Well, I started dieting properly, and lost 25 pounds in 6 months. Very proud of myself. But now i've been going up and down between 177 and 183 for the past month+, with one day at 175. I figured with how little i'm eating, the fat would just melt off. But it's not.
An average day for me is around 500-1,000 calories.
Yes I KNOW it's low.... but I can't help it. I'm having "Physical Anorexia", where I do not feel hungry and sometimes just the smell of food makes me dry heave (as opposed to Mental Anorexia, where I don't WANT to eat, to lose weight), and even if I want to eat something, sometimes I can't, or on good days, I can eat some. I've been force-feeding myself just to get that 500-1,000 calories a day.
Healthwise, I am taking multivitamins so I don't end up undernourished, but I would rather be getting my nutrients from eating, not a pill. I just have a very low appetite, and it's really starting to get frustrating. I also seem to not be able to eat much at once. A few days ago I thought to myself, "well usually i'd have half a sandwich about now, but I need more calories, so i'll have a whole sandwich AND some pasta salad". Well, lo and behold, it was tooooo much. I spent a good half hour after eating laying down in bed, feeling like my stomach was bursting and I was about to vomit.
Mentally.... Well i'm an ex-anorexic struggling with disordered eating thoughts, I think things like "I don't NEED food, i've done this before intentionally, i'll be fine", even though logically I know there's an issue. I don't listen to the thoughts that tell me to throw up on purpose, I don't listen to the thoughts saying starvation is okay. I've been doing really well with ignoring those thoughts actually, but having them happen at all is irritating when I WANT to be HEALTHY. I stopped caring about my body size and am actually looking into doing some plus-sized modeling as a hobby for fun and confidence (and already have a photographer on board willing to help me build my portfolio for free), but I have high blood pressure so i'd like to be able to lose a bit more for my own health. So mentally i've got it all going on, but physically I don't.
Ummmmm well I didn't mean to rant so i'll get to the point:
Is my undereating causing me to not lose weight
? How can I eat more without feeling sick? How can I stimulate my appetite (other than weed, which I use for pain, but no longer gives me "the Munchies")?
Oh and no "exercise" comments please I have a bunch of physical problems that i'm working on getting checked out, including 2 heart problems, so I will exercise once I have a DOCTOR'S permission and workout plan to cater to my specific needs with my disabilities.