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how do I get from "why bother, I"m so hopeless" to at least trying again?

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Old 10-14-2010, 11:57 AM   #1
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Default how do I get from "why bother, I"m so hopeless" to at least trying again?

Hi,

Probably almost anyone who remembers me has finished losing weight and moved on! I registered here about seven years ago. In 2004 I lost 60 lbs, and had about 30 more to go.

Well, I've gained it all back. I've tried numerous times to lose again. I keep losing and gaining the same five lbs and giving up. I'm at the point where I feel I'll never lose weight, but I really don't want to give up.

I've had some injuries which have interfered with being able to exercise, but when they're not acting up, I have no problem with exercising four or five days a week.

It's really just the food. The odd thing is, I really LIKE fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean protein. One of my favorite breakfasts is fat free Greek yogurt with honey/fruit or low fat cottage cheese on whole wheat bread or oatmeal or wheat toast with peanut butter. I love big salads with lean protein thrown in. I hardly ever eat fast food or fried foods. However, I do have a horrible sweet tooth, and bread is a major downfall.

I know it's different for everybody, but now I can't remember what worked for me before, as far as getting into the right mind set. I know HOW to eat in a healthy way and I enjoy exercising. I just can't seem to get in the right mind set to do both at the same time and stick with it.

Thanks for any input-
Sherry
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Old 10-14-2010, 11:59 AM   #2
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Sometimes, you just have to fake it til you make it.

Keep trying, every time you mess up get right back on plan that very minute... not tomorrow or Monday or on the first of the month. Immediately. That helps me tremendously.

I think a lot of people have good results with calorie counting, so you could start with that. I switched to low carb and had much better control of my cravings that way. Maybe try South Beach. Whatever you choose, you can do it!
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:39 PM   #3
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If you keep telling yourself you are hopeless than you are entering into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You have to tell yourself "I can do this, I will do this, etc."

Also, come up with a plan that you know you can do and stick to it. If you mess up it's okay. You say "self, you made a mistake, brush it off and keep going..."

I also have had the best results with South Beach diet.
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:43 PM   #4
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I remember you!!

We joined the same year. In 2003 I lost well over 100 pounds and then gained it back plus some. 2007 was when I got back to losing again and made another run at this thing.

What is your plan to succeed? Do you have a calorie limit per day? Can you plan your meals and stick to the plan?

Remember how good it felt to lose those 60 pounds. YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN!
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:56 PM   #5
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I joined another site at the same time you used to be here. The only difference is I did not return to the same site.

This time is different for me though. I waited for the motivation to hit, but it just wasn't coming. I felt like it was time to just accept myself for who I was. Then my cousin came over to our house and she had lost 100 pounds. I was jealous! I wanted to know how she did it and she said it was through calorie counting and exercise. I started the next day fully confident it would NOT work.

The difference for me this time has been that I made a commitment to be on plan for one full year, no matter what. My problem was that I would always get frustrated and give up. This time I safe guarded against that by saying that no matter what happened with the scale, I wanted to see just how much I could lose if I just stuck with it.
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Old 10-14-2010, 01:05 PM   #6
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Thank you so much for your responses. I really appreciate it!!

Matt-wow!!! I am SO proud of you!! It did feel good to lose 60 lbs. I will have to try to remember that feeling.

Last time I did calorie counting, but I was not obsessive. I ate about 95% "healthy" foods and allowed some less than healthy choices so I didn't feel totally deprived.

Eliana, that is a good idea to make a time frame for commitment. My commitment needs to be "forever" but a year sounds much more doable!

Your replies give me hope-you've all done so well!

Does anyone else not like other people commenting on their weight, even if it's positive? I know this sounds strange. The receptionist at my doctor's office yesterday asked if I'd lost weight (I haven't, believe me!) I don't like the thought of people judging my appearance, even if it's positive. It just bugs me. Maybe I should start a separate thread with that question.

