Thanks, ladies! You're making me feel a lot better--at least I'm not alone in my concerns about post-weight-loss imge!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asherdoodles87
. I had to choose be fat and hate my body or be skinnier and hate my body. There might be a chance that I actually like the way I look when I lose the weight, but if not it's still better then being morbidly obese.
That's about exactly how I feel. I just need to accept it now.
And azcyn, you need to change your sidebar weight to show your amazing loss!
Last edited by ParadiseFalls; 03-29-2010 at 10:25 AM.
Meh...the skinny mini's are what they are and I am what I am. There are shining parts and parts best left in the dark about all of us. I may envy someone's sense of style and their ability to look good in almost everything, but I look pretty dang good in what I wear now, so I choose to be excited about how much better it's going to get. The way I see it, if I'm having this much fun now, it can only get better, right?
Try to put it in perspective this way: Several of my friends look really good in yellow. For me, this is a color I absolutely cannot wear in any tonality, or I look like I should be occupying a drawer in the morgue. Yellow is just really a bad idea for me. But I look stunning in purple. And green sets off my skin and eyes. And red is probably the best of all colors on me...very dramatic. But you don't see me sitting around going "Wow, I wish I could wear yellow. I'm so sad because I can't wear yellow. I'm never going to be able to wear yellow, and it's not fair! I'm so mad at that little so-and-so because she looks really good in yellow and I can't wear it." Most of you would agree that someone who says that would sound totally stupid, and you would probably laugh your tail off at her. I know I would. It's crazy to even think about feeling at a loss because of something so simple, and I would even go so far as to say it's never even occurred to most people. But yet, it's completely acceptable for us to be envious of and even angry at someone else for someone they may not be able to control any better than they can control the shade of their skin, hair and eyes. Petite is how some people are built. Curvy with a side of muscle is how I am built. Just like I would go out and find other colors to wear that look better on me than yellow, I am capable of simply accepting that while I will never rock a pair of super low riders and a crop top, there are plenty of options out there for me that are attractive and flattering and show who I am to my best advantage, and those aren't going to look good on someone without the lovely lady lumps to fill them out. It's just how life is. I try not to waste time worrying about what doesn't work, and invest more of that time figuring out what does.
I will now step down from my soap box. Thank you for listening!
I get where you're coming from, I really do. When I was much younger I was never happy with my body. Now that I'm older, I'd give anything to be in that body. I've reconciled myself that things might not be where I want them when I'm done losing weight. But, a good deal of that comes with aging too.
Now that I'm older, I tend to romanticize my body. Have I mistreated it due to being obese--yes, I have. Having said that, I focus on what my body has done and been through. It has given over 2 dozen years of pleasure to my husband. It has given birth to three fantastic sons. It has survived cancer. Some of the scars I will always bear are due to the mistreatment of obesity. But, some are from life.
This body has served me well over the years and I treasure it. As I lose weight I am actually finding some results are very pleasing to the eye in spite of the sagging and bagging. Those ugly, annoying pads of fat that rested just below my knees have all but disappeared. My legs are starting to sort of look --dare I say it--pretty? Yeah, they're looking pretty good these days. Collar bones are peaking through. The pad of fat under my chin is almost gone and I can start to see my amazing cheek bones. I found my biceps!!!
Take some time to see the good in your body. Appreciate what it's been able to do. Rebounding from weight gain is AMAZING, YOUR amazing body is doing just that!
Lately the skinnies have been bothering me a bit. Mainly because I am single, feeling like I should avoid dating for a while, and just worried a lot about my life. So, when I see someone who is super skinny, or heck, just regular sized,wearing clothes that are appropriate for the weather (I don't feel comfy wearing shorts because I have so much cellulite that I don't think it would look ok, no matter what my self-esteem is) it just makes me feel like I am behind in a lot of ways. Lately, the super skinnies make me worry about having children. I know I have to lose weight so that it is healthier to have a child. Also, I am just not sure if I am going to attract the best guy for me at the weight. Right now, since the most recent guy I dated has said is ambivalent about me (yeah, he actually said that), and my ex, though being nicer than when we had that huge argument, doesn't seem interested in even meeting me as a friend), and my recent exes all seem to have moved on without me without much stress, I just doubt my ability at picking the right guy.
I was going to go somewhere on a vacation to just get away from things for a while. But, I realize that where I am mentally may not be good for such a trip. I know that if I go I will have the issue of really having to stick to a super tight budget (since I am short on funds, though I am working tons), AND, that I might get bothered seeing all the super skinnies who are 10 years or more younger than me just laughing and partying and having a good time as I waddle to and fro. Sigh.
I am just venting right now. It is good to get things out, even if they aren't the most cheerful things, ya know? I am hoping that getting more rest, taking my vitamins, eating healthy, and exercising will help me to lose 10lbs soon, and make me feel a lot better about myself.
I have a friend who is also obsese...he's in his 30's and still single. Mostly because he goes after the wrong partners. The people he wants to be with are much younger and not really ready to settle down. Secretly...I think he's attracted to this type of person because it's who he wants to be deep down.
I'm going to tell you what I've always told him...you cannot expect anyone to truly love you...until you can love yourself. Despite your faults and your weight. You have to love you no matter what you look like.
The weight will come off, just keep working hard. Who cares what other people look like...be you...and be comfortable being you.
We tend to compare ourselves to people who we think have it better in some way, we rarely compare ourselves to people who could envy us.
I really have no interest in being tiny. I think the common ideal standard of beauty is actually on the underweight side, and I like the look of curvier figures. I want to get under 200 lbs, but I'm not sure how much under 200 lbs I want to go.
I do think beauty comes in many shapes and sizes. I look back at some of my photos in the 225 lb range, and I think I look much prettier than I gave myself credit for at the time. I think how much easier I would have had it if I had just decided that 225 lbs was ok.
