[NewDay4MeToo]

I was in denial when I first decided to lose weight. I had convinced myself that clothes were cut smaller than they used to be. I thought that there was no way I was the size I was. I refused to buy clothes in the "Plus" sizes, even though that was probably where I should have been. I scoured the regular sizes until I found clothes cut generously enough to accomodate my body.

Add to this the fact that when I was smaller, I had always worn my clothes sort of tight, especially shirts. Not crazy skin tight, but I was a kid that liked to show off a little. So, I kept on wearing pretty tight clothes, convinced that that still looked good. It didn't. It was awful.

After I got serious about losing weight, I went and looked at my BMI. That word stared back at me... obese. Sure, I knew I was a little chubby. But obese? I had almost no muscle, there really was no other word for me. It was so scary. I was shocked. That word was so so ugly to me. How could that word be associated with me? I always thought I was a fairly attractive girl.

Now, I am officially in the "overweight" BMI category. This feels much much better. Yet now, I am so much more aware of my body. I know where my bulges are. I know exactly how my tummy curves, the size of my arms. Part of what got me to obese was being out of touch with reality.

Obese... what do you think of this word?

[AmberKay]

Yeah, I had a really similar reality check. When I checked my BMI for the first time...that was when I really got scared and it kind of jolted me into reality.

The word obese...hm, I never thought it applied to me. Honestly, I still don't FEEL obese. My BMI right now, at 168 lbs, is 31.7. That's technically obese. I also have really muscular legs...maybe that's why my mind doesn't want to accept that I'm obese.

It's a dirty, dirty word.

[FaeReverie]

I hate that word.

I mean, it applies to me, as much as I don't want to admit it.. but it's an evil word. I wish they had made up a different word to describe it.. I like to say "extreamly overweight" because it doesnt sound quite so harsh.

NewDay - *hugs* I know what you mean.. we've all been there. Congrats on the loss so far though!

[shrinkingchica]

It is an ugly, horrible word that is almost like a condemnation.

[Marineswife85]

I hear ya on that.. I was always chubby as a kid but at 16 i lost a ton of weight and wsa actually "skinny" and then slowly gained weight back until i was 200 something lbs.. Ive repetedly gained and lost this 20 lbs the last 2 years since having mys on and im hoping to keep it off this time lol. But yeah... seeing that i am "obese" not just "overweight" was heart wrenching.. nobody wants to be obese....

[buckettgirl]

Heh, I'm almost just "obese" instead of extreme obese or morbidly obese - my BMI is right between the 2 categories right now.
It is a reality check. It took me a long time to accept the word. But I don't consider it "evil" or "bad".... the word obese means that I have a problem; means that I have a challenge ahead of me; that size doesn't matter (as far as people stereotyping the obese population). Its not a dirty word anymore... to me it really signifies a journey - and someday when I am a normal weight and tell others I was obese, it will be word that signifies triumph.
I am obese; I am fat. That is my reality; and I will never let people insult me by telling me "oh you're not *that* big" or "you're not fat". I am and I am no longer in denial and I am not offended by a tactful recognition of it. It isn't something that I am proud of; but I am glad to have had the life experiences that I have because of it.

[dollypie]

I have to admit I DO NOT like this word at all. It's not the word itself, it is the fact that I let myself become "obese." I always thought it wasn't my fault. I went to college and put on the Freshman 15 plus. Got married and gained a few. Graduated and got a very stressful job, gained a few more. Parents divorced, gained alot more. But what is boils down to is that I didn't take care of myself or like myself enough to remain healthy. I always went to food as an emotional outlet. Well I have decided that no more of that. It is time to take care of myself and kick the word "obsese" to the curb and let it stay there!

[bida]

I still am in denial - there is no way I can be obese - yes I am bigger than everyone else - but Obese? Can not be!

I have always been able to shop at regular stores, and for my weight, esp for hte past 8 years have always been able to find 14/16s that fit - even an occasional 12 - but are cuts getting bigger - I deny it of coures! (though I think they are)

I blame my big bones, muscles that seem to expand even when they arent' terribly strong, and my big breasts for sucking up the majority of my weight - people never guess my weight, I tell myself - I do not look almost 190 - perhaps 170 or 160 even, but am I kidding myself? I am not sure.

I am caught in a bubble where I believe I am huge by myself, but when I compare myself to others, I tell myself good things - but I am still left depressed by it at the end of the day. I realize it is somethign I have to think less and less about - becuase I know when (and often) when I obsess about it, I become worse, and do not do anything about it - becuase I am so caught up in self denial and depression that I just sit. It wears me down.

Obesity I don't want to be, even when my BMI says it, I can not believe it. Overweight, yes I can admit to that - but Obesity - it is such an ugly word - my mother is Obese - I am not - I am not like my mother.

And there you have it - the ugly word shoved in my face, one almost wants to become anoerexic - but one doesn't need another problem Plus - there is no way I could ever not eat!

must go running tonight!