[DreamAngelsHeavenly]

Originally Posted by kaplods

Now, I just attribute it to change being hard, and habits being hard to break. I cut myself and everyone else some slack. Slack in the motivation, not in my response to it. Just because change is hard, doesn't mean that I'm not going to work at it, or remind my husband (or anyone else) who forgets and unwittingly tempts or discourages me.

I don't think I've got some deep, dark desire to fail, I just find change difficult, because change is difficult. It just means I pick myself up and keep going.

While I do agree with everything you say... This is key for me.

I am doing a VLCD (I know, I know-- not everyone agrees with these ). And I had the nurse at our clinic ask how my diet is going (I informed everyone of my diet to keep myself more accountable).

This was in the first two weeks- and man, I was struggling and hungry. And I told him that it is going- but it isn't easy... And you know what he said?? "No one said it was going to be easy!" And that really resonated with me, though I knew at some point or another, losing all of this weight over the last five years-ish was going to be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do-- it hadn't really stuck.

And this comment was just so right with it's simplicity. For most if not all of us-- this is going to be one of the hardest battles we fight in life- but one of the most important. The battle for ourselves. No one said it would be easy!! It's going to be hard. But we need to keep going. We need to stop self sabotage and we need to keep going.

As someone who is pretty black-and-white thinking, for me-- it is also hard to see how one set back could not ruin everything. But it doesn't have to. We always have a choice. And slipping up- whether we want to believe it or not- is part of recovery.

So, if you "self-sabotage" by having a cookie or something not on your plan- you don't have to throw it all away and eat like a sailor who has been lost at sea for months *ahem* (personal experience)... But you have a choice. Like an article about the new model of recovery I read in Psychology Today...

Think of an alcoholic. They see their friend inside a bar. They shouldn't go into the bar... but they do. That is a choice. They can just say hi and leave. Or they can stay at the bar and visit- and this will be another choice. They can order a soda or a beer to drink. Choice. They can have one beer or they can have five. Choice.

You do not have to let one "bad" choice lead you down the path of destruction. You always have choices to make.

Learn from your bad choices. If you buy cookies for someone living with you and end up eating the whole box (mom!! )-- learn. Do not buy cookies for someone else if you can't handle it in your home. Learn your triggers. Learn your emotions. And make better choices. If not the first time, learn, and make better choices next time. Do not throw away all of your hard earned progress.

Recovery is not all or nothing. Right or wrong. One way or the other. It is an ongoing and evolving process. We are human, and sometimes we slip up. Be accountable.

So I agree with others. Don't victimize yourself. Be aware of yourself. Be active in the choices you make- good or bad. Know that one bad choice doesn't have to lead to three or ten. Learn from everything you do. Work hard- because anything worth having is worth working hard for. ♥

Signed, A Fellow Self-Sabotage Addict in Recovery (in all things, food included)

[Muffintine]

My self-sabotage comes from the fear of being wanted. (Ridiculous, I know.) I have always been the "fat" girl in the group and have always been overlooked. The few times I was given attention, I didn't know how to react to it. Relationships and intimacy scare me, and sometimes I use my weight as an excuse not to deal with those bigger emotional problems.

Recently, I've confided in my mother, who also has self-sabotage problems. It's wonderful to have someone there to stop me, and remind me why I'm dieting--for a better life, not just to attract guys. For my health, not dates.

You are NOT alone! What helps me is to recognize when I'm self-sabotaging, and to think about what I'm doing and face it. "Do I really want to buy that box of Little Debbies Swiss rolls?" "Can I really only eat one?" "Should I have the extra slice of cake?" "Are Chicken Nuggets REALLY a good idea?"

What helps me when I go to restaurants is to decided what and how much I'm going to eat before I get there. I also tell my friends/people I'm eating with not to offer my anything off there plate, or refuse me if I ask.

It's also about not putting yourself in situations where you KNOW you will end up sabotaging yourself. It's hard, but it's doable.

[diyana]

Well said, kaplods, caryesings and DreamAngel. Thank you so much for your wise, thoughtful and insightful perspective!