GRRRRR!!! I HATE MY <edited> MOM RIGHT NOW!!!!!! Ever since she lost her job three years ago she's been causing my brother and me so much ****!! She's got my brother wraped up in her court case and all she talks about non stop every single day is about all her court hearings and dumping all her stress on us. With all her tension she's holding back my brother and me...in life.
Every single day becuase of her **** there's an argument...because she can't do anything else but cause them over and over again. I have to suffer the stress to becuase I live here. I'm ashamed of her...and the thing she's quite aware of what she's doing...I'm sure of it! She even says so her self!!!
My moms a big giant weight!
Today I just snapped becuase my brother got back his MCAT results and he failed! This is so unusual becuase it never happens. He's always so put together and always had the highest marks (high 90's through out high school)and when he went to U of T he was one othe top students there...(He was studying chemical engineering). The stress my moms bringing and causing us is more worse then anything we've ever experienced than what she's caused before. Because of her Bull sh*t my brother failed his MCAT's!!!
I'm sorry I have to let this out otherwise I'm going to explode and plus I have to go to school in abit and have a quiz in English. (just need to blow off a lot of steam) STUPID MOTHER!!!!!!!!! What kind of mom gets her children wrapped up in their problem?
A lot of mothers, I'm afraid - mine, sometimes, to be honest.
There is just one thing - we are all responsible for our own choices once we reach adulthood - your brother is responsible for his own grades. It is easy to 'blame' your mom, but ultimately, he is a grown man who has excelled in University, and no doubt can - if he is honest with himself - point out exactly what went wrong with his MCats.
Not to belittle your post - I'm sorry you are having an awful time; this IS a good board to vent, and remember to make good food choices - the stress you are experiencing right now could lead to health problems without good choices!! Eat well, feel strong, and be happy
Maybe your Mum is looking for a little support. She talks about it all the time because it's on her mind. I understand that she's dragging you all down but this is the person who carried you for nine months, fed you and stayed up with you when you were a baby... sleepless nights and potty training I think she deserves REGARDLESS of what she does a little respect. There is nothing more humiliating to a mother (at least mother's i know) is their children shouting at them or giving them abuse. Me and my Mum used to not get a long at all.... and for all the ****e things she's done in her life, and for all the arguments I can't say I'm perfect and I don't think you can either. I'm sorry to sound horrible I just think you need to hear it because at the end of the day the person who will be there for you is your Mum... she just needs some love, support and attention. I also agree with Heatherangel your brother is a grown man - who needs to take responsibility for his actions. My Dad and I are always at each others throats but if I fall down the stairs because I was careless I'm not going to say "you stressed me out so much Dad that I fell down the stairs." I'm sorry to sound harsh.
You were very angry when you posted this. I hope that you have calmed down some by now--and I also hope you didn't take out any of your feelings on your mom.
The day will come when you will realize that your mother has been up against a great deal in her life. Maybe she could do better, and maybe not. Whatever the case, she is just a human being and we do mess up sometimes.
I have to agree with some of the others that your brother's MCAT score is his problem. That's not to say that having things in an uproar at home didn't contribute to the situation, because obviously it did. However, your mother lost her job, and her life has not been good since that point, from what you say.
You don't mention your dad--so I'm assuming he is elsewhere. Is he helping to support you kids and your mom? I hope so. If not, then one could really feel some compassion for her position.
I'm sorry that times are so tough for you. You and your brother shouldn't have to take care of your mom, but certainly you are old enough to help out in some ways. Good luck to all of you!
Another possibility is that her mother is a psycho #($*% and she really is causing this kind of grief in her children's lives.
I know more than most how hard it is to function under a parent who truly despises her children and is actively abusive.
I don't know how old you are, Iwant2bethin, but neither you nor your brother need to live in a toxic environment (any more than the women who post on here about their verbally abusive husbands deserve to live in their environments either).
Consider your options. Leaving (if you can) might be the healthiest thing for you and your brother.
Carrying a kid for nine months does not give a person free license to put their kids through this kind of a situation.
Good luck. There is life after surviving an abusive parent.
I can't promise that things will be better tommorrow.You are probably right. She sounds like someone that thrives on drama.She is still angry about her job- think of all the time she has wasted being angry.
You cannot change her. You are frustrated with her behavoir.
The question is what are you going to do about it.
Allowing yourself to continue to be angry wastes your energy and your time. It makes you stressed and hurt inside.
Try to think as the anger as a form of control she has. If you are upset and angry she has your full attention . If you start quietly backing away and not joining the arguement she has no one to argue with.
You cannot change her- you can only change the way that you deal with it.
In any situation like this, Mom could be psycho and the kids could be saints. Or Mom could be the saint and the kids self-absorbed and ungrateful.
More likely, the real truth lies somewhere in between on both sides. Counseling would be great if everyone could agree to it.
