Hello everyone!
I havent been around like i should have been... Life took some unexpected turns, pretty much went to h*ll in a handbasket, with a lot of unexpected crisises one after the other... With a move, and my husband getting a new job, and temporary guardianship of my siblings... there hasnt been a lot of time to post... But i need to be back here... I need your support and thoughts to get through this...
Right now my mother, 15 yr old brother and 13 yr old sister are living with my husband and me... It's a lot of extra stress, extra expenses (not a lot of which my mom is sharing) and a lot of baggage from my past.
They ended up with me after my parents house was condemned as unlivable. My mom has been raising them in poverty due to an unfortunate series of events and my step dads douchery... Well, now he is waiting on criminal charges, and she is finally being forced to get them out of the trailer...
I grew up poor... my mom makes bad choices... When i was 15 my brother was born, and she chose to stay home despite my step dads aversion to holding a job... My step dad also grew up poor... So from a very young age, I was conditioned to eat as much as possible to make sure i got my share of food, or it might now be there later... Then later in life, there was never enough to go around, and likely not healthy food...
As an adult, I admit, I am a food hoarder... I coupon and shop sales, and at any given time have enough food to feed my husband and myself for 2-3 months... This is the psychology of never knowing if there would be money for food... We even joined Sams Club this week so I can make the money go farther...
Since my mom has been here, we have depleted this "hoard" and my brother has the same bad eating habits i've been trying so hard to correct... Whenever i try to talk to my mom about how my brothers gluttonous eating, and her lack fo contribution to the grocerys causes this anxiety and panic, she just blows me off with the party line "teenage boys need more calories"
He is already overweight and eating 3 times the number of calories I consume on a 44 point weight watcher plan... He isn't physically active, in fact he rarely leaves his computer... She never monitors his eating which is a huge trigger for me.
this is causing me anxiety. I am stressed and panicked by the food supply. I am trying not to eat mass quantities to "get my share" even though I know if I don't it will be gone. I have started hiding favorites to keep the kids from eating it before we can, because just verbally putting things off limits doesn't keep them safe
When we first moved earlier this month, money was so tight... there was no money to get grocerys, and I was eating less than I should. I wasn't getting enough protien with the carbs, like I need cause I'm insulin resistant. There was never produce...
I AM TERRIFIED... I've worked SO HARD TO GET HERE. I've lost so much weight in the last 7 months, and corrected so many bad eating habits... But the psychology of food and poverty is so powerful...
I dont want to back slide...
Please, help me get through his. I need advice, and support, and just to be heard... cause i'm not getting it here...
Jillian first let me say congratulations on your weight loss so far I don't have any advice for you but I'm sure that someone on the site will. 3FC is the best place for support as you well know. Just search the threads and find the ones that are right for you. Keep checking in. I wish you well
I cannot imagine the mental stress you are under right now. I don't have solutions, but wanted to see if it is possible - if some of the food isn't frozen/refridgerated, can you store it in something that locks in your room? Then bring it out in reasonable amounts for a meal and it sounds like making a larger meal to ensure leftovers to save time in the kitchen for another meal would be a loss of that future meal ... Though it's not time efficient, maybe just make enough for one meal, and have something healthy for in-between eating if you know your brother needs/wants that - popcorn kernels and olive oil and a large pot is cheaper and healthier than microwave popcorn snacks. I think at this point, it sounds like having the extra around isn't providing any extra security but extra stress. Any close neighbors who could house any of it for you? I used to have a neighbor who brought stuff to me to hold onto when her mother came to visit (among other things, her checkbook since her mom stole from her, too) ... She had a key to my home and could come and get what she needed of her when she needed it if I wasn't home, and that worked out well.
Make your money stretch - if your mom's home during the day, have her soak beans and use that for good healthy protein ... we have lots of recipes with black beans and onions as a tasty base.
Can you monitor what leaves your kitchen, as it IS your kitchen? Don't be afraid to speak up directly to anyone who defies your home rules. It's easier to loosen up as time passes than to put your foot down.
It sounds like they see large quantities of food come in the house, perhaps in the larger quantity containers from Sams, and feel they need to eat it all NOW.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I dont have any real advice for you either but wanted you to know I do care and am always here to listen if you need to talk.
I agree with nationalparker's advice. I can tell by the desperation in your post that you feel like you've lost control of your house. I can totally relate to that because I have anxiety too and I understand what it's like to try to please everybody. I also know what it feels like to not know what your next meal will be or where it will come from.
My advice is to re-assert yourself as the leader of your house. Come up with a system where you control what food is consumed, especially if you're the one paying for it. If they try to guilt you, remind them that you're doing THEM a favor. It may not be the kids' fault, but you're right for trying to show them how life should be. Establish rules and chores. Create meals by your rules. You can even go as far as restricting how long your brother uses the computer, since you're paying for the internet, I assume.
Family or not, housing them is not your responsibility. You're doing it because you're a good person, and you should not have to compromise the life you built because of your mother's weaknesses.
Remember: You cannot control their actions, but you can control your household. Stay strong.
Wow ur story is so heartbreaking and the only help I can give is to pray for you. Be strong this too shall pass. I think there is a huge correlation between poverty and obesity. Its very sad. I too have been in a situation where I had to choose between health or quantity. Unhealthy food is cheaper and more readily available but we still have a choice. I dnt have any advice abt the kids but I can tell it is hard for you but dont give up! This is just another obstacle that life throws at you. My advice is to duck and keep going. Dont give up! You deserve this! You deserve to live a life as healthy and as happy as you can dream it to be. Remember you are not doing this alone. We are all in the same boat. Its your time to not let outside forces determine ur fate. There will always be something. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Food and Poverty: pounds of baggage.
I don't have any advice for you but I'm sure that someone on the site will. 3FC is the best place for support as you well know. Just search the threads and find the ones that are right for you. Keep checking in. I wish you well 
