I know this may sound childish coming from an adult, but I have never been more embarrassed than I was today. A child in my daughter class (1st grade) told her that her mommy was fat (Kids call them as the see them). My daughter being the wonderful innocent child she is said and I quote…… “No she isn’t”. I love volunteering in my daughter’s class from time to time, but this really makes me not want to go back in there b/c of pure shame and fear of hearing it face to face and wanting to crawl under the table w/ embarrassment. I know he is just a child but the humiliation of if, is just awful!!!
I'm so sorry. Two different children in my 4 yo's daycare class have come up to me at different times and patted my stomach and asked if I had a baby in there. When I said no, 1 said "well, why are you so fat?" The other said "you have a very big tummy". It is just awful. The shame is horrendous. But know that your daughter loves you and is so happy you come to her classroom.
{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}
I have a completely different perspective. I don't mind children making innocent comments, or asking questions and I answer them honestly and without shame. I am fat. My husband is fat. My husband is also very tall. My sister is very short. My brother-in-law is tall and thin. Children ask questions, and I do my best to answer them. When my nephew asked why I was so fat, he asked me if his brother was white because he was lighter skinned (he and is brother are both multi-racial). I answered him as best I could, though I also told him that asking questions about the way people look could hurt their feelings (and then had to try to explain why).
Even if they do everything right, some people are going to be a little fatter than everyone else. I wish we could treat "fat" like "tall" or "short" or even "funny looking."
I meant he asked me in the same way that he asked if his brother was white -completely innocently. I think an innocent question deserves an innocent anwer, whenever possible.
I am sorry that this has upset you. I agree with Colleen that many children make these comments out of simple curiosity to understand their world. Then there are the children who make these comments because they hear their parents say them and don’t really fully understand the insult they are giving.
You know what - I am fat. However, I don’t want to give anyone the power to make me ashamed of that fact. I think it is such a horrible thing how the world tries to make us feel ashamed of ourselves. We aren’t bad people because we are fat. I think it is far better for you to go into that classroom as a giving, loving wonderful woman, fat or not, and give what you can to those kids. Maybe some of them will see that there is nothing shameful about being fat and it will help to not perpetuate some of the body issues that so many young women are having today.
Last edited by NotTheCheat; 01-09-2008 at 06:16 PM.
Sometimes you don't get to say anything after the comments. I will NEVER forget the time I smiled & said Hi to a little girl in a stroller as I walked by & she started shrieking & crying. I guess my appearance frightened her. I still remember the glare her mother gave me & the disgusted looks on the faces of those standing around like I was some horrible gross person. I was mortified!!! Didn't go to that mall for a looong time after that either.
Sorry that happened in your daughter's class. I think it's great that you are spending time volunteering there...and I'm sure your daughter does too. After all you are her mommy.
I know what you mean by feeling hurt by the comments. The other month I felt belittled when a boy, about 7, looked at me with pure disgust and then whispered to his mother. They both then followed me with their eyes, almost like I had a long trail of toilet paper caught in my dress and trailing me.
I just stop and think they have NO idea what has gone on in my life to lead me to this and they have NO idea how far I have come and how hard we try to become "normal" whatever that is.
Please don't stop going to your daughters class because of this. Your daughter will remember you doing the help and she will love you for who you are and what you are doing. You are one of the few parents, I was one too, who are able to take the time to spend with our child and others.
I remember when my son was in pre-school (he is 18 now), and since it was a Co-op the parents had to volunteer once a month. One little boy said to him "your mom is fat" and my litttle darling looked him straight in the eye and said "So what". I was so proud of him. But it still hurt. Made me feel like not wanting to come back, but I knew how happy he was to have me there. Dont' stop going because of someone else's child because it makes a world of difference to yours.
Thanks guys!!! It is great to chat w/ people who know what you are going thru. I know I shouldn't make my child suffer b/c of another person or child's comment. What is sad is yes kids say things very innocently but some kids say things b/c they are not taught better. I thank GOD that my child at her age has respect.
