MiZ, hurray for good news! i am a firm believer in positive thinking and all that crap, though sometimes it is hella hard to put yourself in that mindframe when thinks are going wrong... but good for you that you are there right now
JL, eheh, i wouldn't consider my loose pants "lucky" eheh.... i was walking down the hall earlier and they were in serious danger of falling off my butt. lol. i think i might have to wear skirts to work for the next two weeks!! i do have other work pants, but i don't like them as much congrats on not touching the cookies! your day sounds fun
krampus, what do you do to entertain yourself?? i've read all my blogs and fb and even studied a bit, read a book... man... there is still like 2+ hours to go. had lunch with the kids and that was entertaining, although i did feel terrible for the kid in front of me who "had" to eat like 4 bags of soft-men (kinda spagetti-like noodles) because some kids in the class were absent and they have to eat ALL of it... he was basically gagging on the last bag and i felt so bad for him. i mean, i think that it's great that the kids are forced to eat everything so it makes them learn to not be picky, but if there are a bunch of absent kids, they should be able to return the food! seriously japan.... *shakes head*
Lianna, yeah... skinny people will never be able to understand it. and we just have to deal with it, i guess. doesn't mean your friends are uncaring or love you any less, although i do get what you mean. being fat, it's as much a mental thing as it is a physical one and yeah, when you change the physical part, the mental needs a bit of time to adjust (or sometimes will just have a freakout! lol) anyways. don't worry about it too much, especially if it's not your emotions but the emotions of someone on tv. just try to get yourself there, you know? hang in there!
Lianna, I know. It is much more than just occupying less physical space. I try not to talk about it with my friends IRL much since none of them get it and I know they are all judging me for being "too obsessed" and probably honestly liked me better before I started living healthy. News flash, being "obsessed" is the only reason I haven't gained any weight back.
KawaiiCandie I've been making homemade Xmas cards to mail out so that keeps me fairly busy...other than that it's just running to and from the bathroom because I drink water and tea all day long. And trying to avoid eating the f!cking chocolate in my desk.
Kawaii Oh cute! The headphones I mean. I think I actually need to stay away from Japan hah...I would be broke seriously quickly. SERIOUSLY. Also thanks for the compliment but I think that that photo is just a different angle! I'm sure my face isn't that much slimmer than my current picture. It's only 7 weeks old. Hah. Yay for too big pyjama pants as well!!
Lilly Thanks for the compliment! Feel free to ask away... I'm fairly knowledgeable on my own city (Auckland) and some of the North Island, but I am a terrible New Zealander in that I've lived here my whole life and have never visited the South Island! Hope you did well with snacks while studying!
platformnine Thanks! It's a fun dress, and it was cheap, which I love. Cheap and flattering is all I want hah. What kind of dog do you have?
Miz Yay for the day shift!! Good news!
JL Thank you for the compliment! Yeah it is nice to have warm weather...but we had winter not too long ago so it all evens out eventually haha. Glad to hear your doc appointment went well, that's awesome stuff!
krampus Lunch sounds goooooood. Mmmm. Hope it was tasty. Hope you also get some relief in the poop sector! I hate when that happens... Also I like your blog! I just read your most recent post - I think your outlook is so balanced and inspiring. You have come a long way and you have made awesome achievements, I am jealous of your thighs - I want thighs like you describe!! I am not doing much to get them though... And yeah, the fading with the hair colour is RIDICULOUS. By next week it will be nowhere near as bright. By the time it comes to get my hair done again, it will be a completely different colour altogether.
Lianna I am with you on that - people who have never been fat I don't believe can truly understand what it's like to become smaller.
~ So I had a good, productive day I think! I went to my studio...only painted for 40 minutes, but that's a far cry from the past few months where I haven't even ventured close to the studio at all. After that I bought a Christmas present for my friend and went to visit her at the gallery she volunteers at. Then another friend texted so I went over to her place and we had a cup of tea and a catch up - she's one of my best friends but I don't see her often enough. Then I went to go and "visit" my boyfriend - since I live at his house pretty much, it was kind of weird just to go over there in the afternoon knowing that I was only there for an hour or so - I basically went there to avoid rush hour traffic.
