I don't enjoy shopping. Well, I enjoy the concept of shopping...but I hate that the 'cute' clothes don't come in plus size. I hate that the store I prefer to shop in don't even HAVE plus size section. Get skinny or GTFO.
So the past five years or so I have been shopping at Wal-mart, Target...cheap places with every size under the sun. Both because I wasn't going to like what looked halfway decent on me so why spend $$...and because buying clothes that fit made me feel like I was saying "yea, this is what size I am and plan to be." I stopped wearing pants and bought skirts with elastic bands. It helped me delude myself into thinking I wasn't as big. An XL isn't as insulting as an 18/20.
I stopped even going into the mall stores that I used to get my wardrobe from.
Last week I went to the mall, H&M had just opened and my supermodel skinny friend was all a-twitter with excitement about it. I was bummed, knowing nothing in the store would fit me.
EVERY SIZE 14 FIT LIKE A GLOVE. I got to try on four -Count them-
FOUR gorgeous dresses. Spurred on by my unexpected success I ventured into several other stores I'd been avoiding for years. I got to try on clothing in each. I felt awesome. More importantly, I felt NORMAL. I felt like every other shopper in the store, picking something off the rack and going back to try it on instead of staring at a gorgeous top with longing and sadness, knowing the store didn't even carry a size I could fit. It was AWESOME.
I haven't really felt like I looked any different...I still feel huge and gross and all the terrible things we tell ourselves are true...but this was undeniable change. And it made my freaking week. The photos below are me near my highest weight of 200...and then me in a size 12 dress from the Limited. Last week.