Chicks in Control Overeating? Binging? Share uplifting support and gain control!

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Old 01-22-2008, 12:45 AM   #1  
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Default Hello and I think I need to be here.

Hello fellow eaters. I'm not new to 3FC, but I am new to your board. I hope you don't mind me jumping in. By the title, for some reason I always assumed that this board was just for bulimics and anorexics, but I see now that isn't true.

I have only been overweight the past 10 yrs or so. Before that, I was a healthy weight. Since I gained weight, I've told myself that I gained it because of the psychiatric medications (partially true), because of sexual trauma that I experienced (also partially true) and other reasons, but the bottom line is that I'm the one that put the food in my mouth, and continue to do so. I am out of control. I've been trying to change my eating ways since May. Some days or weeks, I do really well. Out of the blue, my husband and I will decide to go to a buffet where I eat an enormous amount of food, or another day I might eat a whole bag of chips. I don't go on super crazy binges, but I feel like I am binging because of how full I feel afterwards. If I am at home when this binge happens, sometimes I will purge it up. I'm not a bulimic, I purge about 4-6 times a year...I don't know if that could be considered bulimic behavior or not.

I knew it was a serious problem when the other day, I bought a bag of chips at the store and ate them in the car and before I went in the house, I took the bag out to the trash and threw it away (almost completely eaten) so that no one would know what I did. I feel like I am cheating on my husband with food because I am lying by omission about my eating.

I was doing so well until the holidays. Once I fall off the wagon, it takes me weeks to get back on. Every day, I wake up with good intentions and somehow screw up at some point during the day. I feel out of control. I think I need to address this addiction-like behavior before I can be successful at losing weight. I feel like if I don't get to the bottom of it, I will continue on this cycle. I don't even know if I am in the right place, but I feel like I am a chick out of control. Am I in the right place? Is this a familiar story to anyone? I feel so alone.
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Old 01-22-2008, 08:47 AM   #2  
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Hello, Trooworld,
Oh sweetie- you are a member of a very large, diverse club- those of us who use food to try and fill life hungers that are not "stomach" related! Please do not think that your binges and "mistakes" are a lack of will-power. What these episodes might really be are your very best attempts to comfort yourself when you need love and hope. It's not YOU that is the problem, it's that your toolbox of self-help techniques is only filled with one tool- FOOD. When all you have is a screwdriver, you use it for every repair, right? So, you may need some help (I found a great eating disfunction therapist, and there are many good books out there) expanding your tool box! It is harder early on because the habit to use food as the response to so many hungers (loneliness, sorrow, lack of sleep, boredom anxiety) is pretty strong at first. But, I have found that practice makes, well, not perfect, but BETTER! It is easier for me now to look at my different needs, and pull out a tool besides food to help fill that need. Good luck!
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Old 01-22-2008, 10:06 AM   #3  
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hi trooworld, i read your post, and you are soo in the right place. people over here relate to what you are experiencing. we have all fallen off the wagon at one time or another, you just have to wait for another wagon to come along and hop on. i am also no stranger to binge eating.i have only recently admited that i actually do not have a "normal" relationship with food. i too, have eaten the bag of chips, cookies, candy bars on the way home from the store and then stuffed the bag way down the trash can. and then think to myself " who does this?" well i guess a lot of us do! I often wondered if all overweight people do this, or do they just big portions of food all the time, it seems to make a difference to me at least, knowing that this is a disease of sorts, even a mental thing, its better than thinking iam just a weak, self-destructing and not worthy of being healthy. Has any one else ever had the thought of "why cant i be like everyone else that i know that can eat a normal amount of food and be satisfied, even as a kid i can remember thinking that there must be something wrong with me, myfriends would eat chips and pizza right along with me, and then would stop, and i am thinking...there's still pizza left, why is everyone else stopping, and iam still wanting to consume what ever is left? i guess that's the "skinny gene" that my body is sure lacking. i hope you find comfort in this forum, reading other people's struggles and success's is really a great thing. good luck to you.