Then went out with my parents for a quick dinner and some shopping with my mum. I got some new bras, sports and normal - much needed!! Got a light flowy dress to wear when it's ridiculously hot in summer, would make a good dress to cover up a hypothetical swimsuit (I don't have one yet..) and then I think I went a little bit crazy and bought something that I would never have bought in a million years. The lady in the shop said it looked good...my mum said it looked good...I kind of think it looked good but I was freaked out about it - it's a playsuit/romper thing. Like... shorts/shirt all in one that kind of looks like a dress... it's black with pink bows on it. I am freaked out about wearing it in public. EEP.
I might have to post a picture and see what you ladies think...and if I do, you'll have to be honest - if it doesn't look great now I think it's the kind of thing that will look ok even if it's a little big on me...oh man it's a scary item of clothing.
rainbowstripe wear your romper/playsuit with pride! people wouldn't lie to you about it.
I have occasional episodes of disordered thinking about food and sizes and stuff and I'm quite upset about it right now. Today I binged on candy at work - SO STUPID as it was 15 minutes before quitting time - I probably had 15 chocolates at 60ish calories apiece. Came home, ate a little food, and started watching a documentary about 2 British journalists who crash dieted from US size 8 to US size 00 in 6 weeks. All I could think was that the one chick looked way better at 00 than 8, and I found it so triggering that I...ate peanut butter out of the jar. I had been planning on taking a laxative anyway tonight and I took it. Now I just feel kind of sick and sad and not sure what to think. I think I just need a hug. Good thing I'm going to visit my boyfriend tomorrow. Hanging out with him usually amounts to comfort eating, but I feel like anything would be better than sitting here HATING myself and feeling utterly out of control of everything. This is the second Thursday in a row I've binged alone and felt manic about it.
At least I did my 100 pushups plus that weights-free training circuit thingy, though cardio will have to wait until morning.
rainbow, yeah, ask me why on my JET salary, i haven't saved any money.......... gah!
speaking of which, i am kind of in a **** mood right now because after school today, i had a meeting with the lady at the board of education to discuss recontracting. i've already done 3 years on the program, and to recontract a 4th year, apparently you have to have a firecracker up your as$. i know i'm a good ALT, but she basically wants me to turn japanese, tone down my look and stuff, and it took all i had to not give her a big "fvck you!" and storm off. i really don't want to recontract anyways. i want to move to tokyo. but that would be really pricey and i haven't saved any money also, (and i've realized this after a few hours of fuming) i am REALLY scared of this big change. i'll have to move, get a new place, find a whole new job, and do all this in time before my visa expires... SCARY. i know i would be so much happier in tokyo though... but the money and visa stuff... well it sucks. i would pretty much have to save more than half my paycheck for the next 7 months. that means doing nothing, ever. gah. well anyways... i can stress about that when it's january i supposed.
now i did my 30DS and i took a bath in PUDDING SCENTED BATH SALT!!! and i feel really nice. hope something will come out of all my worrying... at least tomorrow is friday, and i got my friend's party and i'm focusing on that!
oh yeah, and stupid lady from the BoE made another comment that really pissed me off... i haven't seen her in a few months and i guess my weight loss was really noticeable, and instead of complimenting me or anything, she went "you lost so much weight! are you sick?!". and i know she was somehow "worried" about me, but it was just kinda insulting, you know?
ah, anyways... tomorrow will be better!!! night all.
Rainbow - Oh i know how the red hair color goes. My bro's ex gf did hair which was great because I got my hair done ALL of the time for super cheap. I all sorts of funky cuts with red highlights and they are a pain in the ***. I gave up on it after they broke up and she stopped doing my hair. Now I'm growing my hair out. It's the longest it's been in YEARS. I'm hoping that it'll be around shoulder length by spring/summer and I can start dreading it.
If you mom is anything like my mom she would have definitely told you if the romper looked bad. Take a pic, we promise to be honest.
Kawaii - I am in desperate need of a new pair of black slacks for work. Mine look HORRIBLE but for some reason I refuse to buy a new pair. I have serious saggy butt issues so I totally understand.
I hope your day gets better. My Monday was like that. I was sooooo over it. Just remember, a new day, a new attitude.
Lilly - boredom eating is the toughest to fight! Just get some crunchy veggies that can fit into your plan... or paint your nails... or find something to keep your hands busy. Good luck with the studying.
