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Old 06-22-2010, 12:19 AM   #1
JennieLovesKisses
155LBS LOST
 
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,404

S/C/G: 300/145/140

Height: 5'3"

Default I almost lost control today :(

For the past 3 days now I haven't taken my daily multivitamin/multimineral (gotta buy some more) and honestly have just felt like poop...I didn't realize how much better I feel when I take it! These last three days I've not only had to fight myself to workout because lack of energy but I've been feeling so hungry.

Today after my p90x - yoga I felt like I was starving. I haven't had money for food, so I'm all out of my good healthy snacks I usually eat in between meals so I don't feel like this. I searched through the cabinets looking for something to munch on and there they were...a box of popcorn! I thought to myself "eh, popcorn isn't THAT bad" it had butter, but not that movie theater extra butter type. The label: 180cal for 4 cups. I made the popcorn, and I said to myself I would only have 2 cups worth. I measured out 2 cups and put the extra popcorn away. After practically shoveling every single piece into my mouth I realized this was BAD! I grabbed the bag of popcorn and I literally stood over the garbage can trying to decide if I wanted to eat more or just throw it away. I took a couple out of the bad and then more and more! I ate around 2 more cups worth of popcorn before getting SUPER mad at myself. I ended up going to the fridge to find ANYTHING to toss in with the popcorn to make myself stop eating, mustard did the trick. After completely ruining what was left in the bag I threw it away and ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my hands...just to get the taste and small away.

I felt so sick with what I did. It wasn't really the popcorn that bothered me, it was the feeling: I had no control. I have been on this journey for over a year now and have never felt like I was out of control with food before. Even now all I can think about is what I can eat. I keep my calorie intake between 1200-1500, past few days its been up in the 1400 almost 1500. Today, so far Ive eaten 1200...and not even a good 1200. I had a bowl of oatmeal, a bowl of honey nut cereal, 1 rib, a half of a peanut butter sandwich and 4 cups of popcorn. Todays meals are so not normal for me and I don't know whats come over me. I seriously need to kick my butt back into gear and get some healthy food in the house.

I'm at my boyfriend house for the night and I know he's going to be making dinner and I KNOW he's going to offer me some. I'm trying to decide if I should just eat, but in moderation still keeping my 1500calorie limit or if I should stop myself early and accept what I've already taken in today.
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Dragonfly for every 10lbs lost



Mini Goals:
199-(05.10.2010)
189-(06.07.2010)
179-(07.29.2010)
169-No longer Obese! (8.27.2010)
159-(05.07.2011)
150 -50% BW Lost!
145 - (12.06.2011)
140-Healthy Weight!


My Youtube Weight Loss Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/JennieLovesKisses

Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.
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