My head's in a bad place today, so take that in mind with this major pity post. I think my problem is that I'm scared to mow my lawn. Stupid huh? I've never mowed a lawn in my life and it's looming like some test I have to pass in order to prove that I can handle my life. I'm terrified of failing because if I fail...I will fail at being a mom, a house keeper, and will just plain fail at life. Drama queen much? Yeah, I know. But that's how I feel right now. It will pass.
I am only 21.. Never mowed a lawn until I went to college, rented a house with a few friends, and mowing the lawn was something we could do to get lower rent.
At the age of 18 I mowed my first lawn... I needed help starting the lawn mower.. The lawn wasn't mowed in perfect straight lines.. but as weird as this sounds, I love it. I put my headphones in and just start mowing. Not much exercising involved but I just feel good when I do it. Point of this story is basically.. Maybe you will come to have a weird love to mow the yard like me.
So I read through your post, and all the responses, and all I can think about is me (I know, self-absorbed much?)...anyways, personally, I would find myself focusing on the guy that mocked the other two and helped you out the other day. I'd be using his comments as validation about my increasing hotness A guy that you think used to ignore you is now noticing you and being nice???...I'd be having freakin' knight-in-shining armor delusions combined with fantasies where the obnoxious self-absorbed pretty boys are crushed beneath the weights you can now so easily lift
That aside, it's amazing how quickly we can go from feeling amazing about ourselves to feeling like the rest of the world finds us wanting - even if you take weight issues completely out of the picture. Hugs
And btw, I've mowed the lawn twice in my life. Once, I was about 13, and I did such a bad job of it that my parents said I never had to do it again. The other time, a couple years ago, I tried to mow the very small front lawn in front of my home (granted, it was with the push mower the previous owners had left in the garage), and my very sweet old-lady neighbor gave me the number of her gardener the very next day Try not to worry about it too much...I mean, really, the worst thing that could happen is that some of the grass will be uneven, and you'll catch it next time around. I've read through quite a few of your posts, and it's incredibly obvious that a woman as strong as yourself would be able to handle such a tragedy with tremendous grace
While I see you think mowing the lawn is symbolic I think you need to let yourself off the hook a little in trying to be Super Woman. You have SO much on your plate right now hiring out the lawn care isn't anything to be ashamed of. You are still adjusting to a major life change and that doesn't mean you have to do everything alone right away. I see as just having it handled without flipping out as succeeding as a newly single woman and Mother. I say cut yourself some slack allow yourself some time to adjust and hire out the lawn for now.
Guys can be annoying at the gym but I have learned to dish it right back. Must be the testosterone on over drive that makes some of them so oblivious to everyone else there.
As for getting noticed I honestly find myself looking behind me to see who they are staring at. LOL ! I do think there is some truth to the idea that you could be less approachable now that you are one fit hot Momma, they are kinda scared to be shot down by you. Hehe!
anyways, personally, I would find myself focusing on the guy that mocked the other two and helped you out the other day. I'd be using his comments as validation about my increasing hotness A guy that you think used to ignore you is now noticing you and being nice???...I'd be having freakin' knight-in-shining armor delusions combined with fantasies where the obnoxious self-absorbed pretty boys are crushed beneath the weights you can now so easily lift
As a single homeowner, I'm always doing battle with either keeping up with inside of the house or the outside and I'm not raising children. I decided I didn't like the lawn mowing anyway and hire that job out.
Why, why, why, do we persist in thinking we can do it all?
The other thing that I meant to mention was the pitfall of extrapolating from one small incident to Universal Law.
I do this all the time myself.
If one guy cuts me off at an exit, and later on, during the same morning commute, somehow abruptly stops & makes a left without signaling, I say to myself: "No one knows how to drive these days."
Not true. I just crossed two absent-minded or self-absorbed or cellphone-using people within one hour. I can't draw conclusions about the whole world from that.
So two guys talking together ignore you at the gym, and on the street later, when you try to give off a general aura of friendliness, you are met with a stone-facedness.
Don't conclude from that: "I'm unattractive to all men in an appropriate age group, I'm totally invisible to them & no one's ever going to find me appealing or love me."
It's like having a bad day. (That song is now in my head.) It doesn't mean you'll have a bad week, bad month, bad year, bad life.
