How often are healthy-weight men interested in you?
I just ended a relationship that started in high school, so I don't really have any dating experience that's relevant now (I'm 23). What has your experience been with dating at higher weights?
I always assume no one will be interested in me at all until I'm significantly smaller, so when guys talk to me I get really shy, but it seems too depressing to believe there's no chance of me dating anyone for a year or more. And I'm not interested in dating someone who only likes larger women. Do any of you have experience meeting guys who genuinely don't care one way or another what size you are? Do they exist?
Last edited by ParadiseFalls; 12-04-2011 at 03:18 AM.
My fiancee doesn't really care. We started dating when I was at my SW three and a half years ago. I just lost the overwhelming majority of this weight very recently and he doesn't really care one way or the other.
He's also tall and thin, so I understand the feeling of "what? really? He's interested?"
Before you jump back into the dating pool though, you might want to take some time to yourself! Learn to love yourself and become confident in your own skin. Confident people—regardless of their size—attract people (friends and lovers alike).
Before I met my fiancee, I was in a relationship where the guy nearly took advantage of me because I dated him for the sake of dating him. I couldn't believe anyone was interested in me so I jumped at the first guy that showed interest and I got my heart broken. After that relationship I took some time to myself and really came to love myself. I found that suddenly men were interested in me when I became confident in who I was! All kinds of men! I remember having to deny a few of them because they just weren't what I was looking for. Then I met my fiancee and we've been dating ever since.
So take some time off, find out who you are and learn to love yourself even now The relationship will come later, and you'll have a better one because of it.
I am married and have been with my husband for 14 years now, but back when I was single, I never once had an overweight man interested in me (and I've always been in either the overweight or obese category my entire adult life). But I also was not the type to have men jumping all over them either... at 6'1" and 240 pounds I probably scared quite a few off!
But all that were interested/that I dated were all normal weights. So I really don't know that the weight itself was the big overriding factor - it is for some men, but I think not for a lot of others. Don't let it hold you back, and don't rush into something either - take your time to find the right guy!
Admittedly at my highest weight (220 pounds) I did get some interest (some were chubby, quite a few were on the 'too skinny' side too. Not many/nearly none in the healthy/fit parameters.) The ones who I felt were legitimately interested felt more like chubby chasers however or were more interested in the fact that I was 'exotic'. I felt more fetishized rather than loved, if that makes sense?
In my current weight I have had more fit/normal looking men show interest; enough for me to compete with thinner (aka: hotter) girls. Admittedly I am still not sure how to handle some of the attention since I am not sure if they are being serious or just messing with me/pranking me. So I end up blanking most of them especially when I'm not sure how to take it to the next level; but then again I have also noticed I am a bit more man-hungry now than I was before and more eager to tackle the problem...
As for your post, ParadiseFalls, I know this one chick who is a good 100 pounds heavier than I was at my heaviest...and she had guys fighting over her! It made me realize just how much attitude has a part in attracting the opposite gender - admittedly I realized this in the middle of my weight loss journey, so I am not sure if its my new bold/confident ways that's attracting them or my 'newish' body that I've achieved.
A lot of my bigger friends have skinny/smaller boyfriends/husbands. It really depends on the guy, and the attitude of the woman too. Met my fiance online, so I don't know if we really fall into the category, cause we had a history of friendship before things started heating up, and knew each other on an emotional level before we ever met in person (of course there were pictures). He had never dated a plus size woman before, and I know he was nervous about it, but he loves me for me and never has pushed a diet on me.
I may be biased, but the two most amazing men I have ever dated was when I was at my highest. I think it's more about you're own atitude than anything else.
Both of these men were long relationships (long to me is more than a year) and again, I may be biased, but they were gorgeous. Tall, fit, good looking (so i was told repeatedly ha ha)
It really is all about how you carry yourself, confidence is attractive. You can be confident and still want to improve your health, and honestly, that's an attractive quality as well.
I've always been heavy and I've never dated a really chunky guy. The guys I've dated were at most 20 lbs overweight. I've dated lots of skinny guys including my husband.
Not all men are shallow about women's weights. Do your best to remember that.
