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Silly Silly Goal Weight

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Old 04-11-2013, 02:37 AM   #1
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Wink Silly Silly Goal Weight

Goodness! I know I won't be the first (or the last!) person to complain about this, but how on earth is my chosen goal weight anyone else's business but my own? And why do people that don't even know me very well try their damnedest to convince me that I should stop losing weight already? I'm talking about complete guilt trips and everything . . . because I've apparently lost more than enough and should be satisfied with where I'm at; after all, they'd love to be down to my size. Let's not even think about how I'm still technically obese.

I do understand how it works, that people are used to seeing me a certain way, that perhaps the status quo has been disrupted, but it just boggles my mind how people make my weight their business. I'm happy with where I'm at, and I'm happy with where I'm going. Don't assume I'm going for an unrealistic ideal, don't assume I have an eating disorder, and don't assume I have no appreciation for all my hard work simply because I haven't reached a goal that hasn't met your approval.

Silly, silly goal weight . . . why does it intimidate others so?
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Old 04-11-2013, 07:21 AM   #2
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I would totally think those people might be a little threatened by your weight loss
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Old 04-11-2013, 07:39 AM   #3
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pull out the doctor card: as in my doctor would like me to lose a bit more for my health... My doctor recommended that i stop eating... My doctor told me...

also you are right about people having a distorted view. My neighbours who have a completely normal BMI told me the same thing when i was still technically obese. It is really about perception. They eventually got used to the new me.
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Old 04-11-2013, 08:38 AM   #4
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I think it is about having a sense of order, I mean people are comfortable with things that are predicable.....the sky is blue,ice is cold ...she fat...He is tall, things like that.

I have been on the receiving end of a ton of advice ....you don't need to lose anymore weight....by Both Heavy And Skinny people....

I think it is all about placing things in categories ....and I don't take it personal.

Although sometimes I would like to call people out who are commenting on my weight ....Hey WHY did you Not Tell Me I Was FAT!!!!! That would not be PC to call you out about that....but to call you names about being Skinny ....Everyone feels Comfortable ..calling you Skinny Bones ...Anorexic!!

My daughter is in High School some girl walks up to her ...she has only seen in the halls and calls her Anorexic for her height! My Girl turns around and in front of a guy friend ....tells this. chick according to you hight your Overweight!! This Chick gave let out a Hmmm like she could not believe my daughter said that and stomped away! The boy by daughter was with looked at her like...Wow you are fierce! My daughter is a sweetheart but she has a bite! Of course I told her there could have been another way to handle it....but she was be bullied and she
Pushed back and the Bully folded like a cheap card table!
To be young again a be able to give a verbal slap!
We of course have self control and manners and would not do this....My daughter is fierce...A Sweet Pretty Girl who is quiet ...but watch out She has a Powerful Bite!
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Old 04-11-2013, 08:52 AM   #5
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You might have noticed that I changed my profile goal weight yesterday. I also changed my ticker to bring to me to a healthy weight. Beyond that- I've decided it's my body's decision on where it wants to be.

I think some people begin to get threatened when the people around them begin losing weight. They begin feeling guilty everytime they see you... you become a reminder of everything that they should be doing.... BUT...that is NOT your problem. You are getting healthy.
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Old 04-11-2013, 09:21 AM   #6
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I'm not there yet, but I'm already thinking about responses to such inquiries/demands. I like the idea of using the doctor card. When I moved from "losing weight" to "inflammation/arthritis/blood sugar" as my reasons for eating the way I do, I immediately got less flak from certain friends (who are SURE that low-carb is unhealthy and faddish).

I also think a simple, "Oh, yes, I'm definitely slowing down as I get closer to a normal weight" and not actually defining what that "normal weight" is that you're aiming for, might be helpful.
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Old 04-11-2013, 09:30 AM   #7
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Quote:
When I moved from "losing weight" to "inflammation/arthritis/blood sugar" as my reasons for eating the way I do, I immediately got less flak from certain friends
Oh yes. This is why I say, "oh I'm just doing this to prevent heartburn/psorisis/etc." I deny any weight loss inquires. "Oh I don't think I'm losing weight." or I haven't gotten on the scale in months." But if I were like GUYZ I'M GOING ON A DIET. There would be mad gossip!
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Old 04-11-2013, 09:38 AM   #8
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I think that in person, I'm a little intimidating. No one has made any unsolicited comments about my goal weight nor has anyone intimated that I've lost too much. I do get a lot of compliments on my weight loss thus far, particularly from people who haven't seen me in a while. I had lunch with one of my former co-workers a few weeks ago. He hadn't seen me in almost a year. When he saw me, at first he didn't recognize me, then he blurted out, "HOLY S***! Where's the other half of you!" It made me feel good and laugh at the same time.

But back to the point at hand. People rarely offer me unsolicited advice and on the few occasions that it does happen, and it's not welcome*, I make sure they know that. I really don't suffer fools gladly.

