I mentioned my new coworker in another thread, because she depressed me by telling me I look exactly like a friend of hers who is quite overweight. Well, she depressed me again today! She doesn't mean anything by it, but ugh!
We were instant-messaging each other while waiting for parents and students to come to our classrooms, and I mentioned that my feet hurt partly because I have been walking so much lately. I said I'm out of shape and she said, "No, you're in shape like me. Round is a shape!"
I've always hated that sort of "fat solidarity," to be honest with you. I would never insult someone just because I'm fat too. They don't want to hear it from me anymore than they want to hear it from a thin person.
Of course, later on one of my students said something about her and said to me, "She's twice the woman you are, and more," referring to her weight. Obviously I scolded him, but I couldn't help feeling a little vindicated. Terrible, huh?
Lisa Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. -- St. Francis of Assisi
How rude!!! I would NEVER say that to someone. I guess my momma raised me to have manners. Just consider the source and take pleasure in the fact that you ARE doing something about it while she is always "going to be round" with that kind of attitude! Don't let her negative comments rent space in your head.
I agree 100% with Linda. This woman sounds pretty rude and fearful of change herself. I've dismissed lots of negative , toxic people from my life and it's really empowering. Changing your lifestyle is challenging enough, you don't need that negative vibe.
There is always one in a bunch you know? I'd shrug it off and continue on the path. One day, she won't have much to say but "wow you look great". Maybe you'll inspire her and she'll be forced to eat her words.
I have one here in my office (I'm the manager and she's my staff member so it's hard to say anything back--even harder to bite my tounge). She's about 100 lighter than I and when I started this journey again, I was so excited. I'm one of these people who have to talk about it in order to keep myself pumped up and I was telling her about my plan and that I'd lost about 9 lbs already. The next day she came to work, said she skipped dinner and was 6 lbs down the next day! I let her believe herself, but we all know it doesn't work like that. I just say good for you! THat's great, and move on. Some people just don't have respectful ways about them. Don't let it stop you though!
__________________ Gretchen On this rollercoaster ride for the last time!
I can't help but play devil's advocate a bit, because I speak very openly about my weight, and don't mind others' "fat solidarity" comments as long as they're not nasty. I think it's kind of weird in our society that when I meet another woman approximately my size, I'm supposed to pretend not to notice that she is also fat (and under absolutely no circumstances, even when I'm referring to myself actually use the three letter "F" word).
It annoys me, that while it is acceptable for a relatively thin person to complain about how "fat" they are, if I even use the word, it makes people extremely uncomfortable. A friend noticed that I had lost weight, and we started talking about clothes, and I mentioned that I had to order some new jeans online, and she suggested that instead we "go shopping" together for me. Not being fat herself, she didn't realize there was no local shops that carried my size, at least not in pants. I explained it to her, and used the "f" word, and before thinking she said "you're not fat!" (OK, in what universe?)
I was finally able to get her to laugh about it with me, because I explained that I was not using the word as a way to beat myself up, but just to describe myself truthfully. When someone calls me fat, intending it as an insult, I usually laugh and say something like "Wow, and you figured that out all by yourself!"
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Have you considered that maybe she doesn't realize she's insulting you? Could it be that she doesn't attach a negative value judgment to being overweight, and is just matter-of-factly stating the situation as she sees it?
Hmmm... tricky, but my first feeling on this was that she was actually trying to be buddy-like by saying that to you. I work in an office that is mostly women and I hear many overweight/fat/zaftig members commiserate about diets, having to "portion control" favorite foods, talk about going to Curves, etc... I was a real participant in this in the past when I went from 208 to 156 But then I regained and have been struggling to get my mind back in the right spot. So mostly I just keep my head down and ignore the diet chats for the moment.
Funny comment directed at me recently: right next to my cubicle is another woman, maybe 20 pounds heavier than me, or so. She is always warm in our wacky office that is either freezing cold or sweaty hot 99% of the time (horrible engineering design of the a/c system). One day, I had a scarf on, and was rubbing my hands together... she was wearing a teeshirt as usual and had a personal fan running on her desk. (Yet both our thyroids are fine heh!)
I turn to her and say "God, I wish I had a metabolism like yours!" (relating to the obvious fact that her internal thermometer is set waaaay higher than mine...)
She laughed and said, "What, you want to be even fatter than you are now?" Then looked absolutely mortified and started profusely apologizing.
I was pretty surprised to hear the words "even fatter" directed at me at work (!) but at 220+, I realize I'm not hiding it in my ankles... so I found it very amusing after a milli-second of "Wha...?" We remain good buds and we laughed about that for a few days.
Anyway... she may have meant it to be a "bonding" type of thing
Approach: Low-carb and Weight Watchers
What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? ~Mary Oliver
I tend to agree with Sarah... it sounds as if she was trying to be friendly and share a bonding. After all you DID bring up the comment by saying you were out of shape, etc. It does sound to me as if she was just meaning to jokingly respond in kind.
First major goal met 12/7/12. Next major goal ONEderland!
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