[Swinella]

This may sound crazy, but I think I finally got to the size I'd always felt like I was. My body caught up to how big I felt years ago at 130, 200, 250, and 300 lbs. In November when I hit 387, reality finally matched what was in my head.

I'm not sure why 40 has hit me so hard, but it has. I've stressed, panicked, and otherwise been a trainwreck for the past couple of months. Happy midlife crisis. I've bought new clothing. I've started getting pedicures again. I've bought new makeup and I've started using it.

I stepped on the scales yesterday and noticed that I'm down a few pounds without putting any real effort into it. I'm not sure if it's stress or the probiotics I started taking, but regardless, I'll take it. I thought I looked and "felt" thinner, but I didn't think I could be since I wasn't actively dieting.

I think my real birthday gift was that for the first time in my life, my brain and the mirror are in synch. Ages ago, I lost almost 100 lbs, and I couldn't see the difference. Now, I've lost 20-something and I felt like I had before I stepped on the scales...and that's pretty cool.

[NEMom]

Happy birthday! Congrats on your loss!!!!

[Magicsusan]

Happy Birthday and Welcome, Swinella!

Do you mean you always felt 384 pounds in your head, even when you weren't?

As for the mid-life crisis, hang in there. I'm 48 now and the realizations that came as a result of my crisis(es) are invaluable.

[Swinella]

Thanks, ladies.

Susan, I meant exactly that. I gained the nickname "Swine" from my loving family when I weighed 135 lbs. They meant it in a teasing way, but I'm a little sensitive at times, so I took it to heart. In my head, I've been this big for years. I didn't see gains or losses in the mirror. I hit THIS big, and for the first time in my life, the picture in my head aligns with with what's really there...and the few pounds I've lost in the mirror and on my scale are actually clicking in my head too.

[Magicsusan]

Ah! I see.

I'm trying to stack up your family calling you 'Swine' in a way that works, and it's not working
Just seems mean. Anyway, glad you're here!