I met my DH when we both were near our highest weights (dating put on a few more). I never felt I had to be gorgeous to date, and I always had high standards, because I felt I had a lot to offer in a relationship. I didn't date as often as thinner girls, but I also seemed to date a "cut above" what I saw my thinner friends dating. I never understood why they, with their physical beauty were willing to sell themselves short just to have someone in their life. I dated less, but I dated better. I never dated anyone who didn't treat me as well as I knew I deserved.
Being off-normal (no matter in which way you're off-normal) is always going to reduce your dating pool, but that's not a terrible thing (especially if being normal is your worst nightmare).
I'm not dieting to look great (though I'm sure I'll like some of the changes), and for health every pound matters. Just one pound lost takes 4 lbs of pressure off of your knees while walking. I had sleep apnea at 394 lbs, and after only a 30 to 35 lb loss, the sleep apnea was gone. Every pound matters, so my goal isn't to lose 160 lbs, it's to lose just one more pound. I can't imagine losing 160 lbs. When I started, I couldn't even imagine losing the 85 lbs that I have. For this whole journey, I've only ever looked just one more pound ahead. I don't know if I can lose even 10 more pounds, but I do know that I can lose one more, so that's what I'm focusing on that next pound and only that next pound.
Now that I'm older, I tend to romanticize my body. Have I mistreated it due to being obese--yes, I have. Having said that, I focus on what my body has done and been through. It has given over 2 dozen years of pleasure to my husband. It has given birth to three fantastic sons. It has survived cancer. Some of the scars I will always bear are due to the mistreatment of obesity. But, some are from life.
This is beautiful!!! You know, I have thoughts sometimes about "this dang body", but I have learned to quiet those thoughts. This body has put up with YEARS of abuse at my hand, and yet it still keeps taking it all and doing the best it can to get me where I need to go. Now, I'm asking it to exercise a bit and eat the right foods, and it's rewarding me by dropping pounds! Yeah, this body is probably never going to win a bikini contest, but I LOVE it for all it's done for me and all we've been through together. Honestly, the skinny minis don't affect me one way or the other.
My best friend is a size 2. That will never be me, and it makes me frown inside.
However...this one little bit makes me smile. I know at a size 12 I'll probably far more happier than she is. She who has whined over gaining a mere five pounds.
I know a couple of those "skinny" people. I would not want to be them, they are miserable, unhappy creatures. One is very cute, probably a size 2 except for the fake boobs, which look fake, married for money, has 2 darling daughters, but is in the throws of a nasty divorce because 1 bed was not enough for her. Now she's messing around with a guy who is known to be a player, nasty, manipulative and controlling, also the one she got caught with, the ex never found out about the girl sex parties.
The other married for money and only money. She spends all her time traveling the competitive clay shooting circuit. She is part of the girl party mess with the above mentioned. Along with other things when she's out of town.
These ladies put on a good front while they're at home, church, book club, teaching fitness classes, very active in the community, in the local paper a lot.
They appear on the outside, to be what a lot of think we want to be, cute, thin, in shape, comfortable money wise, well thought of in the community, etc. but despite all that, they are miserably unhappy women.
So, skinny isn't always all it appears to be.
As for myself, I'm not built to be a 2. 10-12 works for me, I'm comfy, have curves and still look good. And most men do like a few curves, my Dad used to say he didn't want a super skinny woman, he didn't want to have to shake the sheets to find his bacon and eggs. My boys married girls who are fit and look good, but still have some those great curves that men like to grab on to!
I've decided to never say never, if I want to be a size 2, then I can be a size 2. When I first started this diet thing a little more than a year ago I couldn't imagine being an 8/10 again - so heck, if I can get here, I can get anywhere. Upward and onward, keep moving and stay positive.
I look back at some of my photos in the 225 lb range, and I think I look much prettier than I gave myself credit for at the time. I think how much easier I would have had it if I had just decided that 225 lbs was ok.
I think about this all the time. I was down to 135 and thought I was fat still. Then I got up to 150 and felt the world was ending. I'd kill to be even back to 190 now.
I think you're still at the dreaming stage, where you are dreaming of being thin and what it might mean. This can make us focus on others and what they weigh, what their body shapes are as we are seeking some sort of idea of what our shape might end up being. This point of view changes as you lose weight. It takes a long time to lose a massive amount of weight and there will be many more changes in how you feel about your body and your goals along the way.
You will know when the goal weight is just right for you. You will feel terrific and it will not matter exactly what size that is. In fact you will move away from wearing "what fits" to being able to wear just about anything and having so much fun being able to see what types and styles of clothes make you feel so good.
As aside, the last time I lose 120 pounds, I was young. I am now much older and I have no idea how my body shape will be at all. I will not be wearing the same kinds of clothes as my tastes have changed. My body shape will be different. Instead of feeling sorry for myself that I will be just a mass of wrinkled hanging flesh....I collect photographs of clothing I see that I would like to wear....sort of like developing a potential style for how I would love to dress when a normal weight again. I really want a very classic and demure style. Start your own album of lovely clothes....it won't matter what the final number size is...it will matter that you dress as you envision it!
A few of you are perpetuating myths to make yourselves feel better - also known as "Skinny Bashing". We get upset when people don't like our big bodies. How can we turn around and do the same thing to those with small bodies??
I spent most of my life as what you call 'skinny'. Really, it was uber fit and super healthy.
How'd I get from there to here? A big health issue a few years ago.
Now, I'm on the road back to my former body, hoping and praying it can once again look mostly like it used to.
I'm 5'3 so a 6 is the biggest I ever need to be. Really, my body is at its best at a size 4.
If you don't want to be small, that's fine. But, don't try to dissuade those of us who do.