That summer was also the magical convergence of years when every type of cicada (3 year, 7 year, 11 year whatever number of years when they all attack) was out. I would mow and have them flying in my hair and getting stuck, and I would yell at them and wildly wave my arms trying to keep them away, and the overwhelming noise that they make would drive me crazy.
Okay, I am TERRIFIED of bugs, so I'd just be buying a goat or something to take care of the lawn. :shudder:
I don't mind mowing the lawn (we have about an acre cleared, very hilly, push mower) but I hate getting chased by blackflies and mosquitoes...so my DAUGHTER will mow the lawn. How old are your kids? Could they do it? My DD has been mowing for the past couple of summers (she just turned 12).
Seriously, just pop your iPod on and go. It can be very Zen.
P.s. I'm socially unaware too, and therefore don't know if someone's flirting until their hand goes up my dress or their tongue down my throat.
LOL! You guys have all given me much to think about. And there are several one-liners here I almost multi-quoted. But I need to be on to other things rather than take time to do that.
Yesterday was an emotional day. Today is better only because I have shut down the voice in my head. Every time a thought I shouldn't have crops up I change the dialogue. I've been literally obsessing lately. My focus has totally turned off weight loss (not that I've stopped) and on to other, not so positive, things. I almost wish I had weight loss to dive back into again. Almost.
I'm just one giant transitioning mess right now, that's all. I've gone from fat to thin, married to divorced (hate that word), and from just "Mom" to "single-mom". That's a lot of change and it has happened rather head-spinningly fast. <-- heh-heh, perfect smilie.
So today, I am taking a zen approach to life. I am quieting the mind. And let me tell you, that's almost impossible to do! My mind is constantly going and constantly conversing with itself. And now that I don't have an adult outlet to literally express those conversations, it's just one big rambling mess in my head. I have GOT to start living outside my head.
LOL! You guys have all given me much to think about. And there are several one-liners here I almost multi-quoted. But I need to be on to other things rather than take time to do that.
Yesterday was an emotional day. Today is better only because I have shut down the voice in my head. Every time a thought I shouldn't have crops up I change the dialogue. I've been literally obsessing lately. My focus has totally turned off weight loss (not that I've stopped) and on to other, not so positive, things. I almost wish I had weight loss to dive back into again. Almost.
I'm just one giant transitioning mess right now, that's all. I've gone from fat to thin, married to divorced (hate that word), and from just "Mom" to "single-mom". That's a lot of change and it has happened rather head-spinningly fast. <-- heh-heh, perfect smilie.
So today, I am taking a zen approach to life. I am quieting the mind. And let me tell you, that's almost impossible to do! My mind is constantly going and constantly conversing with itself. And now that I don't have an adult outlet to literally express those conversations, it's just one big rambling mess in my head. I have GOT to start living outside my head.
Eliana-- I feel for you, I really do, and I UNDERSTAND what you mean. It's funny, because recently, when I've been really having a bit of a hard time, I often think of you, and I think, UBER, what is your problem, here Eliana went through a DIVORCE and keeps on trucking...
I really and truly advise you to give yourself a break whenever possible. Sometimes it takes a while for the effects of all of these changes to catch up with us.
Me, in the past two years, I lost over one hundred pounds, had one of the most spectacular successes of my life, moved to a new city, took up a new career... and the list goes on. And I sailed right along, doing great with all the changes until suddenly one day I had this huge let down and really hit the skids...
Losing so much weight is a life-changing event. It changes SO MANY THINGS. Throw another major life change or two on top of it and we can get mentally exhausted...
Hang in there. And hire someone to mow the lawn. I'm with Carye on that one
I think my problem is that I'm scared to mow my lawn. 
Stupid huh? I've never mowed a lawn in my life and it's looming like some test I have to pass in order to prove that I can handle my life. I'm terrified of failing because if I fail...I will fail at being a mom, a house keeper, and will just plain fail at life. Drama queen much? 
Yeah, I know. But that's how I feel right now. It will pass. 
A guy that you think used to ignore you is now noticing you and being nice???...I'd be having freakin' knight-in-shining armor delusions combined with fantasies where the obnoxious self-absorbed pretty boys are crushed beneath the weights you can now so easily lift 
Try not to worry about it too much...I mean, really, the worst thing that could happen is that some of the grass will be uneven, and you'll catch it next time around. I've read through quite a few of your posts, and it's incredibly obvious that a woman as strong as yourself would be able to handle such a tragedy with tremendous grace 
<-- heh-heh, perfect smilie. 
