I was going to post on the thread about losing weight & getting male attention - that is happening to me, too, except I'm married so while I'm flattered, the increased male attention/compliments also makes me really uncomfortable.
But anyway, it brought up another issue for me that I am having to deal with. I don't work in an appearances-driven industry (software industry). But I do work for a smaller company and appearances have always been really important here. I do remember when interviewing for the job, my job recruiter made a comment about how the managers will like me because I'm "young, pretty, female" in so many words. I was also 185 lbs at the time. After I was hired I slowly gained another 30 lbs and finally topped out at 213. It is NO secret that most of the managers/owners here tend to treat the few women who work here that are attractive differently.
Since then I've lost 60 lbs, but the only part of my weight loss that I am vocal about is the fact that I am a runner (which is how I lost weight). Since losing weight, people are more friendly to me. They go out of their way to strike up conversation, compliment me, include me. People who wouldn't even look at me when I weighed 200+ lbs now are friendly with me. I work in a male-dominated industry so I am mostly surrounded by men and they have no qualms about complimenting me.
I'm sure part of it is that I am more confident about myself. I don't look down whenever I pass someone in the hall. I am happy to talk about my running/weight loss if someone asks me. And since I feel good about MYSELF, I'm sure it reflects in my personality. But I'll be honest, while I am happy for the new "acceptance", it still bothers me that people treated me differently when I was obese.
The only thing I've noticed is I get more attention in stores and strangers come up to me at the gym. But I work in an office with only 4 other people, who are always really nice to me no matter what. I'm not big on the bar scene or anything, and I've always been really awkward in that kind of situation, anyway.
I feel I am treated very differently. Not only by men but also by women in both good and bad ways. After losing weight, I was given a bid to a more "stuck up pretty girl" sorority. Also, I felt some backlash from a few of my female friends. Its kind of annoying, but I understand what you mean.
I'm glad you girls can relate, although I think it sucks that we all have similar experiences! I think what bothers me is that -other thann being more confident and probably a little more outgoing- I am the same person. I still have the same sense of humor, same personality, etc. so why wasn't I worth getting to know at 200+ lbs, but am worth including at 150ish lbs? I think that's what it comes down to for me. I'm not saying that people deliberately thought "oh, she's fat, I'm not going to get to know her," but I think subconsciously it may have been that way.
It also could be, too, that when I was at my heaviest, I did my best to not be noticed. So I think I share some part in this. Hmm.
I am just starting to have this experience. I'm starting to notice that I seem to be approached by strangers/acquaintances more. More people strike up conversations with me...joke around with me that sorta thing. Men smile/hold my door open more. And then there are my (still) overweight friends that are NOT happy I'm losing weight, they treat me very differently, it is very sad.
I've sort of subtly noticed this, both with strangers and with a friend of mine.
She was always one to want to go out to bars to help me to "meet people." I'm shy at bars, I'm terrible at striking up conversations with random strangers, so she'd always so, oh, I'll be your wingman, lets go out, meanwhile she'd wind up talking up all the guys and I'd be miserable in the corner. Now when I say hey, let's go out for a drink, its all like um, no, I don't feel like it - could it have something to do with the fact that I'm slightly more attractive than I was before? I think so...
And then there are my (still) overweight friends that are NOT happy I'm losing weight, they treat me very differently, it is very sad.
I've been having this lately too. I cant wear things I looked forward to wearing, like relatively short shorts because some of my friends are jealous and then i feel bad for making them feel bad, even if that wasnt my intention (its getting warmer here, I want to enjoy the fruits of my labour). Its so unfair
I've always thought this but everyone I told said I was crazy that people aren't like that....i noticed a couple years back when I was younger and way thinner more people would approach me and I don't wana sound like an airhead but some people would suck up to me and try to be my friend...now that I'm heavier people don't even take a 2nd glance at me
This seems like the perfect thread to get into what I'm dealing with right now. While I can see differences in how I'm treated because I'm thinner (male attention mostly), it's the reaction I'm getting because I'm not obese that's bothering me. Here's what I mean by that.
Most of my closest friends are the same size I was when started losing weight. Even back when it was first starting to be noticeable, they gave me so much trouble about it. They teased me and tried making me feel guilty by being "different" than them now. When I have told them in the past that I go to the gym, they laugh at me and roll their eyes...so I literally lie and say I don't go much anymore. I even texted one of them to exclaim that I had finally gotten under 200 lbs....she ignored me and never answered. Another girl told me she didn't even know me anymore and I look weird now. It breaks my heart.
These girls are VERY nice girls...I know this makes them sound mean, but they're not. Is it just that girls are like this? I imagine it's because they wish THEY were losing weight, too, but I feel so wounded. I just want support and not ridicule just because I'm smaller now (smallER, not small yet...and I'm actually afraid to lose them if I lose more weight).
Has anyone else experienced THIS kind of attention since you've lost weight? What do you do?
Last edited by angee phalangee; 11-21-2009 at 07:56 AM.
^^^Yes, I have experienced this. My conclusion? People are very uncomfortable with change, especially phsyical ones they can't ignore (even if they try very hard). Perhaps it's because it exposes something they don't like about themselves. Who knows.
Another thing that happened? I was always that girl with lots of guy friends. The second their girlfriends or what-not laid eyes on me, I wasn't allowed within a 100 foot radius of their guys.
It is what it is. Throughout this journey I've learned many things about myself, one of which is that I really shouldn't give a damn about other's insecurities. It belongs to them and them only.
One of the things I said on this forum when I first joined, was that one of my friends had lost a lot of weight and that I felt really inadequate around her now. Every time I see her tiny frame and wonderful cheekbones I feel like a giant BLOB. She came to stay the night last weekend and I cried and cried to my boyfriend before she came because I was so worried. She had just spent six months in Spain working. After she lost her weight, she quit her bank job and left the country! Something I don't think she'd have done if she hadn't lost the weight...
Anyway, I found it really difficult. I absolutely adore her - she's one of my BEST friends. But I still had to run off to the toilets and cry every time I was with her (I ACTUALLY did this). But then she came over and I managed to control myself, and now because we've spent some proper time together I don't think I'll ever feel like that again - especially not now that I'm losing weight myself. (I was very lucky that the day she came over I had managed to drop 6lbs in the last week! It made me feel much better )
She's in Austria until April now. The date that I next see her is a major mini goal for me. She's my biggest inspiration and her photo smiles down on me while I do my dvds in the living room. I hope that your friends come to realise that you haven't changed at all, and that they manage to get over their insecurities and can be happy for you. I understand how upset they must be, but the only way to remedy it, I think, is if they start being healthy too.
What a shame that your friends have each other to still use as the emotional crutch that fat friends have. I think it made a difference that once my friend lost weight, I was the only fat friend left. Losing weight has felt very daunting and I felt very alone in attempting it until I found you guys!
Just remember that the way they are acting is not worth stopping your incredible progress. I really hope that they sort themselves out. If my friend had texted me with a goal she had made I would never have ignored her. (I would have just cried for hours!) I really do hope that they come to their senses.
Are you treated differently as a thin person?
I'm sorry, TBG.
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