I wouldn't count a pregnancy top weight for so many reasons - there's more than just baby - there's a placenta and water and you carry extra blood in your body, etc. Both times I was pregnant, 3 weeks post-partum, I weighed 30 plus pounds LESS than when I went in for delivery.
But I think it's more that my husband doesn't realize the mental battle this is for me. Sure, I was 'only 255' when I started this effort,, but I could have been any weight. While I watched the scale, I did nothing to control the numbers. I got to 275 quickly - very quickly. In the span of 2 years I went from 185 to 275. (I had recently lost 50 pounds and then gained it back plus 40 more in two rapid chunks). So, even my weight gains were never slow - allowing my skin to adapt. I gained FAST.
I know he says it to comfort me - as the loose skin bugs me, but like someone mentioned before - I need to 'own' where I have been - because it tells the full story for me.
I'd explain exactly that to him if he doesn't get it, and if he STILL doesn't get how that makes you feel I'd just ask him not to bring it up, since it is a sensitive subject. I definitely see your perspective on this, and that's as eloquently as I think you can state it.
Ok... I can settle this. Your top weight is what you say it is. Hubby should take the advice of all happily married men... nod his head and say yes dear.
Ok... I can settle this. Your top weight is what you say it is. Hubby should take the advice of all happily married men... nod his head and say yes dear.
Ah, not my husband! He likes a debate! Including debating his wife = he gets energized by going back and forth. I too like a good debate, but not about every single aspect of life. It would be nice if once in awhile he did just nod his head and say yes, dear instead of always having something to say! I say that teasingly of course, as I love my husband dearly and love our relationship, but gosh, it can be exhausting sometimes!
Whether or not he thinks it counts, considering your highest weight can also be a motivating factor some types of people, myself included.
If you saw 300 on the scale for a week, but go down to 290 the next, then get serious and lose down to 250, it's a much bigger accomplishment in your mind to think, "Holy cow! I've lost 50 lbs!" instead of 40. It's what matters to you. In my mind, there's nothing to debate with your husband.
Ah, not my husband! He likes a debate! Including debating his wife = he gets energized by going back and forth. I too like a good debate, but not about every single aspect of life. It would be nice if once in awhile he did just nod his head and say yes, dear instead of always having something to say! I say that teasingly of course, as I love my husband dearly and love our relationship, but gosh, it can be exhausting sometimes!
My husband is like this too, in fact his ability to play devil's advocate and see both sides of an argument is largely what attracted me to him - he was the first person I'd met whose skill were similar and even rivaled my own in that regard.
It was fun a whole lot of fun, until I began to realize that his skills didn't just rival mine, they vastly surpassed them. Now it's become exhausting, because I almost NEVER win an argument except in my head. And he turns EVERTHING into a philosophical debate.
He doesn't understand why I don't want to "play the game" as often anymore - and I try to tell him that it's no fun when I can't win. Then he gets mad because he thinks I'm saying he's unreasonable (which he sort of is).
When I have a lot of energy, it is fun, but when I don't the last thing I want to do is spend a 20 minute debate about insanely meaningless topics like the weather or the degree to which a bad movie sucks (even when we AGREE, he finds a way to make it a debate).
This reminds me of one of my old friends asking how much weight I'd lost since my highest. When it was clearly higher than she expected (we live in different parts of the country now so she hasn't physically seen my progress) she immediately tried to tell me that it "didn't count" because anything above the plateau I hit when I moved to Nevada was too long ago to matter.
In this case, I know what she was really trying to get at, she wanted to discount all the effort I've put in. Uh, not happening. I was at 360 for over a year and I'm not going to pretend I've only lost 45 pounds when it's been more like 120! But it was interesting how she shifted her focus from my highest weight to the weight I was at when I moved as being my starting point. I think my starting point should be up to me and me alone.
To be fair, I'm currently focused on what I've accomplished since my March reboot while still keeping my highest weight in mind . . . I don't want to forget where I can likely end back up if I don't take care of myself every single day of the rest of my life.
And I'm not saying everyone is like my friend, but oy . . .
My husband is like this too, in fact his ability to play devil's advocate and see both sides of an argument is largely what attracted me to him - he was the first person I'd met whose skill were similar and even rivaled my own in that regard.
It was fun a whole lot of fun, until I began to realize that his skills didn't just rival mine, they vastly surpassed them. Now it's become exhausting, because I almost NEVER win an argument except in my head. And he turns EVERTHING into a philosophical debate.
He doesn't understand why I don't want to "play the game" as often anymore - and I try to tell him that it's no fun when I can't win. Then he gets mad because he thinks I'm saying he's unreasonable (which he sort of is).
When I have a lot of energy, it is fun, but when I don't the last thing I want to do is spend a 20 minute debate about insanely meaningless topics like the weather or the degree to which a bad movie sucks (even when we AGREE, he finds a way to make it a debate).
Sounds like we are married to the same sort of man. My husband is a couple standard deviations smarter than me, so yes, I rarely can win in a debate and it does get old... And since he's allllll head and no heart andnim mostly head, with a bit of heart, he doesn't understand the emotional tugs... Reason overpowers everything.