Thanks!
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Last edited by suzie76 : 10-14-2010 at 01:06 PM.
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Old 10-14-2010, 01:12 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie76 View Post
Does anyone else not like other people commenting on their weight, even if it's positive? I know this sounds strange. The receptionist at my doctor's office yesterday asked if I'd lost weight (I haven't, believe me!) I don't like the thought of people judging my appearance, even if it's positive. It just bugs me.
YES! I really don't like it - it makes me uncomfortable. I know very well they're doing it to compliment me and notice how well I'm doing and everything and it comes from a good place, but I just do not like it. I can't pinpoint exactly why, but I don't. Anyways welcome back, I am also a returnee, I lost about 60 before getting pregnant with my son, and fast forward 3 years and another baby, and now I'm working hard at this again. We can do it!!
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Old 10-14-2010, 01:21 PM   #8
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I think the reason we don't want people to comment on our weight as we really, really want it not to matter. But it does. Whether for appearance or health you can't really escape it and when someone comments it just reminds us that personally blocking out the issue isn't helping.
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Old 10-14-2010, 01:24 PM   #9
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Thank you both for the advice and input. I really appreciate it.

Liz, your son is adorable!!!!! Congratulations on both your children.
I don't know why, but I'm so self conscious that I don't like comments about my appearance even if they are positive! Unless it's from my husband or son, or sister....

Carly, I like your way of thinking. I think if I impose to many rules on myself, I have this inner rebel that automatically wants to not follow them. I did use a calorie range last time.

As far as medication, I have an underactive thyroid and have been on medication for twenty years. In spite of this, I still lose weight frustratingly slowly, but I just have to accept that. I always read articles about women who were treated for this and then their weight melted off..well, not me!

Sherry
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Old 10-14-2010, 01:55 PM   #10
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I like Eliana's one year commitment approach. You can accomplish a lot in one year, and it doesn't seem so overwhelming.
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Old 10-14-2010, 02:20 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie76 View Post
Eliana, that is a good idea to make a time frame for commitment. My commitment needs to be "forever" but a year sounds much more doable!
Yeah, I get called out on this sometimes. Of course it IS a lifetime commitment. But you know how some people take it one day at a time? Well, I'm taking it one year at a time. I am 11 months in and believe me, there's no turning back! I now have some very well established routines and habits that will not disappear. Nothing will change on my 12 month anniversary. But it's still something to strive for...12 months of being totally on plan. And it's a deadline to give the child in me. I can tell myself, I don't have to do this forever, I can just do it for one year. The child in me likes that plan. The adult in me knows it's forever.

But hey! I've lost 75 pounds this way!! That's way more success than I've ever had before and believe me, I've tried!
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mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






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Old 10-14-2010, 02:21 PM   #12
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I think people give up for a different reason - because almost everyone does it. We've learned that it's a natural, almost traditional part of the process. Even the losing hope part. We watch so many more people fail than succeed that part of us believes that success isn't possible (at least not for "normal" folks).

When I realized that I was abandoning weight loss just because it was the normal thing to do - because I was following patterns that everyone else did, I realized that I had to unlearn and reinvent the process for myself. I had to go in with a blank slate (not possible, but I could at least work on erasing the parts that I'd learned weren't successful).
.
I think I'm succeeding now, in a way I have never before in almost 40 years of dieting (even though at a much slower pace), is because of all the unlearning I did. All of the ways I was willing to try something different than I had ever tried before. Some of them things I didn't really know whether anyone else had ever attempted.

One of those things was deciding to lose weight "backwards." Instead of focusing on the weight loss, I decided that the weight wasn't going to be my primary goal (the weight loss was just going to be the reward or at least a happy side effect). I started with making changes that I could see myself doing forever (because there were health or mental advantages) whether or not I lost any weight.

A second change was looking at weight maintenance as success. I realized that many very successful weight loss attempts felt unsuccessful because of those natural fluctuations and stalls on the scale. So everytime I got on the scale and didn't see a gain I decided that was an event to really, truly celebrate (I had to talk myself into that one, but I practiced with daily weighing).

A third was weighing daily. I knew it was "wrong" according to common wisdom, but common wisdom hadn't done me any good in the long run, so it was one of the many diet myths I challenged. The problem with weighing daily (according to the common wisdom) was that it was frustrating and demotivating. Says who? I decided. When I was losing consistently, daily weighing was intensely motivating. But who says that stalls and even gains had to demotivate me. Learning to understand the fluctuations, and not beat myself for them was an incredibly liberating lesson.