I never thought I'd find anyone who would want me, always being overweight. I never dated anyone in highschool or college, and there was only one guy who really seem genuinely friendly to me in my classes, but he was already engaged by the time we met (darn it!).
A few years after college I met my now-husband. He says he was instantly attracted to me, which just blows my mind. Really? Seriously? It took me a long, long time to believe him! He's always been of normal weight.
Interestingly enough, as soon as I met this guy I went off a pill I was on and it caused me to gain 40 pounds in less than 6 months. I was devestated, and it's still the weight I'm battling to get off my body right now. He never looked the other way though, and has said my weight never mattered to him. I was afraid I'd scare him off with my gaining (it's not like I was even close to thin or normal before that either!!). But he stayed with me and gives me support.
Don't lose hope for yourself! They're out there. Just gotta keep an eye out for them.
I had more creeps showing interest in me when I was skinny. Almost all the guys I dated when I was superskinny was more obsessed with my body/image than I was. My ex who could not see his own ding-a-ling below his belly, dumped me for going up a size from sz 2 to sz 4
My husband who met me when I was a sz 4, saw me blow up all the way to sz 8 on corticosteroids. He never said that I was fat and always told me that I was beautiful and loved me no matter what.
So yeah, I think you should stop worrying about guys liking you because of your weight. You will eventually meet a guy who would like you no matter what.
Hi. Not to be in disagreement with any of the previous posters, but how do you happen upon these non judgmental men? My experiences with men have not been great, and the way that men stare right through me or sneer to their buddies as I walk by breaks my heart! Both times in my life that I got down to the size 8/10 range I had men flirting with me, but at bigger sizes? Never. And I am "that girl" with the great personality. I have big blue eyes and long curly hair, and I never run into a man that seems to see me as datable. I would love to hear your suggestions about where to find these types of men. I am 34, finalizing the big "d" and honestly worried that I am going to be alone for a long time.
Liz
Hi. Not to be in disagreement with any of the previous posters, but how do you happen upon these non judgmental men? My experiences with men have not been great, and the way that men stare right through me or sneer to their buddies as I walk by breaks my heart! Both times in my life that I got down to the size 8/10 range I had men flirting with me, but at bigger sizes? Never. And I am "that girl" with the great personality. I have big blue eyes and long curly hair, and I never run into a man that seems to see me as datable. I would love to hear your suggestions about where to find these types of men. I am 34, finalizing the big "d" and honestly worried that I am going to be alone for a long time.
Liz
Sorry, but I met my husband through work. Actually, he was my boss. So I don't have anywhere specific for you to go.
I met my boyfriend on a dating website. While I'm 5'1" and 260 lbs, he's 5'6" and 150 lbs. He loves my 'sexy butt' and just wants me to be happy and healthy for who I am. He supports me no matter what, as long as I'm choosing a safe plan to follow. He knows I have no desire to be 'super skinny' or even 'skinny' for that matter.
He's actually the first 'normal' sized guy I've dated in years! I used to date the big & tall kinda guy. Guess I just didn't know what I was missing....
Guys in my area generally do not go for overweight girls when they can have girls wearing Lululemon etc. One thing I really hate about the big city.
The guys that do like bigger girls are the chubby chasers and usually see it only as a fetish (around here anyway) or the guys that have "never been with a BBW" as if they're going through a checklist of the different type of women they have or haven't been with.
Last edited by Rainbowgirl; 12-05-2011 at 12:59 AM.
ive been big all my adult life and ive almost never been single, all the men i was with were normal weight, the women ive been with have varied. one was close to 400lbs another was a model so i varied a lot there, but i have no problems with men unless its a problem getting them to leave me be lol and no they weren't chubby chasers, they had all dated women both bigger and smaller then me. i have alot of confidence though, when im around men im not constantly thinking 'omg im fat is he thinking im fat he doesnt like me cuz im fat' -no im thinking im hot stuff :P i think alot of it has to do with your confidence, no man likes a downer
How often are healthy-weight men interested in you?
Then I met my fiancee and we've been dating ever since. 
The relationship will come later, and you'll have a better one because of it. 
So I don't have anywhere specific for you to go.