Mary - the soup is AMAZING. My mom makes it a little differently than I do but it's still super yummy. Unfortunately the sodium is through the roof (though totally worth it!). I'll find the recipe on here and post it for you guys. I think I could seriously eat it every day and not get tired of it. I eat it in the summer AND the winter.
Miz - I totally feel you on the positive thinking. I feel like I've been doing a lot more of that lately which in turn has brought some pretty cool things my way. Keep it up!
JLN - You are so motivated. Warm cookiese are the hardest to keep your paws off of! Congrats on being half way to your goal. You can def lose another 10 by Feb.
Krampus - Hang in there girl. I know things are tough, but I can say that I've been where you are. Sometimes the hardest part of losing weight for me is the mental game that comes with it. It will pass. Just remember you can't live in that headspace forever.
Lianna - oh lord, we could probably go into a discussion about this for days. People who have never seriously struggled with weight don't understand. One of the big things that my therapist I used to drill into my head is a) losing weight will not magically solve all of your problems (which I already knew and continue to recognize) and b) it brings up a whole new set of obstacles you have to deal with (within yourself and with those around you).
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I can't believe it's already Thursday. I feel like the week FLEW by. Hopefully today and tomorrow will continue to do the same. Mini road trip Saturday to the beach with some friend's to go see our friends play in a band down there. I mean, really, I need NO excuse to go to the beach any time of the year even if it is cold as ****.
Work today. Gym tonight. Trying to decide whether or not I'm going to dash out for a few hours tonight to see some of my other friends' band. I want to be supportive. They go on at 9 and will be done by 9:45, but it's still a "school night" and I won't be home this weekend. Plus I have to finish painting my dad's birthday present. Hrrrrrm. Guess we'll see how today goes.
Lianna - Hm. I think I'm one of those people who just liked to try on clothes at any weight. But I agree with everyone else, if you've never been overweight and/or lost weight, you don't really understand. This is partially why I refuse to get a personal trainer. Most of them have never been overweight, so they don't GET it. But anywhoo.
Feral - Yay soup!
Mary - Thanks. Now I want pizza. After I had a turkey melt for dinner last night.
Krampus - I like your outlook. Zen is awesome.
/yawn So I got up and worked out this morning. I just ran for 40 minutes, but I'm gradually running at faster speeds for longer. I play with the dial on the treadmill a lot, but I'm consistently running between 4.8 and 5.5 on the treadmill, instead of my previous 4.5 and 5.0. So yay. Except now I want to curl under my desk and take a very long nap. I hope this day goes as quickly as yesterday!
Krampus - Chocolate-covered anything <3333 Sounds amazing right now that it's TOM. Now the Nutella is calling to me from my pantry... But I'll eat an orange instead. Mandarins sound delicious right now, I like them much better than plain oranges. Maybe that's just because I'm sick of the big crate we get from Costco's though lol. I never feel constipated either, I just can't go for days at a time. I'm not like.. a go-on-command kind of person either, I have to wait until the opportunity presents itself. Sucks. Also, don't hate yourself for binging! Pick yourself up, dust off, and get back on plan! We're totally here for you
Lianna - There's some friends and family that I just CAN NOT talk to about weight loss or I get angry and either want to hit them or cry because they don't understand things like this. We're here for you, we understand
Rainbow - Cheap, flattering fashion is my BFF <3 I have a 3 year old sheltie-shepherd named Maggie who is my baby girl She was a Christmas present 3 years ago, we went as a family and picked her out. I have some pictures of her up here and here. It's like that with my boyfriend too, we live at each other's houses - he spends half of the week at mine and I spend half of the week at his. I totally get what you mean about it being weird to only be there for a little while lol. Your romper sounds so cute! My sister lived in them this summer and I was jealous because they were so cute on her (miss-skinny-long-legged-butt) and I didn't really wear them because I've got a ba-donka-donk.
Kawaii - They make a pudding-scented bath salt?! That sounds heavenly. Sorry about your contract stuff though :C
Feral - YUM! The only really salty soups my mommom makes are ham-centered ones. My poppop and uncle are diabetic so she tries to keep their sodium intake pretty low.
Stella - Now I want a turkey melt!! Mmmm turkey melty goodness. Congrats on your running speed getting faster, that's really awesome!!!