Part of it was also deciding that failure wasn't an option. I reminded myself over and over that the quitting was ridiculous. I reminded myself that I brushed my teeth every morning, and if I forgot one morning then I brushed my teeth as soon as I remembered - I didn't decide that tooth brushing was hopeless and throw my toothbrush away. I told myself that weight loss was like climbing a mountain or canyon - when I tripped it didn't make any sense to throw myself to the bottom because of the slip.

Even with a thousand pep-talks it's taken me six years to lose 85 lbs (65 of it in the last three years). That's horrible progress according to diet tradition, but I don't judge myself by those standards any more. Because, I decided to only make comfortable changes, those 85 lbs have seemed nearly effortless (the only effort coming from learning to accept the anti-diet lifestyle).

I am not saying that you have to lose weight my way to be successful. Far from it, I'm saying you need to find a way that works and is comfortable for you. If you choose changes that aren't comfortable, it will never become a lifestyle. Choosing a weight loss plan is like choosing shoes. It's almost impossible to break in truly uncomfortable shoes. You'll wear them for a little while, but as soon as you get a blister, they sit in your closet unused, at least until you forget the pain of the blister.

How do you get from hopelessness and "why bother?" The simple (but far from easy) answer is by answering yourself and reminding yourself as often as necessary of the answers. Why are you bothering? If you don't want to be healthier and more attractive and possibly live longer, then why are you bothering? If it truly doesn't matter to you then do what you do value. Invest your time in what you care about. If it does matter, remind yourself of why it matters, and when you feel hopeless, remind yourself that it is not.

I think weight loss involves a lot of self-talk. A lot of it is negative, and you've got to drown out the negative voices. How to do it, is to do it. Every time a negative thought pops into your head, remember to squash it with three or four positive thoughts. Be your own cheerleader (even if a rude part of you is heckling and making rude gestures to the cheerleader).

Hang in there, it's really the only universal. Everyone chooses their own path, but the only thing every successful person has in common is refusing to give up.
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Old 10-14-2010, 03:07 PM   #13
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Quote:
However, I do have a horrible sweet tooth, and bread is a major downfall.
There you have it. You've pinpointed your downfall. That's a wonderful thing!!! Soooo, what to do? How do you get around that downfall so that you can be the optimal you?

Considering I had the same exact issue, I'll tell you what I did - I banned those foods (have brought them back in under controlled circumstances upon hitting maintenance). If you ask me this is the way to go. Just like an alcoholic must totally ban all alcohol. Once I did that, after a couple of difficult weeks - it became dare I say - easy.

The definition of insanity doing - doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result. Yeah, I tried the moderate route - no. can. do.

For me, it was MORE than worth pushing through those rough few weeks for the UNBELIEVABLE rewards. And unbelievable is not a strong enough word.

A couple of weeks of *roughness* - 3+ years at goal enjoying life like I never imagined possible. Yeah, it's been worth it!!

Welcome back! You CAN do this. 1000% so.
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Old 10-14-2010, 03:11 PM   #14
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Thank you, Robin! I was hoping you would post your wisdom here. I'm so inspired by your journey.

I'm fine with run of the mill whole grain wheat bread that I use for toast or sandwiches. My downfall is other types of bread, like cinnamon raisin bread (toasted with peanut butter!) garlic bread, muffins, the bread basket at restaurants, etc.

As far as sweets, I think I might have to go the cold turkey route.

Thanks!
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Old 10-14-2010, 03:14 PM   #15
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Quote:
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If you keep telling yourself you are hopeless than you are entering into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
SOOO agree!! Try to stay positive and tell yourself YOU CAN do this and you will!!!!!

I'd highly recommend measuring yourself (bust, waist, thighs, arms, hips) and even if you see a 1 pound loss some weeks you can measure and SEE the difference! One week I lost like 2 1/2 pounds and was kinda bummed until I measured my waist and saw that I lost 2 inches that week!!! I think that is just as good if not better than seeing a difference on the scale! That might help with motivation and feeling like you can do it, if you're seeing the number on the scale go down AND seeing inches lost!

Last edited by LindseyLou : 10-14-2010 at 03:16 PM.
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