I'm sorry, Fitmom. I think it's okay to be really angry and I think I would also feel completely overwhelmed if I were in your shoes. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.
Fitmom, it is completely understandable that you are angry with God. Unanswered questions like the ones you ask are part of why I am now Buddhist. It just makes more sense to me. But I won't go further than that here--PM me if you want to know more.
Is there someone, anyone, in your daily life with whom you can speak about this? Does your community have a crisis hotline? Are respite services available? Yes, this is a crisis for you! You are entitled to seek help.
Please don't feel like you have to take care of everyone all by yourself, because that's not true. Reach out to others... You have resources, you just have to look for them and ask. And don't let your anger trick you into overeating--it really won't help!
@JayEll: Don't misunderstand me, I'm angry but not enough to change my religion, lol. I still love God...I'm just not liking what he's doing right now. I'm a certified mess these past few weeks - I'm just pissed off at the whole world at large. I think I'm entitled given what my family has personally been thru in the past six years. But I realize that I'm not the only one who's going through hardship so 'cry me a river' and all that.
@midwife: I don't think anyone can say anything to me right now to ease my pain. I wish I didn't feel this way. I hate feeling angry and pissed off but that's how I feel. I can't help my feelings, you know?
I don't care to talk about my feelings with strangers or in therapy...it's just not me. Never has been, never will be. I'll be fine, I think. What other choice do I have?!?
I just really, really, really miss my mom right now. She would know the right thing to say or do. Maybe I'll take a ride out to the gravesite later, it always helps to vent to her there. Sorry to be such a downer and/or morbid. I'm really never like this - it's just been such a trying few weeks. I feel so utterly helpless. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this disappear but I've lived long enough to know that life doesn't work that way.
Fitmom, I'm sorry for all that you're going through and what you and your family have had to deal with. I don't have the right thing to say. Just know I'm sending you a big cyber.
to fitmom, saef and anyone else who is not doing so well right now. We are all here to . I would think we are all ok with your throwing a few of these as well if you feel like it.
I had a pretty good day. Teeny puppy was fine today. Most labs have "goat" stomachs and she seems to be in that camp. They get sick and recover so quickly at that young age. Golden puppy didn't get molested by any loud women today .
I got my 3 pairs of jeans from Eddie Bauer and they all fit reasonably well. I am taking them to be shortened (of course) on Saturday and then my fall wardrobe is pretty well complete.
And I finally figured out why the boyfriend jeans don't look they way they do in advertising on me (aside from my not being 6 feet tall and having long, long, thin legs). I have heavy muscular thighs and they fill out the pant legs. So the bottoms are baggy and the tops are baggy but the thighs of the jeans are snug. And I can't roll them because that makes my short legs look even shorter. But the 2 pairs I got look fine as ordinary straight leg jeans (I hope skinnies never, ever make a comeback and I am heartily sick of boot cut right now).
DH is calling from the grocery store again - gotta go.
FITMOM I appreciate your reply back to my post. Of course this thread is not for religious purposes but if you ever want to vent or look for support on "that" level feel free to join us in our Prayer Warriors or Christian Encouragers threads in Faith Based Groups.
Feel free to PM me an anytime! Continued prayers and also know the feelings you have, in your situation, are quite normal!
DAGMAR Your post cracked me up! Although my almost 8 yr. old Goldens get plenty of attention now, when out in public, it was incredible when they were puppies! But, of course, I have one that loves attention and one that is very shy!
Wishing Saef and fitmom peace and tranquility this weekend, or as close to it as possible.
My classes in the library begin full force on Monday. So far I've only had the Kindergartners, but next week I start seeing all 1000 plus students. I'm madly trying to get ready with library cards, adopt-a-books, schedules, etc. Yesterday the front office said they had a few flip cameras for classes that wanted them. I'm usually last on the list but I emailed that I'd love one if there were any yet. There was one in my box this morning! Now I'm daydreaming how to use it-- reader's theater perhaps!
Today I'm meeting a fellow librarian for coffee today. She has painted murals in some of the schools and I'm going to chat with her about possibly doing it here. She often paints book covers. I'm trying to think of some classics that never go out of style-- I'd like to do three....I'm thinking Charlotte's Web, Winnie the Pooh, and ??? What else? What were your favorite childhood books?
This weekend for me....
Bikram yoga after work and sushi tonight.
Official Weight Watcher weigh in tomorrow and then breakfast with my Weight Watcher friend/leader. Then walk with dh to the farmer's market. Not sure about the rest of the day.
Sunday I work, and then we pick up our CSA, and then? Probably Bikram Yoga again....
What are your plans for the weekend?
I forgot to mention that my dd (age 20) got an appointment to see a specialist in Seattle for her Tourette's Syndrome. She is just miserable and I'm praying he can offer some help. Dh and I were hoping one of us could go with her, but he will be traveling and it is too difficult for me to go with our other dd, our pets, my work, etc. Dd says she'd prefer to go alone. She will drive there the night before and spend the night (she lives in Spokane). She'll go to the appointment and then drive back. Please keep her in your thoughts if you don't mind. She doesn't go for a couple of weeks but she is already so anxious about the appointment.
For me, the week has ended better than it began, and I'm happy for it. Of course the same can't be said for us all and so I'm keeping y'all in my thoughts. Fitmom, I haven't been in your particular shoes but it must be a difficult situation and you (and your family) are in my prayers.
Dagmar, put me on the "short, sturdy legs" train as well! I have to get all my pants hemmed, and it's a pain, not to mention the cost can add up.
It was a beautiful day for me today. Gorgeous weather, co-operative dogs, etc. etc.
Then I went to see my dad. 4 minutes before we were at each other's throats. I stomped off his porch after calling him an ungrateful b*stard, which he is. I shook it off quite rapidly though and will not abuse my body with anything tonite.
Saw the movie Invictus last night. Morgan Freeman was more Nelson Mandela than the man himself. He inspired me to want to play Rugby - despite wondering why half the team wasn't carried off the field on stretchers.
The most frequently quoted last stanza of the poem by the same name:
Quote:
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.
. I would think we are all ok with your throwing a few of these as well 
if you feel like it.
.
before we were at each other's throats. I stomped off his porch after calling him an ungrateful b*stard, which he is. I shook it off quite rapidly though and will not abuse my body with anything tonite.
