Let's see if our definitions of "binge" are the same.
When I binged, I was absolutely fixated on the act of eating, and eating as much as possible, to the point of making myself ill. It was a compulsive action, and felt unstoppable, so much so that I felt possessed, or as if I were having an out-of-body experience. I was sometimes able to watch myself from outside myself, and feel alarmed by what I was doing; still, I felt impelled to do it.
What I mean is, it's not overeating. You go to a mental place, too. You probably know that already, but I can kind of see the difference blurring in some of the posts here.
My binges happened most frequently after severe restriction. Which may answer your question about intake. I was underconsuming for long periods of time. That set me up for a binge. When I had great anxiety or felt upset, my psyche seemed to seize upon food as a method of self-expression, because I'd been placing so much importance on staying away from it. (My body said: "You're not paying attention to the signals I'm giving you about your stress level & depression, so I'm going to get your attention by seizing control & making you do the VERY THING YOU MOST FEAR DOING.")
After causing chaos in my food intake, like the Mayhem guy in the insurance commercials, the binge would then recede. And I would "repair" the damage by drinking lots & lots of water, exercising for three hours straight, sometimes crying while I was speed-walking & then running or while on the machines. Beating myself up with exercise, is how I'd describe it now. ("You idiot! How could you do that? Here, take this. You deserve it. You deserve to sweat. And then to eat nothing for dinner but an apple.")
Maybe also there's a medical reason for weight evening out, with the human body having evolved to handle famines & feasts. I don't know about that part. I just know the routine of my own unhappy cycle.
Anyway, the result of my bingeing years ago was NOT my weight holding steady. That would depend on a perfect balance of the restriction-binge-purge-cycle. In my experience, when you start to get better, parts of the cycle stop while others might continue. There was a gradual regain. I just got too exhausted by the purging part. I couldn't keep it up. I couldn't exercise all the time. I had a job & etc. & was trying to get a bigger life going, one that took me outside my compulsions. The weight came back even more rapidly after I stopped overrestricting.
Therapy, my dear. Sessions & sessions & sessions of therapy.
(Unfortunately, while that bout of therapy fixed the overrestrictive eating & the binging & purging, it never fixed the plain old overeating, the kind everyone is subject to, and my liking for sweetness. I guess because my therapist & I were doing triage at the time. So we had to leave the more usual stuff for me to come back around to, years later.)
I can answer this one as I was that person (and worse am fighting to not become that person again). Terrible binger up to age 30 while I fought my body that wanted to weigh 160-170 while I yearned for 135. I'd eat lightly at meals and then go nuts with "forbidden" foods. So I'd try to burn them off with extra exercise and eating lightly again, leading to another binge cycle.. (repeat as NOT needed for nearly 20 years)
When I was 30 I took a job that required travel and suddenly 5 days a week every meal was fast food or restaurant. I was getting so many calories in those meals that my binging habit virtually disappeared. Regrettably though that calorie load resulted in 100 lbs gained in a little over a year. Did I mention little time for exercise while I had that job?
Sadly, eating more like a normal person did result in more extra calories banked then my formally disordered eating.
Something that is worrying me right now is since reaching my initial goal of 100 lbs lost but wanting to push my body below that 160 mark is making those old cycles from 20+ years ago reappear. I have now maintained the same weight for the last 5 months but know I'm eating in a non-healthy way again. Most of my calories today have come from an entire bag of Sun Chips instead of my every 2 hours eating of 2-300 calories of healthy small meals and snacks that resulted in the 100 lb loss.
And if I do the math on these bingy days I can see why I'm not gaining, but I know dang well 1800 cals of balanced eating is so much better for my health than the 1800 cals I've eaten today.
Last edited by caryesings; 02-03-2011 at 05:25 PM.
Saef, Your post really spoke to me. That is how it is for me too. Its not just over eating. I go somewhere mental...almost like a cocoon. And I long for that feeling...I know I need counseling, and I am working on it. But I have realized over the last 6 months or so, I am a binger. I feel like you said posessed during a binge. I can't stop it, at least that's how it feels. Sometimes I can go for MONTHS not having a binge, but then it leads to an even longer binge after "depriving" myself. You really hit the nail on the head for me.
For me I am back in my bad state. I have been for about 4 months...I am hoping that I am coming out of it, but its hard to know...
I have been a binge eater since I was 16-17 years old, my highest weight was somewhere between 133-135 pounds. I’ve binged on whole cakes, whole pizzas, dozens of cookies, bags of candy and gallons of ice cream. On my worst binges I’ve probably consumed 10,000 – 12,000 calories. I think the only reason I’ve never been that big is because I could never eat like that every day. Yes, I might binge once or twice every 2-3 weeks (sometimes more), but the rest of the days I eat between 800-2500 calories, plus exercise (10-15 hrs a week). This usually allows me to maintain my weight, sometimes even lose. As long as I have more healthy days than binge days, I don’t gain. Lately, I’ve been having more binge days than healthy days, which is causing me to gain.
I’m sure if I constantly ate a very high amount of calories every day, I would be pretty big. Also, if you think about it, my normal binge is 5,000 – 8,000 calories; can my body really process all that food. Does it really absorb every single calorie? :/
I know I have a serious binge problem. Even though I have stopped the insane amounts and frequency that got me to 278 pounds, I still WANT to do that. I can't, anymore, because my stomach is smaller and I feel so horrible compared to my new normal if I binge. But still, part of me reads this thread and goes, "oh my gosh, I want fast food for every meal and a box of mac and cheese and 3 pounds of M&M's!" I have spent quite a bit of time, actually, trying to figure out a way to binge and not be obese and yet not hurt myself, and unfortunately there seems to be no way to do that. Yet I want to binge. But I don't do it.
saef- you totally hit the nail on the head- it is going into this mental place, complusive, reactive, numbing, almost out of body type thing...also took me a million sessions of therapy. actually, i'm still in therapy...lol.
for me, i always had a problem with portions. so i always took in more calories than my body needed, and my activity level was not up to par. and my binging cycles...varied. sometimes i would binge a couple of times a week. sometimes a would binge everyday of the week...sometimes it would be a three times in a month. there was never a consistent pattern.
I don't binge eat, but my highest weight was 250. I contribute the weight gain to lack of exercise and large portions. There are probably some binge eaters who weigh less then I did because they moved more, and ate less at other times.
I am still a little surprised whenever I see someone who weighs less then I did, but could consume a whole pizza in one sitting. I always got stuffed after two pieces. At my highest weight I couldn't sit down and eat a whole pizza, but I did eat a lot of fried foods, especially potatoes.
I guess the problem on forums is if someone talks about a binge that's the only part of their eating habits you see. You do not see the times they eat regular amounts of food. So, it can be surprising if they are able to weigh less.
Last edited by Asherdoodles87; 02-04-2011 at 09:10 AM.
