Have any of you ever had family or friends who have told you "oh you're getting too thin" or "that can't be your goal weight, that's too small for you" no matter what size you are?? I find that discouraging for some reason which seemed at the time to halt my efforts. I'm barely 5'1', whose to say that my goal weight is too small?? I know some of them may mean well, but others....makes you wonder. I guess they see you at a certain weight for so long, they may not be used to the idea of you being thin....I don't know.
My family is wonderful, but some of the friends I used to work with...they were the watchful ones who made comments.
Maybe if I got rid of the chip off my shoulder when it comes to the issue of getting healthy...it wouldn't bother me so much. Never knew if it was a compliment or not. I think that may be another reason why I don't talk about it.
Babbling on here....sorry.
My boyfriend knows (we live together) so he kind of has to know! Especially since there's no more junk in the house, and when he gets fast food - I order a salad!
My family, some co-workers, and some friends. I tend to not mention it to my long-term friends who haven't really seen me since I put on this weight. I get embarrased seeing them for the first time in a long time, as I feel like I look like a different person. I know they're my friends and don't care what I look like, but I do and that's something I have to get over. I always make goals to lose weight by the next time I go home, but the key this time is that I'm going to make it happen. I plan on going to Newfoundland in November if I can afford it, and I want to have at least 40 lbs. gone, that's one of my biggest motivators right now.
I just can't wait until the day that I feel great about myself and want to go out and show the world how great I look... someday it will come... some day soon..
Pssst....shall I tell you a secret???? I didn't tell anyone......I think I've always been embarassed/in denial about my size, and the way I used to eat, so I just didn't talk about it. After I'd made a lot of lifestyle changes, I was diagnosed with impaired glucose tolerance (pre-diabetes).....I did have a lot of conversations with one of my closest friends then, about what to eat, how often etc, but that was never in the context of losing weight - it was about managing blood sugar levels. Then my mum got very ill, and we spent a lot of time together when she was in hospital, and she noticed (finally!!) I was losing weight......so we talked about it quite a lot, which was great. She is very supportive, but in a totally non-interfering way.....the irony being that she has lost around 20lbs from her illness, needs to put on weight, and is finding it really hard to eat the necessary cheese, chocolate and ice-cream (LOL). I also started talking to an old friend of mine, who I saw recently after a couple of years, and she noticed I'd lost weight, and was really complimentary and encouraging....she has her own issues with food (she's very fit, climbs mountains, looks thin to me, and insists she needs to lose weight, and struggles to eat sufficient carbs/protein). What I haven't told a single person is that after plugging a way on my own for a while, I joined a commercial slimming programme (called Slimming World) in January - I never thought in a million years I would do such a thing - but I felt like I needed some support. I've adapted the programme a lot (its very flexible), and I have met some great, really encouraging people there.....and I still haven't told anyone I go. I guess because I'm embarassed about it. Lots of people notice that I eat healthily, and exercise a lot, and that's great - I just talk about living a healthy life, but I rarely talk about wanting to lose weight.....
I have some people that tell me that I won't look healthy if I keep loosing weight.... WHAT???!!?! I am 5'4" and weigh 165 lbs! Thats not thin (for me) by any means! I have this one girlfriend that insists I will look anorexic if I loose more weight.. Obviously she has a vision disorder! The thing is, I have ALWAYS been one of the largest girls in the group through high school, college, weddings etc. and this particular girl and I have been friends FOREVER.. she, always much smaller than I. Well.. I am only about 15 lbs heavier than her, she KNOWS I'm not done losing weight. I don't think she likes the fact that I am catching up to her.
Other people are really encouraging, like my husband, mom and mother-in-law and they'll say things like wow, you only have about 20 lbs to go and you'll be at your goal etc. It swings both ways. You can't please everyone so you have to expect that negativity.. Some people just have it in their blood! What they fail to realize it that when they make comments like they do about "stopping now" It just makes me work even harder! ha!
Gretchen--That's interesting insight into your friend's reaction to you losing weight. A few years ago when I lost a lot of weight, it most definitely changed the dynamic of some of my friendships. You're no longer "the heavy one" and they're no longer "the small one". My very best friendships were unaffected--those gals have been with me since I was 12 (34 years) and we go way beyond external stuff. They were happy for me when I lost weight and never said a word when I became heavy. P.S. I like your "On a mission"!! Well put!!