I thought my folks were pretty disfunctional when I was a kid. I thought my mom was a bully and my dad was a weak, but innocent victim. As an adult, I see that both are just flawed human beings, just like me. Mom gets angry when she's stressed (which I find myself doing too) and Dad is passive-aggressive. He knows how to push Mom's buttons while looking (at least to children or casual observers) completely innocent.
As an adult, my parents have told me more of their personal histories, and I learned that my mother's dad (who I only knew as gentle grandpa) had been a mean drunk when my mom was growing up, and that her mom's mother had severely abused my grandmother when she was a child. My father's grandmother was mentally ill and his mother had raised her siblings. Dad's mom wasn't playing with a full deck either.
When I look at their histories, I am pretty proud of them My grandparents did better than their parents, and my parents did better than their parents, and if I were have been able to have kids hopefully I would have done better than my parents (my sister certainly is doing great with her kids).
Not being able to know what's really going on, none of us can give really good advice. Except that counseling would help for anyone in the situation willing to go. It sounds like depression may be affecting every member of the family. You can't take care of anyone else, when you can't take care of yourself.
I'm on the other side of the fence right now
--my son has a beautiful girlfriend that my hubby, his sister and I absolutely adore and he is making some really STUPID decisions that I can do nothing about except to wait for the fallout!! If he loses her, I believe it will be the biggest mistake of his life!!
--My daughter is pregnant by a guy she barely knows and I am not even sure that I like--they argue way too much--both are more than a little spoiled--she's the baby of the family at 19 and he is a 24 year old only child.
I'm happy that so many people here grew up in situations where their parents, despite how flawed, still did their best for their children. However, please do not assume that just because a woman bears a child and raises it that the child owes the mother anything. I wish in all cases that children could grow up and realize that their parents were flawed and laugh it off and ignore it- but that is so often impossible.
I surprised myself by surviving through my years at home. My parents refused to take for professional help when I expressed self destructive and suicidal thoughts. When one of my friend's mom took me to a free mental health clinic and my parents found out, I was put under nothing short of house arrest for 2 years during high school. My parents both have been unemployed more than they have been employed in the past 4 years (my father has actually been unemployed for all 4 of those years) and took that out on my brother and I, much like the OP. I realize that this is stressful, but you do not take this out on your children. My parents expected me- their then 15 year old daughter- to go out and work and support the family, but refused to give me access to a car to do so (and I live in an area where you cannot walk anywhere). When I did not get into Harvard, I endured the most horrific emotional abuse. Now I'm home for a month due to the contingencies set up by my college trust fund, and if my school wasn't $50,000 a year and my little brother wasn't stuck here, I would not come back.
So please do not assume that the OP is just being selfish. I hate to sound melodramatic, but these types of things leave deep scars. 18 is far from an adult- in a legal sense perhaps, but in reality? Come on. 18 is still in high school.
To the OP- Don't worry about your brother. Your mother aside, LOTS of very intelligent people do very poorly on the MCAT the first time. He'll have more chances, just help him study and focus. And you focus on school too... try to block out how your mother is acting. Are you in high school or are you in college yet? Whatever you do, try to get out of your house for college. I had to move 1000 miles away to do it, and that might not be an option for you, but even just living in a dorm is helpful. Your mom needs to learn how to deal with her own problems and you probably can't help her, so help yourself by getting out.
Actually I really believe that the children of parents who made a conscious effort to bring them up properly, who truly did their best, and tries their hardest owe them everything, but then maybe its because I come from a traditional family? You know, a family where family comes first no matter what. If somebody is suffering or having a hard time we all suffer with them. When my Dad used to bully us kids, I would still be firm back to him, still argue back... but I still had respect for him. All I have stated in my last post is you should give her a little respect. I'm 19 years old and am now living away from my parents, I'm at college and extremely happily married.
My dad and I especially, would argue till it became physical... but at the end of the day, for all the abuse I got, I know he loves me and is sorry for all the crap that went on before and would also bend over backwards to help me out if I have a problem, sometimes I forget to call my parents and its not my mum who calls but him because he misses his eldest daughter.
I remember when I just couldnt wait to get away from my family... and now I am away from them... I miss them. You see I married into an extremely functional family. SOMETIMES I just want to scream because its just so damn functional... I like the mishaps and mayhem.
If your Mother is physically abusing you and I mean beating you black and blue or sexually abusing you - and then fine, you owe her nothing. But if its just a bit of yelling and craving for the attention that she needs I think you could at least give her that... after all, when you were 2/3 years old you were yelling and craving her attention. Anyways... thats just my 2 cents (again).
Yes, it's possible that the mom is a true villain, but if that is the case, then Iwant2bethin and her brother, being over 18 can and should get out of the house. As an adult, you can't have it both ways. If Mom is so terrible, then it's time to move out and limit or discontinue contact with her. If they don't want to move out, then it's disrespectful and inappropriate to lay all the blame at her feet. When you live in someone else's house (even if you're paying rent) you have to deal with the person they are, not the person you want them to be.
I Am So Damn Angry At Her Right Now!!!!!!