Last edited by fabat45; 01-22-2008 at 10:09 AM. Reason: typo
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Old 01-22-2008, 03:40 PM   #4  
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I can identify with the out-of-control feeling, too. It seems like my arms and hands aren't connected to my brain as they rummage through the fridge and shovel the food in. I'm new to these forums, but I can see it's a great source of support, so I think you're in the right place!
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Old 01-22-2008, 05:10 PM   #5  
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Oh golly, mine wasn't chips, it was a Sara Lee frozen orange cake. Ate half of it right out of the package without even thinking - didn't even put it on a plate. Then when I realized what I had done I ate the rest so I could throw the tin away (heaven forbid I should waste it right?). Then, I went to the store, bought another one and had one piece of that one so I could tell everyone "I only had one piece". I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the memory.

You are soooooo not alone. I know you want to get a handle on the bingeing but please, please, please be very careful not to slip into a different sort of ED. Your "occasional" purging worries me. Can you discuss this with the Dr. or Therapist who perscribed the psychiatric meds? Maybe they can adjust the dosage? Or if it's not a med you expect to have to take for life, maybe you are ready to start tapering off? I certainly can't presume to understand your circumstances but I do think that a lot of Drs don't take into account that a big weight gain can be mentally traumatizing in itself and could possibly get in the way of recovery from the original reason for the meds.

So, my opinion aired :-D What helps me a lot is my day planner. When I first came here everyone repeated over and over plan, plan, plan. My first reaction was "yeah right, I don't have time to sit down and plan things out and, besides, my hubs and I like to be very spontaneous - that'll never work for me". Well, I recognized that as being negative thinking (and an excuse not to move forward with getting healthy) and promised myself to give it a try.
Amazing what can happen when we stop saying it can't. Now I use it for everything - my meal log, my shopping list, my exercise log (oh yeah, for the first time in years I actually mailed a birthday card on time too ) Having that tool makes me think twice about everything - If that bag of chips isn't on my shopping list I have to think about it before I put it in the cart. I'm not just rolling down the aisle grabbing whatever looks good. And those buffets? Honey, I live in the buffet capital of the world here. You'd be surprised at how many health(ier) choices you can find if your thinking about what your going to look for before you go in. And look at your plate before you add anything. Try to go back to your table with some plate still showing - remember, it's a buffet, you can always go back. You'll be surprised at how often you decide not to.

OK - I'm a bit of a wind bag (but if I'm posting I'm not snacking ) so last little pearl of wisdom: Don't try to be perfect and don't try to change all your unhealthy behaviors all at once. Take one step at a time, one day at a time. Revel in even the smallest of victories and brush off the setbacks like a gnat.

Welcome the new and healthier you
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Old 01-22-2008, 07:50 PM   #6  
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Thanks for everyone's responses. I appreciate the support and am glad to know I am not alone and that I am in the right place.

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Originally Posted by Circebee View Post
What these episodes might really be are your very best attempts to comfort yourself when you need love and hope. It's not YOU that is the problem, it's that your toolbox of self-help techniques is only filled with one tool- FOOD. When all you have is a screwdriver, you use it for every repair, right? So, you may need some help (I found a great eating disfunction therapist, and there are many good books out there) expanding your tool box!
Circebee, you are so wise. I love the analogy of the toolbox and screwdriver. I never thought about it like that. And I think you are right about substituting eating for other things...what's funny is that I have a wonderful and supportive husband and friends that are good listeners and I guess I'm not using them, I am using what ails me as an excuse to eat. It's a knee-jerk reaction, I don't even think about it until the bag of chips is almost gone, or my stomach is so full of pizza that I have to unbutton my pants etc. I also have a good therapist and psychiatrist but I have so much other crap going on that I am working on that the eating goes on the back burner! I know if I say that I want to work on it that they will say that I need to work on the underlying things that make me eat, and I guess that makes sense. I am just impatient. I took your suggestion and ordered a few books off Amazon: "Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters" (a Hazelden book) and "The Thin Books: Daily Strategies & Meditations for Fat-Free, Guilt-Free, Binge-Free Living". I like the daily affirmation/meditation books, I have one for another problem.