Barb
Gretchen and Barb, you are absolutely dead-on about the whole changing dynamic thing. Years ago, I reached a goal weight of 132 at 5'6". In my family, my sister was the pretty one and I was the smart one. She had always been way smaller than me. When I went home to visit after losing the weight, I wore a size 6. I tried on one of her skirts and it was too big for me, and she was so pissed off! I also got a ton of attention from family on that trip, and she wasn't used to it and didn't like it.
My husband also told me that one of his "friends" at work told him that he'd better watch out, because now that I was skinny I'd probably leave him! I just told him that (a) he was stuck with me whether he liked it or not and (b) if I felt it necessary to leave him, I would do it at any weight.
So, yeah, there are going to be people out there who make comments like that. I say take what you need and leave the rest.
My MIL makes comments about my weight every time I see her, without fail. She's one of those who has to have drama in her life and nothing can ever be "just right". She tells everyone who'll listen that I am too skinny and all I ever eat is salad. I’m pretty sure there’s no actual concern for my well being, she just has a problem with the fact that I’m smaller than her now. It’s sad, but that’s just the type of person she is. My dad had a similar, disheartening reaction last Thanksgiving. I hadn’t seen him in several months and I know he was just reacting to the shock of seeing me in a way he’s never seen me before (I’ve always been a big girl). But, right there in front of everyone, he just blurted out, “Oh my God, you’re anorexic!” (I was 5’8” and 150 lbs.) I was mortified and frankly, pissed off! It bothered me enough that I felt compelled to discuss it with him later, which I normally wouldn’t do because I usually try to avoid conflict of any kind, but this was too much. I explained to him that I was finally at a healthy weight for my height for the first time in my life and I worked damn hard to get there. I told him that his comment sent the message to the rest of our mostly obese family that the only way I could have accomplished this was because I must have some kind of eating disorder. And now, no matter what I say to the contrary, that thought will always remain in their minds. I told him his outburst was very irresponsible and it really hurt my feelings. He did apologize but spent most of the conversation trying to justify what he said, like there is really any justification for that! Oh well, I spoke my mind, which I’m proud of, and I let it go. Hopefully he’ll think twice before he opens his mouth next time.
Beverly, I think you look wonderful and definitely not anoreixc! I think shock value isn't always the most positive thing for people. Sometimes I think they just simply don't know WHAT to say! I am proud for having the courage to confront him about it! You're AWESOME!
I only told my husband, but by now everyone knows. My family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors have congratulated me. Even patients that come to the medical office where I work have stopped me to comment on how much weight I've lost.
I was afraid to share with too many people in the beginning. Most of my family and friends have watched me struggle with food for so long. I didn't want to fail and be a disappointment to them.
I have told my parents and thats it. They have wanted me to do this for so long that I thought it was only fair. My mom is trying to lose weight too so she is a great support person. I needed someone I could share the day to day stuff with. It also makes me more accountable. My dad helped me pay for the down payment for my gym membership which was wonderful. No matter how many times I try, they get behind me every time.
I havent told my coworkers or my husband or my best friend though. I just cant take the comments. My husband will sabatoge me. I dont think he does it intentionally but every time I try to lose weight it seems like he wants to eat out all the time. It may be just in my head but I dont want to take the chance. My friend is very thin and I am afraid she would turn into the "food police" with me. She has already tried that before. I dont think my coworkers need to know. I figure all of them will be surprised when I am thin. I think that will be the best reward of all.
Everyone knows. It's no big deal. There are fat & thin on both sides of my family, so it's not a big deal.
My friends know, most of them, b/c I insist on bringing fruit salad to their houses for parties. And most of them have seen me refuse a dessert or two. Some of them like to play devil's advocate, "You've been so good, c'mon, just have something." But you have to expect that everywhere you go.
Everyone that I know knows. I was so excited at first when the weight was falling off NOT to blab about it. My sister in law is on WW too, and she started before I did, and Ive almost caught up with her loss...she doesnt seem to mind though, shes very supportive. I guess we compete a little, b/c every monday after we weigh, we compare...but its never mean spirited. Im like a few of you, in that people have told me that my goal is too low, but at 5'10", 170 is not too low. In fact, its still on the high end of "healthy weight" for my height.
I just told him that (a) he was stuck with me whether he liked it or not and (b) if I felt it necessary to leave him, I would do it at any weight.
