I have been dating him for ten years and just recently he said that i was "exaggeratedly" fat and that i needed to lose weight. I felt like crying because we were being intimate at the time and it was just terrible. Has anybody else been told this? i mean he knows that I have been actively trying to lose weight for months and he says this. Please just help me feel like something other than a bag of fat

You do not deserve this. You deserve to be treated with respect.

I'm so sorry.
Yes it happened to me about a decade ago. It really broke me because up until that time I thought he found me beautiful no matter what! We have struggled with many issues since then. It has never really gone away...it's always in the back of my mind.

I truly understand!

Linda

Kick him to the curb!

That is totally disrespectful and inappropriate

I'm with Mozzy!!! But I know it's not really that easy.

My thinking is just that if he really loved and respected you he would have never said that even if he thought it. I've been with my husband for over 13 years and even though I gained 100 lbs. in that time span he never once said anything - even when I complained about how fat I was. The only thing he said was if I really was that unhappy I was the only person who could do anything about it but he would love and support me no matter what.

I can see (tho still not helpful) in a casual conversation ... but during INTIMACIES? REALLY?? What was he thinking!!! GRRRRRRR Does he think you would turn around and do Aerobatics/gymnastics because you wanted to lose an ounce for him? He did not have good timing at all.... I think you both need a conversation as you have been together 10 years and he really does need to know how to say things to you that won't stick in the mind forever, and can be said in a much less hurtful way (especially when you are vulnerable)... GRRRRRR Sorry... My 2 cents...

I think things like this have happened to alot of us.. .My boyfriend stopped wanted sex (But I could do whatever to him yeah?! NO!!!) when I had gained weight. Never could talk to me about it (he wasn't slim either = trust me and had a major drinking problem and I never not wanted to be with him) I just hope that you 2 can talk to each other and have a good conversation!... YOU are TOOOOOOO important! You are losing weight for yourself and your well being! YOU are IMPORTANT!!!

I am so sorry.. as this brought up a hurtful memory of mine too..

HUGS to you!!! and talk

HUGS It was totally uncalled of him to say that, ESPECIALLY during sex. At the very least I would recommend discussing it with him, sometimes guys can be completely boneheaded.

But I would also recommend thinking long and hard about your relationship - is this a random one off where he said something idiotic-ly hurtful without thinking, or does he treat you disrespectfully etc on a more regular basis. If it is the first, well guys can be idiots and he likely feels like sh*t; if it seems to be the second, well than you deserve better!

ETA: Honestly, he likely didn't mean it to come out as it sounded. my DH and I don't have the greatest sex life because we are both pretty heavy, tummys get in the way etc. (i know tmi I'm sorry) we still love each other and don't care what we look like, but we are both working on losing weight. It is for our health but we also both look forward to the day that we can try more positions etc and not have our bellies in the way.

He may have been thinking along the lines of looking forward to when you are smaller and things may be easier. whichever way he never should have said it no matter how it made sense in his head

Did you tell him that if he doesn't like your "exaggeratedly" fat body, then he can stop receiving any pleasure from the workings of it? What an a**.

I have a hard time believing anyone is idiotic enough to think using the words "exaggeratedly" and "fat" together in the same sentence when describing some one in an intimate setting would in any way, shape or form not hurt their feelings.

If he really is that ignorant (and not mean), and this is not a common thing in your relationship, you need to sit him down and have a serious conversation about his obvious inability to think about your feelings. If he was trying to kindly discuss how sex is more difficult because of weight (which I attest to - it is), then you need to talk to him about proper ways to communicate with you.

If this is his modus operandi, and he's a jerk, you need to kick this man to the curve.

Also, this.

Do not let anyone's words reduce what you are to something so common and inhuman. What he said had no bearing on what or who you are. It truly only said something about him.

You want to lose weight. I hope it is for health, and not because you feel like a "bag of fat." We all feel unhappiness about our bodies, yes, but you can't hate yourself thin. Or, if you can, I can't imagine that it's healthy.

I'd smack him in the face.

My wife called me a whale once in the heat of an argument.

Another time a big, fat pig.

But never when we were being nice to each other.

Smack him!

That was so very thoughtless of him. And knowing you've been working on losing weight, he said you need to lose weight? You've lost 10 lbs! Losing weight is exactly what you've been doing, so what's was his point in even saying that? It was in no way supportive! It was just hurtful. I don't know if he was purposely trying to hurt you, but it was a dumb, inconsiderate thing to say. Please don't let it sideline your good efforts. Keep going with your weight loss plan. Do it for you, not for him.

I'm sorry you had to hear that from your bf of 10 years!! I heard the same thing from my bf of 8 yrs and that's the reason we broke up. He was not able to accept me at my worst and I did not want to change myself because my ego took over.

You are already making an effort to lose weight, you need encouragement, not harsh words like those.

If anything I've learnt from my last relationship, do it because you want to feel good, not to get HIS approval.. and like most of the folks here said, Smack him!!

That is terrible! I'm so sorry he said that to you. I think during intimacy women are at their most vulnerable (let's face it, not every position is the most flattering!) I think you need to talk to him for sure, otherwise every time you Guys want to get close, that's all you'll be thinking about! Hope it all works out for you!

Don't tolerate that! Tell him insults about you body are not acceptable. If he does it again always blame it on his penis. "I get so depressed that your penis doesn't get me off that I eat." Or "I eat to block my mind from thinking how small your penis is." I bet he won't make anymore fat comments.