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Originally Posted by fabat45 View Post
i too, have eaten the bag of chips, cookies, candy bars on the way home from the store and then stuffed the bag way down the trash can. and then think to myself " who does this?" Has any one else ever had the thought of "why cant i be like everyone else that i know that can eat a normal amount of food and be satisfied. i hope you find comfort in this forum, reading other people's struggles and success's is really a great thing.
I am sorry that you go through this too, but I am glad to see someone else with such crazy habits. I feel so insane! That is exactly how I was thinking (Who does this?)...and in the past, when I get a bag of chips and want to throw it in the trash, I have had to crush the bag so that I won't dig it out of the trash and eat it!!! Crazy. I feel like such a pig. I wonder why I can't be like other people, too. I think it will help visiting this forum, I've found other forums on this site tremendously helpful. Thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serena C View Post
It seems like my arms and hands aren't connected to my brain as they rummage through the fridge and shovel the food in.
Oh yes, this is how I feel. Sometimes my brain will kick in and ask me what the **** I am doing but my sick side tells the healthy side to kiss off and continues to eat regardless. Usually I don't realize what has happened until I am almost done eating, or done eating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yoyodieterinvegas View Post
Your "occasional" purging worries me. Can you discuss this with the Dr. or Therapist who perscribed the psychiatric meds? When I first came here everyone repeated over and over plan, plan, plan. And those buffets? Honey, I live in the buffet capital of the world here. Don't try to be perfect and don't try to change all your unhealthy behaviors all at once. Take one step at a time, one day at a time. Revel in even the smallest of victories and brush off the setbacks like a gnat.
Yoyo--- I'm glad I don't have a sweet tooth, but I guess a salty tooth is just as bad. I can totally picture myself eating a cake and then buying another one to eat just one piece...I would probably do that too (except with something salty or cheesy). I should bring up the purging with my docs, maybe if they know I am doing that they will bring that issue to the front burner. Unfortunately, I am bipolar, so the meds are here to stay. I never thought about purging affecting my meds but it's something to consider. I've GOT to find a healthier way to deal with this, and I hate to exercise so it's gotta be something else. I think I will try going for a walk. I also saw a thread on here that is cyberbinging...it seems like a good idea to post what I want to eat and how many calories...I think that might make me think more about it. re: planning...the funny thing is that I take great care in planning out healthy menus every week, I balance out calories and fiber and fat and everything and I pick interesting things to eat. It just all goes out the window when I am hungry or lazy or emotional. I have a gmail calendar that I use a lot for planning...I put my meal plans in that along with other things, kind of like what you do with your calendar. And I use Fitday too, although I haven't used it in about 3 weeks because I am too ashamed of how I've been eating.
re: LV buffets...oh man, I know you live in buffet ****...that must be so tempting. I live in San Diego and there are about 6 casinos within an hour and they all have buffets. We only go to one casino's buffet and I am sure that I could get something semi-healthy but my mind goes into addict mode when I am there, so I just have to stay away, I think. I made a New Year's resolution to not go to buffets this year...we'll see if I can keep it up. Thanks for your support and you AREN'T a windbag...you said very helpful things!

I don't know how I got here (a binger), I used to be a "normal" eater. I was a healthy weight. But I wasn't healthy in other areas of my life, I guess the dysfunction just transferred to eating issues. I think I am making progress on the issues that affect me but I have a long way to go, as you can see. It truly helps to know I am not alone and I can post on here and maybe someone can relate to what's going on. I think about food constantly--- planning for the week, making a grocery list, daily I look forward to dinner, I search out recipes, etc. It's sick that I am so in love with food.

Thanks, everyone. Now who's the windbag?
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Old 01-23-2008, 11:34 AM   #7  
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First of all big "YAY" for you for sticking with your meds! I have a cousin who is bipolar and about a year ago used her weight gain as an excuse to go off hers - which, of course, has resulted in utter chaos. She's even more unhappy now, and for more reasons than just her weight.

As for being in love with food? Well, before you got married I bet you broke up with a couple of boyfriends you thought you were in love with right?. Hurt like heck for a while but look what happened - you found a keeper! Try looking at food that way too - you may go in to mourning over those chips but if you keep an open mind (and heart) you can find a healthy substitute that you can love too. Not to say that the portion control won't still be a challenge even with healthy foods but it's a great step in the right direction. But, again, make sure you keep in touch with your Dr. and, tough (embarrassing) as it may be, let them read your food log. As you change the type of foods you eat there is a good chance you might change your body chemistry which could effect your reaction to the meds and they may need to reevaluate your dosage.

And don't be ashamed to use your fitday! By not keeping an honest log of your food the only person you are cheating is you! And I guarantee that there is no one here is snooping and snickering about a binge. We've all been there.

