i talked to someone on an ED hotline while i was having some huge urges this morning. they gave me the names and numbers of some people to try calling, ED specialists. well, the one person who called me back wants to commit highway robbery.
she wants me to see her. twice a week. every single week. how much is each session?
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS.
two hundred fifty x eight times a month = two thousand dollars.
seriously? when she told me i damn near pissed myself. i mean, i'm not rich. my only "income" is food stamps. which i NEED. how else will i buy my fruits and veggies? i'm not considered "poor" either, but my grandmother only MAKES about two thousand a month, BEFORE taxes.
i'm sorry but, is this woman freaking serious? i say i'm practically in crisis, i'm having urges, but i DO NOT want to go inpatient (especially as i'm pretty sure i don't fit the criteria for admission, as i'm only having urges and not actually engaging in the behavior... yet =/ nor am i underweight, in the least) or to the emergency room (i already have over fifty thousand dollars in medical debt), that i have no money or insurance, and you tell me i need to see you twice a week every month?
ugh. i understand i need to make sacrifices to recover properly, and get real support, but my family can't live on the street and walk for many miles back and forth to work and miles back and forth to the only store that accepts my food stamps in the area, and feed three people with two hundred a month, AND go more and more into debt every month. i mean, my entire college fund is only seven thousand dollars. i can't even afford half a year of treatment.
idk what to do. i got in touch with the person covering for my psychiatrist while she is out til may twenty-eighth (who i learned is actually an APN) and she said i could have my ICMS worker set up a meeting and drive me to her to see her, but she's not a specialist. all she can really do (and she told me this herself) is adjust my medication.
i want to swear very loudly while punching things. i just feel like i keep hitting walls everywhere i turn. i'm assuming the other specialists i called will be around the same price. what's the point? i'm going to have to do this on my own... like everything else in my life... but i don't know how... and as much as i like talking to people, i feel like people don't like me (even here, and the ED website i joined, even though im fairly new to both sites), so i'm a bit wary of taking other peoples' advice. i want to talk to a PROFESSIONAL. but i can't. wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf
are you freaking SERIOUS!?