I guess the lady complaining about the petite lacking in plus sizes makes sense to me because she needs to be there height wise, but they don't go out to her range?
Petite isn't always about height. I had a friend who was very average in height, but she was proportioned sort of like a short person from the waist up and a tall person from the waist down, meaning she was short-waisted with shorter arms, but had long legs in proportion.
She used to joke, that she had to shop in all three departments, petities, average, and talls, depending on what she was buying.
I can relate, because I often buy tall pants, because I have a longish inseam, and it's easier to hem tall pants, than to be unhappy with pants that are "just a little too short."
And also complaining to a company because it's stores don't carry your size (or any size - even if it's not your size, but say for someone you want to buy for), isn't a terrible thing. It says "I'd love to be a customer, but you don't carry the sizes I want to buy. If you carried these sizes, I would have bought from your store," and if enough people write those letters, the company may actually decide that they can make money by selling the sizes that people are looking for.
After reading this (and the comments too) I feel there are a few issues going on here:
1. Curvy doesn't equal plus-sized. I just can't stand this idea. I'm curvy, but you know what? I'm curvier now that I've lost weight! l Making this sort of statement hurts women on both ends. It makes women (like sascha pointed out) who don't have curves and are overweight feel worse because they're missing out on the "good" parts of being overweight and it's telling women who are not plus-sized but do have curves that they are fat. I also agree that with Esofia that we need to get past this idea of what "men" are attracted to. I know guys AND girls who like thin, small-framed women, I know guys AND girls who like large, obese women and I know guys AND girls who like many different combinations of those two. No one body type is going to have EVERYONE attracted to them. Speaking on a personal level I know before meeting DH I've dated guys with various body types. I do have a type I prefer but have many, many friends who would disagree with my preference and be attracted to radically different guys.
2. Hiding inner pain by proclaiming self-confidence. I get that's what is bothering the OP and perhaps a few others here? What I take away from this is that the friend of the OP's is possibly doing this to convince herself that she does have self-worth, maybe eve because she has low self-confidence. In a way I can see how this might bother some but on the other hand, don't we all do this? Maybe not about body image but we get ourselves psyched up that we CAN do something (goodness knows sports teans do this ALL THE TIME!). It sounds like she might be giving herself a pep talk... what's so bad about that? Some people just decided to do these things very publicly and FB has given them that opportunity. It could be that she recognizes that she's not happy with her body the way it is and wants to change her happiness levels. If it helps her, is it really that bad?
3. The fat acceptance movement. Now, I'll admit I have mixed feelings here. I DO agree 100% that the focus on health+exercise should be our number 1 priority, not necessarily weight loss. I also don't think discrimination on any level is EVER acceptable. However, I do think that the movement goes too far at times because there are certain strands that really criticize others who want to lose weight (especially those who want to lose for vanity reasons). I think that train of thought really misses the point. If we can accept those who are larger, why can't we also accept those who are thinner too (assuming they are losing through healthy means)? Basically, I'll all about accepting our bodies but if someone is not happy with their body and wants to change it for whatever reason I feel that that's there choice and as long their not doing something harmful to themselves and others. I mean, we don't tell someone who wants a tattoo that that's wrong because we don't want a tattoo. So if another woman wants to be 15lbs lighter than me but is at a healthy weight for her body, what's the harm in that?
4. Are you allowed to live your life at a higher weight? Yes, yes, YES. Of course, you should try to do the things you still want to do at a higher weight. You shouldn't crawl up into a hole and hide. This I'm saying to myself because I DID THAT and I'm still ashamed of that. I can't turn back the clock and give the younger me a kick in the butt for not taking care of myself better at night highest weights but I can encourage others to do that. Women can date, they can dress up, they can make friends, they can study etc at higher weights. NO ONE should feel so ashamed about their weight that they stay in and hide.
5. The health aspect. Like I said in my comments about the fat acceptance movement, healthy eating and exercise should be a major focus no matter what your weight. I can't say without knowing the author of this poem what her feelings on that are. I DO think it's important to state, though, that even if someone isn't ready for healthy eating and exercise there's not really much you can do about it. No amount of shaming will change their mind. They also deserve a life just right the rest of us. We all have our vices and while overeating might be a much more public one than most because it's visible by all, that doesn't make it out to judge anyone on that. I also think it's an extremely difficult thing to achieve in our society because there is so much confusing misinformation out there. Also some diets work better for certain people than others. Some people just need the right event to happen in their life first before than can get on the right track. I think as a friend it's hard to see someone we care about not focus on a healthy diet and exercise but in the end it's something they have to decide.
6. I'm also OK with complaining about sizes at a company. A company probably wants feedback on who is interested in their clothes and what your size is (at least they should be if they want to be able to make money!). I have a very, very hard time finding bras because I have a small back (need a 30 band) and large breasts (about a GG at the moment). There are some companies, though, that have started vanity sizing the bands, which is a real concern for me because a 30 band is sometimes the smallest that brands carry and if they start making that fit like a 32 band than I'm sized out of their product. So it makes a lot of sense for me to be vocal about that! I think companies run into some major problems when they stop listening to their customer base (and that's something I've seen often here in Brazil where the population has gotten a lot larger but they haven't changed their sizing system so most women really have a hard time finding clothes that fit!!!!).
I agree with a lot of what Kaplods and Runningfromfat have to say. And others too.
What the poem says to me is this - I'm ok... We can be different sizes and shapes, but I still have value.
As a society. Heck nearly worldwide we have been told the desirable shape is tall and thin with a small frame and at least a B cup breast. The models, the movie stars, the everything. Shows tall, thin, shapely women. They got famous mostly by how they look. Most of us don't look like that.
I am curvy. But I.m also built very large. I am 175 and at the most. Have 20 pounds I could lose and not get too thin. And I have problems accepting the fact that it's ok for me to weigh 165 at 5 feet 6.5 inches when every chart says that I would still be overweight. Every star and model is way thinner than that and so on. I want to be accepted as a large frame person. As does an apple shaped woman wants to be valued as an apple, or flat chested women want to be valued and so on. and that is hard when we are shown only the tall and skinny with small frames as the only desirable body type.
I'm uncomfortable telling anyone else how she should feel about her body and how she should feel about her weight.
Agree wholeheartedly.
I see these things on facebook all the time (about everything: being a parent, awareness of some kind of health issue, etc). Most of them, in my opinion, are worthy of an eyeroll and not much thought. Some of the parenting ones I've seen imply (by deduction) negative things about childfree folks, but I don't take offense. It wasn't directed at you. If it were, I would certainly think much more negatively of it.
However, I don't condone body negativity of any size. My petite best friend and I joke about the "women's" department (she'll say "apparently I'm not a woman?") and "real women have curves" is ridiculous (as is the notion that fat=curvy and/or curvy=fat).
Let's face it: overweight people receive subtle and unsubtle messages that they don't have anything to be proud of, that they're "less than." I am a huge proponent of not letting weight stop you from living life or having pride in yourself. It would be more effective if it didn't indict smaller women as part of the problem, and I can't imagine that this silly facebook status proves that she is proud of her life/accomplishments/what have you, but if it gives her some kind of comfort or positivity, I say live and let live.
I deleted FB a few months ago and couldn't be happier. Staying in touch with family is one thing, but I think it has led to people overindulging themselves. Sure, they could have done that before (ie. a blog) but really... it's just bad, lol.
Love them all, family, crazy cat lady, WW friends, animal rescue friends, and the nuts. 