OK - just a light breeze today
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Old 01-25-2008, 01:04 AM   #8  
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Hey yoyo...thanks, yeah, I've been there done that with the experimentation of going off the meds, not a good thing...hopefully your cousin can get back on them soon. It's painful when you are in that kind of chaos.

You've got a good point. Is it okay to be in love with healthy foods? Like, not carrot sticks or something simple like that (although yummy), I mean in love with good quality/tasting food...healthy casseroles, grilled salmon, etc, you know what I mean? I think I love good tasting food, I enjoy it...I don't know how to explain myself. I guess in a way, I am a foodee? I love wine and cheese and finding healthy recipes or ways of making my favorite recipes healthier. How much thinking about food is too much? I have broke up/been broken up by a few boyfriends and yes, I thought I was in love but forget about it, I wasn't!

As for Fitday, I've been hiding from myself; I haven't entered anything in it since 12/20...I've been in denial. I need to start using it again, it is a great tool. Starting tomorrow, I will use it again! And just now, I figured out how to print my food logs, so I can share it with my therapist and doctor. I think that's a good idea. It will show why I ate, what I ate, who I ate with and where I ate.

Thanks for your helpful suggestions and your support. It's time I get back on track. I did well today except that after picking up my husband from work, we were both so starving that when we stopped to get water, we somehow slipped into the drive-through line at Burger King and I had a value meal. Yesterday was a good day though. Tomorrow will be a good day, too, I hope.
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Old 01-25-2008, 11:16 AM   #9  
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Hey trooworld,

You sound so much more optimistic already! So you had a value meal, big deal. You were at a fast food place, could have been waaaayyy worse. I think you did great sticking with the value meal!

As for being in love with healthy food and wanting to think about it all the time? I certainly don't want to sound like I'm encouraging O/C behavior so absolutely share these ideas with your therapist but, when I expressed some concern that my food journaling might be bordering on obsessive, someone on another thread I visit pointed out that most of us with eating issues are at least a little O/C anyway so if I'm exchanging an unhealthy obsession for one that's going to be benificial to my health, it would be OK for me to look at it as a positive step. Maybe you can look at it that way too. And I think we can use the guy analogy again - What first attracts you might be the looks (taste of the food) but for the long haul what really counts is what's underneath. So if your "love affair" is progressing to the point where you are really paying attention to that "what's underneath" part and having fun discovering healthy recipes then I think thats great - and necessary for a successful lifetime relationship right? Then, sooner than you think, you'll be able to settle in to that "old married couple" phase where, even though you still love those healthy foods, you'll be secure knowing they are always there for you so you'll be able to spend less time with them and start enjoying other things in your life. (I don't know how long you've been married but I'm going on 18 years and, as much as I love him, I can assure you that a little "portion control" in the amount of time we spend together gets much easier as the years go by )

Positive thoughts for a healthy, happy day headed your way
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Old 01-25-2008, 11:39 AM   #10  
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P.S. There is a sticky at the top of this board with inspirational quotes. You should check them out. They are all great and a lot of them really hit home.
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Old 01-26-2008, 12:00 PM   #11  
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Yeah I am feeling better. I started my Fitday again yesterday...I ate 2500 cals. It would have been less, but I drank a bunch of wine and my hubby and I allow ourselves a cheat meal every week (which also means cheat lunch the next day) and he wanted homemade spaghetti and meatballs for the meal. I did eat less pasta than I usually get...if I were binging I would eat 2 big plates, so I feel like I was controlled in my eating last night. Of course, that is way above my caloric goal for each day (1700 cals) but it was a "free" meal, so it could have been worse. I remember we went to Chili's about 5 months ago and I got the honey chicken crispers and when I came home and looked up the nutritional info, it was something like 2300 cals for the meal. That was a shock!

I like the analogy of the married couple. haha Wow, 18 years? That's great! My hubby and I have been married 3 years in August. Sometimes it feels like 18 years, though! I will check out the quotes, thanks. Have a good weekend.
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Old 01-29-2008, 04:14 PM   #12  
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Hi Troo - just wanted to check in and say a quick hi
Hope you are still feeling good and making progress with your plan. Sounds to me like you are doing it just right - taking one step at a time. Are you still having fun coming up with those healthier recipes for your favorite dishes?
Gotta run - getting busy at work but hope all is well
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Old 01-29-2008, 11:52 PM   #13  
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Hello yoyo...