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Woo, that was a lot! So I think think think I may have hit 179. The scale still says 180, but I went spinning this morning and I still have to go to the bathroom, which hopefully happens at some point today. I'm pumped for today but I have a lot of work to do! Tomorrow is the deadline for a stationary design contest I've entered into and I still have like 6 designs to submit eek! Also, homework - two new classes just started. (To those that don't know, I'm a Uni of Phoenix online student - 9 week classes instead of semesters) THANKFULLY my 2 week break starts soon!
My mom likes to add more water/broth than I do, but to each their own. If anyone decides to try it let me know what you think. Also, I'm a big zucchini fan so I put in extra, plus extra veggies never hurt!
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I'm pretty sure I'm gonna go by Old Navy after the gym today and stink up their store... I mean, buy a pair of their Ugg knock offs. I don't know why I want a pair of boots that look like that all of a sudden but I totally do.
krampus I will try to. I feel cute in it. Sorry you're going through a tough time, and I think you're right - comfort eating with your boyfriend is better than binging on stuff alone and feeling upset. I hope you feel better! And go you for still getting the exercise in! I know if I was to do something like that I'd probably throw in the towel on exercise.
Kawaii Ugh, that situation sounds frustrating! And also scary...but moving to Tokyo and living there would be so awesome. I hope you figure out a way to make it work for you. Also pudding scented bath stuff sounds epic. I have a few of the Philosophy branded bath/shower gels that have scents like gingerbread, hot cocoa, cinnamon buns etc...they are SO delicious smelling, I feel bad using them too often because we can't get them over here!
Feral I'm so afraid to cut off my hair hah! The hairdresser I had before my current one gave me this weird (quite short) cut that was kind of longer on one side and longer at the front overall..sort of a bob but longer on one side. Hard to explain. That was also when I insisted on dying my hair black all the time, so it was just such a severe cut on me! EEp. I'm scared to go shorter again! I've been growing it out since then now, which is like.. 2 years I guess. I love the red so much but I'm considering other options at the moment.
My mum would have told me if it looked awful I think, but I still feel a little self conscious in it. It's the kind of thing I really WANT to wear but I'm still kind of scared and have this stupid notion that "bigger" girls can't wear that kind of thing - and I see other girls doing it on blogs and stuff, but I always think of myself differently to them - they're brave, I'm not. Road trip to the beach sounds fun! What are you painting for your dad?
platformnine Your dog is soooo cute! I want a dog so bad but my living situation won't allow it for a while yet. I'll probably opt for a smaller dog I think...not sure what yet though, I love too many breeds! As for the romper...I don't have the butt for it either...or the legs hah! I'm so short, I have big thighs and a fairly big bum...but I have a smallish waist and I think it kind of falls nicely over the rest so it's sort of flattering..it is just scary. But yes, I love cheap flattering clothes hah! I'm actually too cheap sometimes, I won't spend over a certain amount of money on certain items. Stationery design contest sounds cool! I hope your new low is correct for you
~Whoops. I slept in until after 11am this morning. I set my alarm for 9am and snoozed it for 2 HOURS. Ridiculous. Stupid. What a waste! It's ok...I guess... I don't really have anything I need to be doing today, aside from exercise at some point. I guess I should also go to the post office and the bank - oh yeah last night I got a cheque in the mail from the gallery where I have some of my hand-sewn creatures for sale! It was exciting because I'd almost forgotten I had them there! So now I have some unexpected money. Not a huge amount, but any money is good money!
I took a photo with my phone of me with the romper on but my phone is stupid and not fancy and it won't let me send it to my email or anything. I'm not sure how to get it from my phone to the internet...hah. My old phone let me send things as emails, but this phone is dumb. Bleh.
Kawaii – Totally I’m starting it see thing thats way now.
JL, Rainbow – Thanks!
Krampus – After stepping on a scale today and seeing my weight I think it really had been!
Feral – Yes it’s so weird how things lately have been falling into place for me I’m loving it.
I FINALLY DID IT, stepped on a scale and got an amazing surprize (I made a thread about it) but the fact of the matter is I thought I gained 10 pounds turns out it was the other way! I'm stoked! I have my company xmas party tonight I have just finished crimping my hair (god I love crimpers...) I still need to do my makeup and clean up abit.
