i totally agree with lizzbabe...even though i am at a healthy weight and can fit into regular sizes, i still feel like "the fattest one" sometimes. i even still reach for the back of the rack when i am shopping to find the biggest size they carry (despite the fact that i wear a 6/8!) my weight loss has taken quite a long time, so i'm hoping that after i reach goal this year i will start thinking clearly within a few months or years!
I understand about this too! Even when there are people more overweight than I am...I still feel like people look at me and think I'm chunky. I always think even though certain people are heavier than me, they must carry it better or something. And then when I AM the largest girl in the room, I really feel HUGE!...I am hoping that will change in a few months! Even when I was at 152 I felt very overweight. I'm hoping when I get to 130 those weird feelings/thoughts will go away.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and it's driving me crazy! Just this past weekend a bunch of friends and I hung out all together for the first time in years and I just felt like I was still "the fat girl". I go out to clubs every weekend so I always wonder what people think about "the fat girl" out at the club and so on. It's frustrating! I can't wait to shed this weight and *hopefully*(crosses fingers) not continue to view myself as the fat girl.
Before I went to the group fitness classes at my gym (a university one where everyone seems to be wearing cute work out clothes in a size 2, tan and blonde...) I was terrified of standing out. And I went.. and I stood out. I usually am the biggest person in the class, but I love going and I realized that I would much rather be the big girl in the kickboxing class than the big girl sitting on the couch.
I definitely hear you about the gym thing, but it gets better!
I certainlt felt that way in the beginning--especially since I go to an admittedly yuppified gym..and what's worse than a gym in NYC? Everyone, it seems, is young and thin and hot.
But two things happened:
1. I'm still the big girl, but I'm much less of a big girl than I was. And that's the point, about making this change for me.
2. I might be the big girl, but now I'm the athletic big girl. I'm actually more in shape in terms of intensity and endurance than half of the other girls at the gym--really!
I've actually had a few "normal size" girls come up to me and say that they've been admiring me either because they've seen my change so far or because they envy my fitness level. (And even a guy, when he had to adjust his weight stack DOWN from my level on the leg press...)
And that feels pretty dang amazing....because yeah, I might be overweight, but I can still kick your butt! It also sometimes becomes even a motivator, appealing to that competitive streak in me--and nice to shatter some of those stereotypes that all fat people are lazy and out of shape.
Although you might feel uncomfortable at first. You are doing this for yourself and shouldn't really care what other people in the class thinks. And most likely they will admire you for making an effort.
I definitely hear you about the gym thing, but it gets better!
I certainlt felt that way in the beginning--especially since I go to an admittedly yuppified gym..and what's worse than a gym in NYC? Everyone, it seems, is young and thin and hot.
But two things happened:
1. I'm still the big girl, but I'm much less of a big girl than I was. And that's the point, about making this change for me.
2. I might be the big girl, but now I'm the athletic big girl. I'm actually more in shape in terms of intensity and endurance than half of the other girls at the gym--really!
I've actually had a few "normal size" girls come up to me and say that they've been admiring me either because they've seen my change so far or because they envy my fitness level. (And even a guy, when he had to adjust his weight stack DOWN from my level on the leg press...)
And that feels pretty dang amazing....because yeah, I might be overweight, but I can still kick your butt! It also sometimes becomes even a motivator, appealing to that competitive streak in me--and nice to shatter some of those stereotypes that all fat people are lazy and out of shape.
It is so true! I am always comparing myself and almost always the fattest girl in the room! However I know I kick butt at the gym! I can lift quite a bit and have been known to do an hour on the eliptical (mind over matter baby!) The greatest compliment was from this skinny minny said "wow you are amazing! That thing kicks my but in 15 minutes!" Sometimes when I want to quit and get off the machine I say to myself "Hey who am I going to impress today!" Major motivator!
However I do have a problem in other settings. Stores are the worst. I swear the sales ladies are talking about me...why is she shopping here she is tooo fat. Or at a grocery store I feel people are looking at my cart. And the worst is sometimes I hang out with my "fat friend" to shop with or eat with because I feel that they stare less at me.........I feel like such a horrible person!
Like everything you have to focus on the compliments.....I have been told on numerous occasions that I have the most beautiful smile, and have even been refered to as the lovely joyful one in my group. but sometimes I just want to be the skinny one!
I know how you feel! I live on a military base and was going to the gym this past summer (before I fell off the wagon and got back on again) and felt so uncomfortable and out of place that I dreaded it every day. But in the end you need to tune everyone else out and remember that you are there for your benefit..the important thing is that you are doing it so who cares what people think (I know easier said than done!)
It is so true! I am always comparing myself and almost always the fattest girl in the room! However I know I kick butt at the gym! I can lift quite a bit and have been known to do an hour on the eliptical (mind over matter baby!) The greatest compliment was from this skinny minny said "wow you are amazing! That thing kicks my but in 15 minutes!"
