I was the same way, Heather. When I started again for the last time, I truly didn't believe that I could do it. I had failed so many times that, in my heart, I was convinced I'd fail again. But the years of failure were just killing my spirit, so I knew I had to try again. We're really only failed when we stop trying and I never, ever stop trying.
Once I figured out what to do and the weight started coming off, nothing in the world could have stopped me. I wanted it so badly that you could have offered me a million dollars to eat a cookie and I would have turned you down without a second's hesitation.
I guess that was the point at which I believed that I could do it. And I wasn't going to let anyone or anything take my dream away from me. But like you, it took a while to get there.