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I Am So Disappointed in Myself

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Old 04-13-2010, 10:15 PM   #1
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Default I Am So Disappointed in Myself

Right now, I really hate myself. I moved to a new area in January, and have gained five pounds since then. I'm not eating right, and I'm not exercising. I am so disappointed.

When I first moved here, I was excited for a new opportunity. I tried out all of the gyms in the area, but none had the equipment I used back home, and they were all twice as expensive (or more!) than my gym back home. So, for the first two months, I went home and worked out Fri-Sun. That helped me maintain my weight, but I wasn't losing any more. It became too expensive to go home every weekend. I joined a gym here for a month. At the end of the month, I didn't rejoin, because it was too frustrating not having the equipment I needed to work out. I text my trainer, and he told me to try P90X. I did it for a week, then hyperextended my elbow. I haven't worked out in two weeks, and I can tell a difference in my energy, my stamina, and my self-confidence.

I want to do something, but I don't know what to do. I really hate myself right now. I feel like a loser who is going to balloon back up and be miserable for the rest of my life. For the first time in a long time, I felt normal, and now I feel like I should just accept my fate as the fat girl.

To top it off, I'm miserable here. I have made one friend that I can hang out with, but she's busy most of the time. I try to go out and meet people, but I feel awkward going to places alone. I have tried to go out to eat, and now go to this one restaurant once a week, where I talk to the waitress for hours. It's a pizza joint, and it's not healthy at all. I keep trying to avoid it, but when I need to be sociable and my friend isn't available, I go there.

I know I'm complaining, and I've tried really hard for weeks to fight these feelings, but I can no longer do it alone. I need help, a reminder why I'm doing this in the first place.
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Old 04-13-2010, 10:25 PM   #2
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I can't offer you much help, but I can say that I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS! I will be moving 900 miles away from my home in two months to pursue my dream of singing country music...And I am frightened that I will end up in the same boat as you or worse. I am right there with you girl! Don't give up! Maybe join a book club?
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Old 04-13-2010, 10:32 PM   #3
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Oh, I wish I could! I am in the middle of nowhere. I live in the county seat, and most of the small towns around here come to my town for something to do. I moved from a large metro area, where anything I could think of to do was within a half hour drive. Now, most of the things I would want to do, I have to drive home, or farther to do them. I don't know if they even have book club around here. There is a Zumba class on Tuesday nights, but it was full tonight, so I'm going to try again next week. I don't even know where to go to find out about social activities around here.
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:02 PM   #4
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Yeah that does sound tough...May I ask why you moved there? I am moving from New York City, so anywhere I go is going to be super boring...
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:07 PM   #5
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I moved here for a job in my career field. I couldn't find anything back home, and this was the first job I was offered after being unemployed for eight months.
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:09 PM   #6
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I'm sorry your going through this .. try not to beat yourself up to badly over it .. it'll take some time to get into a the swing of things .. did you try doing a google search of activies in the area your living?? just a thought i hope things get better for you **hugs**
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:31 PM   #7
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I feel you. I moved 8 hours away from home 2 years ago, and it's still hard. The gym and church were the places I found to make some friends. I tried lots of other things, namely work and volunteering, but that's what worked for me. Try long walks around your neighborhood- do you have a dog you can take around? If church isn't your thing, see if there's a place you can help out - a food bank or a united way or a non profit somewhere that is meaningful to you.
Why you're doing this in the first place? I can think of lots of reasons - but you're the reason you're doing this in the first place, why you've lost almost 40 pounds. What are they?
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Old 04-14-2010, 07:07 AM   #8
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I takes a while to establish yourself and a social network. Please don't get too discouraged. Things will turn around!
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Old 04-14-2010, 07:38 AM   #9
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Transitions and changes are stressful. I am sorry the gyms were you live now aren't what you want. Maybe - try to find new things you like to do for exercise....cd's, powerwalking, zumba, yoga. Check out all the possibiities you can.

btw- congrats on your wonderful weight loss and finding a job!
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:33 AM   #10
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I've moved 13 times in the past 20 years, mostly for the job. Here are a few suggestions..

1. Go to the library. They have book clubs there and often signs for social events.
2. Join a class. It doesn't have to be an exercise class. I will say that making friends in any class is hard - people tend to come, do whatever, and leave. But at least it'll get you out of the house.
3. Check out meetup.org - they have a bunch of things like movie night, etc. that might be better for meeting people.

It takes a while to start feeling settled - six months or so. Don't beat yourself up. Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do.
I don't know what to say about the workout. I have the wiiFit, and now it streams Netflix so you might be able to stream workout videos and use the EA activity game, which is supposed to be good.

Let us know how it goes..
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:42 AM   #11
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I know how you feel. When I got married I moved from NC to Florida where I did not know anyone and my husband traveled 5 days a week.

Just remember as far as eating and exercise you next chance is always with next bite you take. Can you find something to do that does not include upper are movements until your are heals. I am at the opposite end with torn tissue in my foot so I have had to find exercises that have very little weight bearing.
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Old 04-14-2010, 09:12 AM   #12
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Give yourself some time. It will probably take awhile for you to adjust to this big move. I moved 500 miles from home a long time ago and I remember the adjustment well. I made most of my new friends through church and volunteering.
I want to second the suggestion of Meetup. My daughter has had more recent experiences with moving as her husband is transferred often. She meets other young mothers through MeetUp. The first time she joined an established group but after her second move, she started a group through Meetup. Check it out to see if you can find some group with similar interests but if you can't, start one.

For inexpensive gyms, check with the local hospitals and the county's recreation department.

Hang in there. It will get better!
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Old 04-14-2010, 09:29 AM   #13
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I agree... you definitely should start writing stuff down and counting calories. It seems so tedious and frustrating at first but once you get into the swing of it... it really becomes like second nature. Especially once you find the things that you enjoy and remember the numbers, etc.

Good luck.... and don't get down on yourself... just fix it and keep goin!
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Old 04-14-2010, 11:05 AM   #14
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Just give it some time - maybe you could join some classes rather than just going to the gym. Sometimes that is a great way to meet people.
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Old 04-15-2010, 01:21 AM   #15
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Oooh, sounds hard. BUT, you were stressed and you were unhappy, and so you turned to you old friend Food for comfort. It's not surprising. It's not a good way of coping, but it's what you know. You now have the hard job of learning to deal with the curve balls life throws you without overeating.

It sounds like you find being lonely difficult. Lots of people have given you advice on how to make friends, but you also need to come up with a coping mechanism for when you feel down. Call your mum? Go to the movies? Rent a movie? Hang out on line? Baths? Tea? Shop? Is there anything you've always wanted to do but haven't had time? Do that!

And I know it's not fair that the exercise isn't working, but this is the reality you are in. Keep exploring options until you find something that works for you. You could do anything! Have you done couchto5K? It doesn't need any equipment. Buy a bike? Buy the equipment you want and set up a home gym and then hire a trainer. Because not exercising? That isn't an option.

And don't use guilt or shame to motivate yourself, it just backfires. You aren't a terrible person, you just have some bad habits that you can change.
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