Ok, so since this forum is so great and open and honest and really helps me, I figured I would kind of ask a hard and difficult question. I posted this earlier, but don't know if it got automatically deleted, or if I messed up and didn't really finish the posting process (which seems way more likely),
I know that so many of us fight every day to have people realize that we are real, live, human being, and that we deserve to be treated as such. I am sure that most of us practice a lot of restraint when people give us unsolicited diet and weightloss advice---almost as if they expect us to be unhappy with our weight---a lot of us are, but there are also a lot of us out there who are not.
But despite our eagerness to fight for full acceptance, how many of us sometimes give into what society tells us about the obese?
I will be honest, there have been many times when I see a fellow morbidly obese woman walking down the street, and sometimes, if I think her walking looks like it is hard for her, I will feel bad for her. I may weigh less than her (which is often how I think, but in reality, I probably don't, and there is a good chance I weigh more), but I still know that walking long distances isn't as relaxed and easy as it is when I weigh under 300lbs. I feel bad for the women I see like that, especially more when they are having the same fashion problems I have, etc.
Something happened last weekend, and it made me do a lot of thinking about why I think that way. I was driving and saw a chunky (probably not morbidly obese, maybe only a tiny bit obese) woman eating food in her car. I often eat in my car, and I do feel self-conscious about it. But there is also a thrill of combining certain types of food and drink while driving...sort of like listening to your favorite cd in the car, but it not feeling the same listening to it on the stereo at home.
So, the young woman was eating something, and well, she carried a lot of weight in her face. Some people tend to carry more weight in their face than anywhere else, and they may be a lot lighter than me (she was probably 100lbs less than me), but just carry the weight differently. Something about seeing her eat made me feel....weird. Like, it seemed gluttonous. I didn't like the image. Sort of like seeing a very obese person compete in a food eating contest. It could be that I worry that I look the same way when I eat. (I have never done the eating food in the mirror thing---I honestly think it would gross me out). Where would I get that idea from? I mean, I understand maybe being a big snobbish and not liking someone eating fast food from a certain place, but why do I feel that if she were thinner, I wouldn't think twice about her eating?
I wonder how many of us, though we strive to be accepted, sometimes feel this way about our fellow overweight human. And I know it isn't right. I think it is something from society that we hear, and maybe internalize, and have to constantly make sure we don't give in to that way of thinking. I think be conscious that those kinds of thoughts pop in our heads may be a good way to recognize how we have let society affect us.
Ok, so has anyone else felt the same?