I just can't do it anymore. I can't have one more conversation about how I know exactly what to do about my weight, yet I just don't do it. Not one more word about how my weight is starting to affect my health, yet I continue to eat. Not another thought about when I am going to start again "for good".
Bottom line is that I feel horrible. My legs hurt, my feet hurt. Movement is exhausting. I look terrible, clothes don't fit. I am snug in my car. I worry about losing my job and somehow having to find another one. What if I had to go into Chicago and ride the train daily? That was hard to do at 215...it would be impossible now. I have lost the real me - the weight has taken over. If there is a rock bottom, I have hit it. I look in the mirror and think "who is that?"
Monday at WW I gained 3 lbs. Guess I didn't have as good of a week as I thought I did. Yeah, I guess not!!! I have been going to WW for 12 weeks and have lost a total of 4 lbs. In 12 weeks. What a waste. WASTE - that's what I am doing with my life. I am wasting it.
Mark today down - April 13, 2005. I weigh 322.2. It's over, I'm done. I will not live another day like this. I have an extra 177 lbs that I carry around with me every day. It's no wonder I am exhausted and my legs hurt!!!! That is like carrying around 3 1/2 Jacobs and never ever getting to set them down.
Today I started my new life and every day from today on, my main goal will be to improve my health. I WILL lose this weight. I WILL become someone who is active on a daily basis. I WILL find the Sandi that once was. She's awesome; I can't wait for you to meet her. Nothing and No one will stand in my way. My health is #1. Nothing else will come before it.