You have gotten a lot of good feedback that is beneficial to all of us who are working at losing the extra weight and regaining our once lost good health.
One caveat though: although you feel crummy right now because of this realization, don't stay there long! It was a wake-up call but it is not a reason to stay in that feeling much longer than it took to write your post.
Reread these posts as often as you need to. I saved them in a separate document so I can read them all at once and as often as I need them. I have a separate file folder on my desktop titled "A New Me". It helps me to access those posts when I really need it "right now" and can't seem to find them when I start to go looking for them--sort of like your reading glasses, if you know what I mean!
Good luck! Post often! You can do this!