Haha, heavyandhomebound, I'm the same as you!

I love being "the skinny friend." I used to dread talking about weight period, now I bring it up all the time just so I can say "well, this morning I was 134lbs" lol.

And I also am a calorie hoarder. I would rather be hungry in the morning and have a big lunch, big dinner, and evening snacks than evenly space out minimeals through the day. I'm not even that hungry in the morning so it's worth it for me.

Sunflowergirl, I had a similar experience in college with roommates. One was really overweight and the other was smaller, but still unhealthy. They'd make it a social thing to eat crap all the time and drink a lot and would get mad at me if I didn't want to participate. Among other things, they had this thing called "Sundae Monday" and buy a bunch of sundae suff to eat (usually for dinner). Of course, with the left-overs this carried on into sundae Tuesday, sundae Wednesday, etc. They had this idea that we "deserved" to treat ourselves (with food) on a regular basis and would ostracize those who didn't participate. They were frustrating, to say the least.

mkendrick, I still dread talking about weight! You know what I hate the most? People giving me compliments on my weight-loss. I get SO uncomfortable. I think it comes from years and years of feeling so negative about my body.

I can relate to so many of you guys. Thank you for sharing... I feel a lot less alone.

1. I'm still obsessing about a lox bagel sandwich. It was about the only thing I had all day besides salad and coffee, and I walked for miles today.

2. I used to be anorexic, not that you can tell from my current weight. Nobody comments about my current weight, because they're all relieved I'm not underweight, but I miss the comments.

3. I fell back into the anorexia back in 2006, which is why I left 3FC shortly after I joined back then. I didn't feel I deserved to be at a supportive, nice place if I was starving myself half to death.

4. I'm trying to do things more healthily this time (rather than the previous cycle of 'hit low weight, land in the hospital, be forced to regain, then go home and gain too much weight on top of that.') I notice that I'm losing with the same speed as previously, though. I don't know if I can get to a normal weight and just be OK with it. And I hate that part of me doesn't care if that's unhealthy. I'm already feeling obsessed and I don't know what to do about it. I should know by now, but I feel just as lost as ever.

Wow, I just read through this and can really relate to what a lot of you are saying - I went through about 10 years of a really, really hard time with food and weight and being pretty unhealthy about it.

So, my confessions are as follows....
-I can't count calories. I keep an eye on calories and guestimate sometimes, but I know I'll get obsessive and am terrified I'll play the 'how low can I go' game again. Because of this same obessive nature, I only let myself weigh in a few times per week.
-I'm an emotional eater and nightime overeater. I eat my emotions - when I'm stressed, lonely, etc. I've gotten a lot better lately.


For those of you who mentioned you restrict all day and then overeat at night, it made me think of a good article in Oxygen or Women's Health I read recently. It talks about eating MORE during the day and less at night, so that you are full and don't overeat and lose more weight....something along those lines!

fivestone - to be perfectly honest, it sounds like you need to stop focusing on weight loss for awhile. Believe me, I've been there, and it takes time till you can start to diet and focus on losing weight without falling back into your old patterns. You first have to fix whatever it is that's making you be unhealthy/obsessive about food/weight.

I'd recommend finding a good therapist and nutrionist. Good luck!

Thanks, I appreciate you even taking the time to say something. Actually, my husband has said a few times that he thinks I should head back to therapy. I guess I'm kind of resistant because I had plenty of therapy in past years, and I feel uncomfortable heading back to the world of therapy and doctors and all. Honestly I don't know if I'll ever be able to diet sensibly -- I guess that's my fear. I did try to focus on just living my life and not worrying about the weight, but I've gained too much weight over time to just let things ride. So now I feel stuck. Deep down I know that you're right, but at the same time I don't feel like I can stand myself at this weight.

I guess another complication is the fact that I live in a different country than when I was in therapy before. I'd have to find a therapist that speaks English and that understands the eating issues. I speak German fine, but when it comes to deeper emotional stuff, especially that which is related to eating, right now I can really only get to that effectively in English. But maybe I should start trying to look for that therapist (and I need to ask my husband if dietitians are even available, or else try and establish phone sessions with my old dietitian from America.)

I have a bunch of confessions, I guess.

Sometimes I lie in bed and just imagine that my fat shrinks away. I also feel my belly roll in the morning and gauge whether i think i am heavier or lighter than the day before (I don't have a scale here).