*Human interaction means that people share experiences and advice. The only time I push back is when someone crosses boundaries of privacy, offensiveness or stupidity. Oh, and woo. Woo raises my blood pressure faster than almost anything else. "You know if you just Powder X on your food you can eat all you want and still lose weight!" No. Just, no.
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Old 04-11-2013, 10:08 AM   #9
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Sunny, it isn't any of their business. And when someone asks a question or makes a comment that is none of their business I either give them the silent stare or else turn the tables and ask them why they would ask such a personal question. Usually the stare works (what my family fondly refers to as "the look"), but some people are just too dense to know that they've stepped over the line. That's when the verbal is used. If they're still being nosy, I just end the conversation by saying that I appreciate their concern but it's a personal matter that I don't choose to discuss with them. I try to remain polite, but I have just walked away when all else failed.
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Old 04-11-2013, 10:14 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Garnet2727 View Post
I think that in person, I'm a little intimidating. No one has made any unsolicited comments about my goal weight nor has anyone intimated that I've lost too much...

But back to the point at hand. People rarely offer me unsolicited advice and on the few occasions that it does happen, and it's not welcome*, I make sure they know that. I really don't suffer fools gladly.

*Human interaction means that people share experiences and advice. The only time I push back is when someone crosses boundaries of privacy, offensiveness or stupidity. Oh, and woo. Woo raises my blood pressure faster than almost anything else. "You know if you just Powder X on your food you can eat all you want and still lose weight!" No. Just, no.
I love this! I like to give people looks like, "did you really just say that?" People's comments don't really bother me at this point but they did in the beginning. Everyone's an expert and everyone has an opinion. Most people seem to see that I'm well on my way and don't make comments but if they do I always ask, "why would I stop doing something that's working really well for me?" And I usually don't tell people exactly how much more weight I want to lose.
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Old 04-11-2013, 10:28 AM   #11
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I don't tell anyone anything about my weightloss, my goal weight, my starting weight, NOTHING! This is for me, my husband and my hopefully future family and no one else.

In the past, I thought it made me more accountable for people to know my progress and my goals. All it did was cause guilt, shame, remorse and then, the ultimate failure. I don't blame them for my failure, it was my own doing. But the constant comments (whether positive or negative) drove me to the point that I couldn't take dieting anymore. How much did you lose, how much did you gain the last time, are you really going to eat that, have another piece because you are thinner now, you do enough exercise, you are obsessed with all of this, you eat too plain/too many salads/too many vegetables, omg, I could go on and on. And mind you, none of this was a conversation ever started by me.

So now...like you...I'm making awesome progress, I'm happy for the first time in a very long time, I can feel my confidence growing in my attitude and clothing choices, just everything seems so much more hopeful now.

The only way I have learned to cope with this is to say my weight is off limits for topics in conversation. At first I was scared, now I know I have no reason to be scared. And if they insist on talking about it, it's a one side conversation and I just look at them.

Now you all or my husband or my nutritionist, I can talk about my weightloss goals, success, hardships, everything all day long!! But not the nosy ones in real life, no matter how good their intentions. I can't get burned again.
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Old 04-11-2013, 10:36 AM   #12
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Wow. I'm looking at all the tickers on this thread...and I'm just in AWE. You all inspire me every single day.

ETA: I just HAD to do the math... With those that have posted so far- there has been a 770 pound loss cumulative! 770 pounds!!
Holy Geeze. Let me soak up some of this incredible weight loss mojo.



P.S. I know weight loss isn't luck. It's hard work, but this picture was so cute!
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Old 04-11-2013, 10:43 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Elladorine View Post
Goodness! I know I won't be the first (or the last!) person to complain about this, but how on earth is my chosen goal weight anyone else's business but my own? And why do people that don't even know me very well try their damnedest to convince me that I should stop losing weight already? I'm talking about complete guilt trips and everything . . . because I've apparently lost more than enough and should be satisfied with where I'm at; after all, they'd love to be down to my size. Let's not even think about how I'm still technically obese.

I do understand how it works, that people are used to seeing me a certain way, that perhaps the status quo has been disrupted, but it just boggles my mind how people make my weight their business. I'm happy with where I'm at, and I'm happy with where I'm going. Don't assume I'm going for an unrealistic ideal, don't assume I have an eating disorder, and don't assume I have no appreciation for all my hard work simply because I haven't reached a goal that hasn't met your approval.

Silly, silly goal weight . . . why does it intimidate others so?
ahhhh girl, I totally agree with everyone you've said. I've started to get the "Don't lose any more weight" and "you're going to blow away with one strong wind" . I'm like 5 lbs from the obese category so I know that a strong wind is not going to topple me! LOL. I kind of just smile and move on. The only time I said something back was when my mom's friend actually told me I was so skinny I was sickly. WTF? I know I don't look sickly, and I didn't lose weight unhealthily, so I gave her a piece of my mind. NO one dared tell me "You're obese" or "you need to lose weight" when I was 299 pounds, why do they get to tell me I'm too skinny or to Stop losing weight? It doesn't make sense

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Old 04-11-2013, 11:01 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lunarsongbird View Post
Wow. I'm looking at all the tickers on this thread...and I'm just in AWE. You all inspire me every single day.

ETA: I just HAD to do the math... With those that have posted so far- there has been a 770 pound loss cumulative! 770 pounds!!
Holy Geeze. Let me soak up some of this incredible weight loss mojo.
OMG!!!!! We are awesome!!!
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Old 04-11-2013, 11:19 AM   #15
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892....

Yeah...I think we should do a quick little thread here and see what we got going on...
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