I'm fully going to get my *** in gear tomorrow and begin working out again. My motivation hit and I'm totally pumped now! I got my DVD's my weight I have NO EXCUSES now! Anyways hope it well with everyone else
YAY FOR SCALE SURPRISES! I had one myself - hopped on the scale and saw 56.9, or ~125.4 lbs. This is after eating probably 2500 calories yesterday and still not having pooped (waiting for laxative to kick in, this is how I entertain myself when I have no classes).
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I feel rather embarrassed about all my moaning. I'm really happy that it's Friday, going to see my boyfriend after work and I brought fruit to eat with lunch. Did 20 minutes of Tae Bo (ran out of time), squats and side planks this morning - feel pleasantly sore.
MiZTaCCeN THAT'S GREAT! Have fun at the Xmas party. I am totally jealous of people whose jobs have Xmas parties - I always think of "Love Actually" and the whole Mia/Alan Rickman affair.
rainbowstripe Your package should arrive before Valentines Day I swear. Still missing a couple things...
platformnine Good luck pooping. Into a new numbers decade you go! It's really awesome how artistic you are.
stellarosa Nice work on picking up speed on the treadmill. May your day move swiftly and surely.
Feral Already today I'm out of "that" headspace and into the world, dripping snot but in good spirits. Thanks for your empathy, I know it's probably something everyone deals with from time to time. Enjoy the Old Navy shopping spree!
krampus Yay for your new weight! Super exciting! I actually just realised I left the one other thing for your package at my damn boyfriend's house and I'm not going there til later this afternoon... so looks like I'll have to wait til next week to get it sent - sorry sorry sorry. I have everything for it, I'm just disorganised with my two places of living and such.
Just got in my exercise for the day, can't believe it's 2pm already and I've done nothing. Better get showered and stuff if I want to make it to the bank before they shut!
hey, feral, thanks. today is a bit better. tonight will DEFINITELY be better haha, yeah, i kinda like this pants so i keep wearing them. today i am wearing some brown pants that i've worn like twice in my life. lol. it's funny cuz i was just thinking this morning that the last time i wore them (maybe last year) they were SO tight. and now they're a bit loose, haha. and lol at the sudden craving for ugg boots. better than a sudden craving for junk
plat, thanks. i'll figure something out... and yes! pudding-scented bath salt! it smelled soooooo good!! and made the water kinda creamy and it made my skin all soft! i could send you some if you like. it's only like 2$ a pouch
rainbow, yeah, it's scary! i was talking to my friend last night and she was like "Vanessa, this is what you wanted so i think this is just the universe giving you a little kick in the butt!" lol. i mean it's true. i don't wanna stay here for one more year. i've become bored, and jaded, but it is comfortable and the money is good. moving would be sooo scary and there would be no safety net at all. *sigh* anyways. i'm psyching myself up to do this!! on your end, yay for days off and unexpected money!
hey MiZ, congrats! have fun at your party!
krampus, lol at your way to "entertain yourself" on boring days i had a surprise class this morning, which brings today's count to 2, which makes it much less boring than yesterday. you be good this weekend, now, you hear?! think of how happy you'll be when next week's loss is a real, actual loss and not just deflation from the weekend!!
so me! well, still kind of upset about yesterday, but like our buddy MiZ here, i'm trying to adopt a more positive POV about the whole thing and be like "this is what i'm meant to do. i can do it!". so fingers crossed. other than that, i also had an awesome scale surprise this morning: i have reached my 10kg goal!!! this makes me soooo happy, and i really needed that. Samantha Thavasa, here i come!!!
also i got my party tonight and i can't wait. my friend who is throwing it is having similar issues with her school, and we are just gonna ***** all night, haha. should be awesome i just wish this day would fly by!! i want it to be tonight already!!
congrats on not touching the cookies! your day sounds fun 
i know i'm a good ALT, but she basically wants me to turn japanese, tone down my look and stuff, and it took all i had to not give her a big "fvck you!" and storm off. i really don't want to recontract anyways. i want to move to tokyo. but that would be really pricey and i haven't saved any money 
also, (and i've realized this after a few hours of fuming) i am REALLY scared of this big change. i'll have to move, get a new place, find a whole new job, and do all this in time before my visa expires... SCARY. i know i would be so much happier in tokyo though... but the money and visa stuff... well it sucks. i would pretty much have to save more than half my paycheck for the next 7 months. that means doing nothing, ever. gah. well anyways... i can stress about that when it's january i supposed.