PS I am going to school this Friday...wish me luck!!!!
"So what!" What an absolutely precious and perfect response.
I really think part of it is our society's tendency to consider "fat" a word so terrible that it trumps all of the foul language we can think of. Parents who are crude and judgemental pass this along to their children because the children have heard their parents talking about such things in a judgemental or cruel way. Parents who are "too polite" don't talk about such things, and react with horror to a child's innocent curiousity. I remember in a mall, a child who asked the "fat question" and the mom yanked on the kids arm and yelled at her to keep quiet and threatened a spanking without explaining. Maybe she "explained" later, but I think it taught the child that "fat" is an obscene word not to be uttered. I think that transfers the message that we are obscene people and unwelcome in "polite society."
This happened to me many moons ago when my oldest child was in preschool. I volunteered there alot..and no one said anything. Then one day I helped in another class that my son was not in and a little girl put her hand on my belly and asked if i was having a boy or a girl..i was shocked! I told her I was not having a baby. Kids just don't realize what they say..and you'd think I would ahve lost weight by then....lol
I have two experiences with children calling me fat one of which i was very angry about and the other i just didn't know what to do so i left it alone.
The first where i was mad I was shopping around christmas time and i was looking at some ornaments and when i reached to get an ornament from a higher part of the shelf my stomach tapped another ornament. There was a little boy there with his mother and he said" look mommy that fat lady just hit the ornament." And the mother just said that i just wasn't being careful. she didn't correct the boy by saying that calling someone fat is mean or impolite she just treated it the comment like it was completely ok. I was not so much mad at the little boy because he was littl. I was extremely mad at his mother for not correcting him allowing him to think that saying such things is ok.
The second situation happened when i was working in a daycare. I was working in a classroom with the younger kids. At playtime they go out with the rest of the school to the play ground. I was standing watching the kids when one of the older boys came over and said in a snide way "You have a very big belly" and i was a little peturbed but i just let it drop. A few days later i was talking to a coworker and he came over again and said "You have a VERY VERY BIG belly!" again i just let it drop and was about to go on with the conversation when the coworker yelled at him and told him that it is not nice to talk to our friends that way.
I just wanted to share that you are not alone and that some mothers don't even correct their children when they are being rude or impolite which just amazed me i wanted to smack her upside the head and i am not usually like that but for some reason i was just floored by it.
I do understand why many, perhaps most people consider the word "fat" a rude word, but personally I admire people who do consider it a non-issue. I don't want parents "shushing" their kids when they ask the "fat" question, especially small children for whom "fat" hasn't yet had an ugly connotation. Fat, should be a description, not a judgement. I am fat. I am blonde. I am fair-skinned. My husband is tall. My sister is short and has freckles. My brother-in-law is skinny and dark. Maybe if we were comfortable talking about fat, it could be a addressed more easily out in the open, where no one has to be ashamed. Maybe it would be less of a cultural problem if it wasn't such a dark, not-so-secret secret.
I hate two little girls asked me once if I had a baby in my belly. I just laughed and said no I dont. Then they asked well what is in there and I said that is what happens to people when they eat too many sweets and chips and dont listen to their moms and dads about eating their veggies. The mother gave me a look like she was very embarrassed and sorry about it. I just smiled at her there was no problem the girls were just curious. I was a wee bit embarassed as I was at my fiancee's friends house and it there were many people there (the girls were his sister in laws) It made it better because I just was very sweet about it and smiled and not let it bother me at all. Kids are just so curious, they ask about skin color, peoples scars, funny looking pets .....everything.
Kids Calling You Fat :(
I am sorry that this has upset you. I agree with Colleen that many children make these comments out of simple curiosity to understand their world. Then there are the children who make these comments because they hear their parents say them and don’t really fully understand the insult they are giving.
I still remember the glare her mother gave me & the disgusted looks on the faces of those standing around like I was some horrible gross person. I was mortified!!! 
Didn't go to that mall for a looong time after that either. 
