Sonata, thanks for being able to relate and sharing your experiences...
And thanks everyone else for weighing in and being so honest with me. One thing I'm trying to do now is just ACT more positive towards my mom...even if I don't feel all that great about how she's living her life. I found that by acting more positive (even if fake), it's slowly making me feel more positive. I still wish she would make some healthy changes in her life and that she could show that she cares about her family by caring for herself...I honestly don't know if she will ever get to that point. She seems pretty dead set in her ways and totally satisfied with the way she is (I know that might be a front...but it's convincing and it's carrying her through each year, gaining more and more weight and ruining her health and her body, so)
Thanks again...hopefully I can learn to change my attitude when I can't change the person...
You know, for a long time I felt the same way you do with feeling disgusted by it. I automatically assumed that these people were lazy, unclean, and just all around disgusting.
It took me a long time to realize... that only a select few are honestly like that, and I looked at them that way because of my oldest brother (Who happens to fit in that category of lazy, unclean, and terribly disgusting).
I noticed that my feelings about this changed when I began to have more chubby/overweight friends and acquaintances, and how many of them were unhappy with that fact and were/had/ and still trying to change. Some were even trying a lot harder than I was (or am?) and then it really started to hit me.
I had one friend in particular... That I don't believe was her fault. She has to be around 400 some odd pounds... and she had always been very obese. From the time she was in preschool, throughout elementary, and then to when I met her in high school. A lot of it was because of her mothers influence and the family trials she was always around. She followed by example and by the time someone told her that it wasn't acceptable... She felt she was to the point of no return (And I don't/didn't know how to help her.)
As far as the guy you've met... Ever since I started to watch the biggest loser... It doesn't matter if they are fat to me. They have so much more of a pure personality. If you can see all of those wonderful points in his personality.. You can learn to love his appearance as well! And, if you're able to help him lose weight he might just turn into an even more attractive guy . Since a lot that lose weight usually do from what I've seen.
One of my favorite quotes that I saw in someones signature on here is from Michelangelo: I saw the angel in the marble and I chiseled until I set her free.
I think everyone is like this. You might need to stair into the marble a little longer to find that angel, but it's there.
So don't feel bad! Push forward and I think you'll figure something out that will work best for you.
ThicknPretty, I'm going to go in a different direction with advice re the overweight guy. I say date him and give him a chance. I can tell you that the two greatest loves of my life were both men to whom I felt no initial attraction, but as our time together unfolded, the attractions could not have been stronger. It may be that your feelings never change, but on the other hand, you may be most pleasantly surprised.
Don't be too hard on yourself for your feelings of disgust toward others who are overweight. Personally, I think those are just externalized feelings of self-loathing. Now that you are actively taking steps to improve your health, you watch others engaging in behaviors that you yourself used to engage in -- and you can see with no illusions how self-destructive it is. Maybe it will help to distinguish between disliking the behaviors and disliking the person...? kaplods has said it best.
I agree with every bit of this.
To add even more...I think you should give the guy a chance,because at some point in your life,there was a guy that missed out on the wonderfulness of you,because your weight turned him off.now that you have lost it,that guy has lost out on the wonderfulness of you on the inside andoutside.
Good guys are hard to find,and who knows...your healthy lifestyle may just inspire him to join you in it.and if not,just remember looks fade anyway,but character is permanent.
I think it's important to keep in mind that being overweight IS unhealthy. It is good that you don't accept your mother's seeming complacency to be overweight (at 150 pounds overweight, she's probably morbidly obese).
One of the things my mother did wrong, though, when she recognized that I was getting unhealthily fat, was to express her negativity, well, negatively.
Don't pretend your mother is OK. Don't pretend it's all right for her to eat that much. HELP HER. Losing weight will add years to her life. Sit her down and tell her that you love her, that you want her around as long as possible, and that you want to see her happy and healthy. I suffer from depression and though I take medication, I still see symptoms sometime. As I have been losing weight, eating right, and especially exercising, I notice that I no longer have those symptoms. When I lose another 20 pounds, I am going to ask my psychiatrist to lower my dosage and see what happened. Exercise is a great help for depression, and eating poorly majorly increases depression.
From someone who has been depressed, obese, and eating cereal at midnight--you may not realize that your mother might be disgusted with herself as well. But with each spoonful you are more disgusted, so you eat another so that the delicious taste makes you feel better. It's one step forward, two steps back, but you keep eating and thinking those steps forward will make you happy. In the end, you're stuffed and feel sick and miserable. Eating sugar before bed also lessens the quality of your sleep, and if your mother isn't getting a good night's rest, that can affect weight, too.
To sum up, my advice would be: don't feel bad about being disgusted. Feel bad if you express that disgust in a way that only hurts, and doesn't help. Help her get better.
. Since a lot that lose weight usually do from what I've seen.