That use to happen to me also..I could do eliptical machine for about 70 minutes and I went with my friend who is really skinny and she was winded and had to get off after 15 minutes. I love that machine..wish I had one in my home. :-)
When I go running with my friend (who looks like a twig) I always wonder if people are thinking of me as the "chubby one" even though I have to keep urging her to run more because I have better endurance. Sigh I wish I could stop the comparisons!
And the worst is sometimes I hang out with my "fat friend" to shop with or eat with because I feel that they stare less at me.........I feel like such a horrible person!
I've been overweight all my life so I don't often notice being the fattest in the room anymore but I do something like the opposite of this--I get more self-conscious of my size if I'm doing something with somebody who close to my size. Like, I can stand to be the fat girl in the swimsuit sometimes, but there's no way I'm going to deal with being one of those two fat girls in swimsuits!
I remember reading a book by a fitness writer and she wrote how she was staying in another state while travelling and went for a jog one morning. A woman, who was considerably overweight, was walking as fast as she could along the same route as her. She said that a particular car of young men leant out of the car and leared at her and called her all sorts of derogatory names due to her size. However, the woman kept up her pace and went on her way.
Anyway, months down the track she was in the same city again visiting and while jogging she saw a slender, very fit woman running confidently along the path. a car came past and wolf whistles and "hey baby's" were being called her way by the men in the car. It was the same men that the writer saw harassing this woman months ago and although she probably got the same treatment each day when first getting out and exercising, she kept at it and achieved her goal.
I remember once a couple of years ago, my BF had bought me a bike. I lived about 2 km's from a lake that was perfect for me to ride around, but I had to ride there first of course. Well I was riding down a street and had to pass some young girls (about 14 years old) walking on the path. I got around them and then heard this "look at the size of that ***" and they began comments such as "the bike might break" etc. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about it now and how hurt I felt.
I have to say I have not ridden a bike again and will not until I am confident enough - but that is me. It is one of the biggest factors as to why I am fearful of exercising in public.
Walking the dogs is a good excuse as i feel like it looks like I am doing it for the dogs benefit. I just feel that I am mutton dressed as lamb when I exercise - like i am trying to be something I am not.
It is one of the biggest hurdles I have to get over. Even exercising at home (which is where I do my weights), I will not do it when anyone else is in the house, or I will ban my BF from the area of the house I exercise in. I just feel so self conscious.
I don't go swimming (as much as I would like to), I avoid seeing my BF's ex as she is bitter and twisted and I can feel her judging me by my weight. She dropped off BF's kids one day and when I opened the door to let the kids in, she grabbed the daughter and said "theres the fat cow now". Oh and apparently i have a big nose, which I don't think I do. I know this because BF's daughter felt compelled to tell me as she didn't like what her mum said about me - but she didn't want to hurt me. I won't lie, it did hurt to hear it, but then I said "well perhaps your mum should look in the mirror sometime", to which the daughter said "I know!". She's no prizing winning cow either.
geez i better stop now - sorry for the rambling it just all poured out.
I noticed, it happened again. I was in a workshop and suddenly.....I realize I am I am the "fat girl in the room" not only that, but my grade partner was at the workshop and when we presented together I felt like a house! I couldnt think, or concentrate, or anything, my mind just kept repeating your the fat one your the fat one....
Then to make matters worse someone said "Oh I love your sweater" Stupid I know but I feel they must be thinking ...ANd there is soooo much of it to love! Good Grief...
As you can tell from my ticker, I definitely have some poundage to lose. But about two years ago, I probably weighed at least 30 pounds less, and I guess I don't "show" my weight as much as some. Now, my best friend is probably only a little bit heavier than I am, but I'm 5'6" and she's 5'2", so she looks heavier.
So about 2 years ago my friend and I went to the shore, and one night we went to one of the piers with the rides and all. We went on that himalaya ride (that runs you round and round in a circle real fast), and the first time we went on it, I was on the inside of the ride so that as the ride was going faster I was squishing the crap out of my friend. We of course found this funny, as apparently did the 2 young guys who were running the ride. Right after we got off the ride the first time, we decided to go back on again, this time with my friend sitting on the inside so that we'd be even. But before the ride started, one of the guys came over to us and told us that we couldn't sit the way we were and that I would have to move to the inside. They apparently did this because they thought that she would squish me too hard! My friend never commented on it, but I felt really bad about it.
Also, when I go to the gym I always try to go in the mornings on the weekends-- for one, it's much less crowded; but one of the main reasons is because this is when all the old out-of-shape people go, so I don't feel as bad. Even so, I saw these 2 girls there the other day who I knew in hs, and they were always mean to me (and they're really in shape). Once I saw them, I ducked out of there, bc I thought they'd recognize me and make some nasty comment.
Do it for yourself
