Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickieBell
These people actually knew about driving through fast food places and ordering enough food for 4 people, and making sure you got enough drinks for 4 people too, so the clerk wouldn't think it was all for you. DIET drinks at that, right? I thought *I* invented that!
These people knew about stopping halfway through a package of cookies and throwing them away, only to find yourself riling through the garbage later on to find and eat them.
These people knew what it felt like to walk into a room full of strangers and feel judged for your weaknesses without every opening your mouth, based on appearance alone.
I still have cold shivers moving from my neck up the back of my head. If I was calling a restaurant, sometimes I would be so embarassed I would say out loud, "You wanted a large fries, right?" just so the waitress would hear me "talking to my friend" and hopefully assume all that food wasn't just for me. And as humiliated as I am right now typing this, I have searched for that half-full package of cookies in the garbage. I used to have a problem with hiding food too. I used to hide it under the sofa, in drawers that were rarely opened.
Now my entire head and arms are full of cold shivers. I really want to delete this, but I think getting it out for the first time might be as cleansing, and relieving, as a good cry, which is something else I hardly ever do. I heard somewhere that our secrets keep us sick, and as I really starting watching my behaviors get worse over the years, I think it's one of the truest statements I've ever heard.
I had started to wonder if I had a food addiction, then I consulted the OA website and looked at the symptoms, and now I am convinced. Any ideas, personal experience, words of encouragement, or thoughts of any kind are welcome. It would be really nice to talk to people who know what I'm talking about when I say I go to three different stores to buy all the food I'm going to eat during a binge to try to avoid the embarassment, and then feel like crap anyway because I've eaten so much.
Thanks for listening,
Alexah