Well, I haven't been doing well the past two days, but I will get back on track. I don't know what's wrong...I'm kind of glum today and I just want to eat everything. I ate more than I should and I feel even worse than I already did. The good news is that I will be at school all day tomorrow and it's hubby's turn to cook, so food will be controlled tomorrow. I guess I'm back to step one because I didn't track my food yesterday or today. Tomorrow is a new day though, right?

Oh, the recipes: my hubby is finding a bunch of yummy healthy stuff, too, so we should have a bunch of new stuff to try.
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Old 01-30-2008, 11:13 AM   #14  
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Hi Troo!

well, sometimes the hardest part of getting on track with a healthy eating plan is getting past the blahs and past the old "what's the use" feeling - which can possibly actually be caused by what we are eating. When my doc first gave me the order to start journaling my food, he not only had me writing down everything that went in my mouth but how I felt each day as well - mood wise as well as physical. There are some definite patterns that emerged - like if I eat too much wheat my joints get achy and too much processed sugar makes me just want to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and not bother with anything.

I know it's really tough to be consistent with the journaling - sometimes we just don't want to face what we ate (and my thing was being afraid hubs would read it and think he married Miss Piggy - like he can't tell that by looking at me ) I know FitDay and other online journals are convenient for counting calories and carbs and such but the only thing that got me to really stick was to go treat myself to a day planner that I just really liked (Doesn't have to be big bucks - found mine at Target for under $20 - they have just plain journals too but I liked the idea of have the dates already mapped out - made it more obvious if I skipped a day). I liked the way it looked and felt in my hand (still do in fact). Just holding it made me feel kind of warm and fuzzy (wierd, I know, but that's the only way I can think to describe it). Then I got some little stickers and stick-on rhinestones from a scrapbooking place and went ahead through the whole year jotting down little quotes that I thought would get me back on track if I had slipped and marking expected milestone days (like my scheduled weigh days). Doing all that made me feel like I was actually taking control and dolling it up makes it feel like a hobby and friend instead of a chore and the enemy. - I look at is as documenting my progress instead of just a record of my slips (no failures, just slips ).

Another little thing to try - I read a quote somewhere that said "Today is the tomorrow you were waiting for yesterday". Try thinking of that when you want to say "Oh well, I blew it I might as well eat everything in sight today and I'll get back on track tomorrow" It's not easy but if you look at each moment as your opportunity for a new start it might help. In the beginning I found myself making several "new starts" in one day but each one gave me a little more feeling of making real progress toward the actual control I'm aiming for. My record is 6 days in a row without any new starts (yay me ) - my goal is to only have to make one new start a month (then I'll go for one every 6 months). I don't expect to get there right now but I do expect myself to "get over it and move on" instead of beating myself up.

So, I'm rooting for you to start focusing on all your positive steps and no dwelling on the slips (OK, you can pout for 5 minutes but that's all )

Positive thoughts, Positive thoughts, Positive thoughts, Positive thoughts,
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Old 02-03-2008, 11:02 AM   #15  
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Hello yoyo! Sorry I am just now responding: I got busy with school and couldn't visit the forum. What a great idea your food journal is. You sound like you've really taken the idea and run with it. That's neat how you pinpointed what you eat affecting your physical self. I like how you put in inspirational quotes and stickers and rhinestones. Cool idea. I really do like Fitday, I think that at this point I wouldn't write in a "physical" journal either, I just don't want to face it.

I really like the quote...it's so wise. I think I am going to print it out and hang it on my refrigerator. A year from now, I don't want to be starting all over again thinking "if I would have stuck with my program, I would have lost X amount of weight by now". Congrats on your 6 day record! I wish you luck with getting to your next goal. To go without binging for a month, that would be awesome. That's a great goal.

I have been doing well lately. No chips and no overeating. We've followed our menu plan except for one scheduled eating out. We decided to go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and before we went, we stopped by El Pollo Loco and ate (I ate something healthy though). It had been about a year or so since we went to an OA meeting, we used to go all the time. It was nice going and I think it helped. We are going back next Friday.

Yesterday, I was grocery shopping and I had another store to go to but was starving. I was at a store and wanted to eat something and my mind said, "you can buy a bag of chips and eat that in the car, that's the only thing you can eat on the go" but I realized I could eat turkey jerky on the go, so I bought a small bag of it and ate that. I was proud of myself for staying away from the chips, which would have almost certainly meant a binge.
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