I also hate when i'm good about healthy eating in my dreams. Like, in my dream we'll go to mcdonalds and i won't get anything and i wake up and am pissed i didn't dream-eat the big mac, because at least in my dreams id have gotten to indulge.

i sometimes stick out my stomach in front of the mirror and pretend that its not fat, that it's a baby. That makes me so scared for if/when i do have kids, that i'm going to be gigantic.

lastly, when im sad or lonely, i eat to feel full. its about the food but its also about feeling really really full. That's got to be the worst, and the worst part about eating healthfully again -- not getting to feel like that.

Confession:
-I tend to shy from eating when I have no clue of the calorie content. I've gone days on 200 calories....speaking of which....
-I have had 200-1000 calorie days
-I literally want to stop traffic with my new body and break hearts in the process. Forgive me.

I confess:
I have made myself throw up after a binge 3 times in the past 6 months.
I have caught myself thinking, "Wow I have lost more weight than _____ (insert name of friend, etc.)"
I have skipped eating on days where I feel like I might binge.
I confess that I have become used to the feeling of not eating and now I feel uncomfortable at times when I do eat.
I have hated myself more days than not.


Woo, confessing helps!

well, i have one.

on new year's day 2010, me and my friends partied all night and got super drunk. I ended up hooking up with one of them, which i liked very much. But when we were at his house, all his friends were laughing be joking about him going to bed with the heavy girl. It broke my heart and it was a very big reality check that i wasn't the cute girl anymore. I was the land manatee that nobody wanted to be seen with. Needless to say, i started my weight loss soon after.

I can't wait to lose enough weight and see all of them again and they will have to eat their words. And hopefully they'll want to try something with me and all they will get is a big fat rejection.

Love this!!


Confession:

- I used to hate eating in front of people. I work in an office and I wouldn't eat all day (unless no one was around.) Now, I love eating all my healthy foods in front of anyone and discussing health & nutrition!

- I love bowel movements. (yes, weird, i know). But I'm not very regular (yet) and experience constipation more than the average joe. So, yes, I love pooping! (and the effect it has on the scale)

WOW! Reading these were awesome. So many of there were so me!

Here is a couple that jump to my head right now.

I have been working on this for 4 years and I am still not at goal. I find this incredibly discouraging and depressing.

I want to be a tiny skinny girl. Deep down I don't think it will ever happen. And I will never have the body I wish I would. Maybe this is what prevents me from getting to my goal.

I judge people on what they eat. I never used to. But when I see someone very over weight eating 6 hot dogs, a burger and a large fry... I think "and that is why you are fat" and hate myself for it.

I also like watching what people are buying the grocery store. I watch the teller ring up their items and think huh, no wonder they are skinny or fat or, etc (comes back to the judging). Sometimes this works out well, if I see someone who looks really healthy and fit and they have bags full of fruits and veggies - it can be encouraging.

I catch myself doing this one, there's this girl at work who likes to talk about how she's trying to lose weight. She's kind of a loud person and I can always hear her conversations and now she's talking about this, I saw her shovelling a massive sub into her face at lunch and telling someone she has to eat all her carbs now because she can't have them after 1pm.

She's completely missing the point! And that's why she won't get thinner. I also hear her often talking about how she's too tired to work out and how sore she is from 1 work out over a week ago.

It frustrates me. o.0

I do have a positive confession, I love being naked! I feel so great with the weight I've lost and am excited about the rest I will lose!

Haha that is so me..I love bowel movements as well..for the exact same reasons.....When I go a few days of none at all I am bloated..have weight on and extremely irritable. Yay for poop!

Another confession..I hate my legs (knees up) so much that I get really depressed when trying on dresses, shorter shorts, etc. I then get angry at myself and say to myself, "You've lost up to 90 lbs (ten back on) why can't you just be happy with yourself???"

Reading some of these really made me sad..it just sucks that a lot of you that have made such good progress are still not satisfied, I really don't want to feel like that!

After being on 3FC for the past few months, I'm scared about losing weight. I want to lose cause I want to be healthy and of course, look better! But if I'm going to be left with saggy skin and boobs.. Not looking forward to that at all!!!

I also have to weigh myself in the morning, after going to the bathroom and before eating even a single crumb!