Let's hope the argument (discussion) never gets to those pesky pounds we lose and gain - over and over. If I could count them, I've lost way more than my ticket shows! LOL
He doesn't understand why I don't want to "play the game" as often anymore - and I try to tell him that it's no fun when I can't win. Then he gets mad because he thinks I'm saying he's unreasonable (which he sort of is).
When I have a lot of energy, it is fun, but when I don't the last thing I want to do is spend a 20 minute debate about insanely meaningless topics like the weather or the degree to which a bad movie sucks (even when we AGREE, he finds a way to make it a debate).
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
Sounds like we are married to the same sort of man. My husband is a couple standard deviations smarter than me, so yes, I rarely can win in a debate and it does get old... And since he's allllll head and no heart andnim mostly head, with a bit of heart, he doesn't understand the emotional tugs... Reason overpowers everything.
My boyfriend is the same way! He always wants to win!
While I don't think he's smarter than me (I do take pride in my own smarts), I've countered his insistance on "winning" a side by saying in the middle of an argument that we both agree: "Yay! We win!"
I know that the scale probably read 201 or 205 at some point. After lunch. Water retention. Whatever.
I don't really count those numbers because they weren't steadily at that weight.
I do count 200 because I saw that number once too many times and it was a shocking reminder that I needed to do something about it. I didn't start losing weight like I did later -- I just stopped gaining. I hung out in the 190s for a long time.
The 2 in front of the scale was a really scary number for me.
And it's okay. I'm glad I stopped myself at 200 because if I had to lose more than what I've had to lose, I'd be even more discouraged. I lose weight way too slowly. I've been at this for three years now and I've almost lost 40 pounds. Almost. I can't hit 160 or below... yet (it's taken me all year since the start of 2012 and I'm still at the same weight as I was in my last weigh-in of 2011!).
Berry -- I'm sure your husband probably doesn't count that weight because he has no concept of you in that number. But it doesn't matter what he thinks or says, right? You know where you started and what you've done so far and where you are headed. Even if you don't lose another pound, the fact that you've lost as much as you have is pretty impressive.
I like Kaplods thoughts on not gaining -- it's a great feat to just stop gaining, period.
Sounds like we are married to the same sort of man. My husband is a couple standard deviations smarter than me, so yes, I rarely can win in a debate and it does get old... And since he's allllll head and no heart andnim mostly head, with a bit of heart, he doesn't understand the emotional tugs... Reason overpowers everything.
So.... you married Spock? "That's illogical, Captain."
It sounds exhausting to me. My husband and I mostly agree, sometimes we disagree but mostly due to saying the same thing in different ways the other can't understand.
lol.. I guess I'm lucky. My husband knows better than to argue with me over something trivial ... that means the argument better be about something he really needs to win because otherwise there is going to be heck to pay. (heehee... I do not lose arguments, I simply change my mind)
Most of the time, I actually love that my husband is willing to disagree even on the trivial, because I was raised in a very matriarchal family, in which any male disagreement (or any female's defense of a disagreeing male), on any topic no matter how trivial, was often interpreted as disloyalty.
I guess I went a little overboard in picking such a "disagreeable" hubby, and some of my family believe my husband to be an evil so-and-so as a result. it. They think I'm being subjugated and mentally abused, essentially because my husband is willing to state an opinion, and because I don't "correct" him every time he shows a glimmer of independent thought, but I wanted an equal not a pet.
In some ways, when my hubby is in the mood to be conciliatory, I get suspicious (is he agreeing just to prevent an argument - now THAT is when I get angry enough that there's heck to pay).
Most of our disagreements are of the "fun" kind (maybe we're both odd in finding debates fun), and when we were dating we would often carry these discussions/debates into the wee hours of the morning (in some cases having to temporarily table the argument because we both had to get dressed and go to work - with no sleep because we'd talked so long).
I do sometimes wish hubster had a little more diplomacy, not so much for my sake, but for the folks who do perceive disagreement as an attack (not only in my family, but in his - especially in his). However in his family, there was and is a whole lot of thinly veiled hostility and passive aggressive behavior. Hubby considers this "lying" as a result, and refuses to play that game even the teeniest little bit.
When I try to coach him in a more socially acceptable way to say what he wants to say, hubby says, "That's what I said," and when I point out his exact words and expression and how it could be interpreted, he says "If I had meant it that way, that's what I would have said, stop interpreting what I say into something I didn't say" (meaning he doesn't intentionally ever say something with an ambiguous meaning).
Kaplods -In some ways, when my hubby is in the mood to be conciliatory, I get suspicious (is he agreeing just to prevent an argument - now THAT is when I get angry enough that there's heck to pay).
Love it and I completely agree! If my hubby agrees with me I get suspicious lol
Ah yes... the 'tone'. I know most people really like my husband because he challenges them, but in a good way, but... sometimes the WAY he says things gets under sensitive people's skin. Those people don't tend to be his friends, but then, he doesn't want them as friends either.
My family? I'm with you Kaplods - matriarchal family. My mother thinks that I'm "under his thumb". Um... sure. Because? I don't rule over him like she did to my dad when they were married.
Anyway... yes... I married spock. He just doesn't have funny ears or a weird speech pattern.
But it was interesting how she shifted her focus from my highest weight to the weight I was at when I moved as being my starting point. I think my starting point should be up to me and me alone. 
"That's illogical, Captain."
