I'm so glad you posted this. I love the responses. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because you have nailed it for me. I have moments where I am scared-- scared I can't lose anymore, scared I won't maintain, scared I will put it all plus more back on.
Don't get me wrong. I think I have sustainable plans. More often than not, I feel good about what's going on. But it is nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way every now and then.
It took me awhile to accept I could be a truly slender person.
When I started at 200 lbs, my goal was to lose 50 lbs and weigh 150. That seemed reasonable and doable.
When I reached 150, the weight was still coming off steadily and I wasn't 100% happy with how I looked.
Imagine my surprise when I ended up at 130! All my life, I had thought I was a big girl, big boned, with a bad metabolism, a history of family obesity - just destined to be a big, fat girl. At 5'7", I always felt built like a linebacker, an amazon woman.
When the fat started to melt off, I discovered I had the exact same body shape as my tiny, 115 lb mother. The same little ribcage, the same legs, the same narrow shoulders, visible collarbones, tiny wrists and petite ankles.
It was such a surprise, my entire mental picture had to be rebuilt with my new reality.
I'm another who is wary and worried about maintenance. Part of me wants to wait until I get there and just take on a new challenge. I have also thought about taking a break of several months when I reach my intermediate goal of 169 to practice maintenance. Then tackle the remaining pounds....
Please feel free to join us in the Maintainer's Forum at any time!
I was at my goal weight for about 5 minutes 10 years ago. So I can't say that I can't see myself getting there. What I can't visualize is living there long term. Logically I know there is no reason why I can't if I set my mind to it. But creating the image in my mind and holding on to it has proved difficult. And it's pure fear, I know. I've got such a deeply ingrained image of me being the fat girl and I need to recreate myself in my mind.
All of my life I've focused on the end result when dieting, measuring my progress by how close to goal I was getting.
As a result, maintaining the loss I already had managed was always still "failing" if I wasn't moving closer to the ultimate goal. I felt like a failure more often than a success.
When I was 13, and weighed 225 lbs my doctor prescribed an amphetemine diet pill. By junior year I wasn't taking the diet pill any longer (they'd stopped working long before) and was struggling just to maintain my weight loss (I'd gotten to 155 lbs, and my goal was 150). I was yoyoing around that 150, and my doctor decided to change my goal weight to 140. I suspect he thought it would "motivate" me. It had the opposite effect, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I was now 15 lbs "further" from my goal rather than just 5. Not only did the new goal seem impossible, because I measured success only by how close I wasw to goal, I didn't see any way for me to succeed. I was only 16 or 17, so I didn't have the maturity to look at the success I'd already accomplished. I saw only my failure and the likelihood (it seemed) that I would never see success.
I kick myself even today (because I was a very smart kid. My IQ measured at Mensa level, for Gosh sake) that I wasn't smart enough to decide that regardless of what the doctor said 155 was worth maintaining even if I never reached 140 or even 150.
I didn't learn my lesson until THIS attempt, that every pound loss was a success. I don't have to worry about whether I will eventually lose all the weight I would like to. Every pound lost is a success - no matter how long it's taken me to achieve . Another mind game I find a hard habit to break, is thinking that my weight loss doesn't "count" as much as someone whose losing those pounds quickly. If the message wasn't coming only from myself it would be bad enough, but I get the same harsh message loud and clear from many outside sources (family, friends, other dieters, acquaintences, doctors, magazines, books, television) - only fast weight loss is admirable weight loss.
Most people don't find a loss of 5 lbs (especially when you start with more than 250 to lose), very impressive (even to those who have never done it themselves). I think everyone assumes "well anyone could do that," and losing the 5 lbs is easy, it's maintaining it that is a lot harder, and most dieters don't do that. If you know the statistics, maintaining a 5 lb loss for 4 years is VERY impressive.
I impress the heck out of myself when I realize that I've gone 6 years without a significant gain; that I've maintained a 20 lbs loss for about 4 years; a 50 lb loss for about 2 years, and an 80 lb loss for several months.
My husband and I are just starting to get a little respect from our families about our weight loss, because we've each lost about 80 lbs now. Though we have family members on both side who keep pushing us towards gastric bypass surgery because "it would be so much quicker," even though we've explained every time the reasons our doctors have discouraged us from the surgery.
"Oh I'm sure you could find a doctor willing to do the surgery," we're told. They don't get that we agree with our doctors that the risks outweigh the benefits of the surgery for us. We do not believe that being fat is worse than being dead.
My mental state has much improved since I've chosen to focus on how far I've come, rather than how far I have left to go (and when or whether I'll get there).
I don't have to have confidence in the next 275 lbs, only the next one. And on days when I don't have confidence in the next pound, I can have confidence in maintaining the loss I've already achieved. Even on my worst day, I do have confidence that I can maintain the loss I've already achieved. I realize that's something I never had before. I never looked or thought to maintenance, only loss. Now my prime focus is maintenance and further weight loss is a side benefit (but each pound I've lost, hasn't yet shaken my confidence that I can maintain that loss too).
I don't know where I'll end the weight loss, and it really doesn't matter. I only have to be confident in the current and next pound. If I focus on that, everything else will fall into place without my worrying about it.
Wow here I was thinking I was the only one that felt this way... There is no way I can loose 100lbs. And last year I proved myself that. I started back in September 2008 and all I was telling myself is you can do it loose that 100lbs and did great until last march and it got to be too much and I couldn't see the end of the 100lb. So I gained 20 lbs back and got to be discourage again about my weight my clothes got tight and some I couldn't wear again. But I am back on the wagon now since january 4th and I have a new look I am only looking at loosing 5 lbs at a time. The way I see it now is that I can't loose 100lbs but I can sure loose 5lbs 20 times. So hope this change of mind sticks with me but so far so good. And I am so happy and makes me feel better when I hear that i am not the only one feeling this way.
I think this is such an important way to look at it. Most of us have yoyo dieted. Most of us are REALLY GOOD, experts even, at losing 5, 10, or 20 lbs. Most of us have done it over and over and over. I've lost 20 lbs at least 5 times before - I've just gained it back (and more!) in between. I know I can lose 100 lbs because I've done it before - just not all at the same time. So, that's a good way for me not to worry about the weight loss. There's no doubt I can do it - I've done it. I have nothing to prove in that regard. I need to start looking ahead and thinking about maintenance. I've got a lot of time to think about it, which is good, because it deserves a lot of attention. I read on the maintainers forum all the time to see what struggles they're dealing with so I can get my head around what I'm going to be dealing with. I'm trying to think ahead to what other fitness/health goals I can focus on when the weight itself is gone - because I get a rush right now when the scale drops, and I won't be getting that rush anymore when the I'm at goal.
I never believed I could lose as much as I have. I thought getting to 150 would be amazing. It was, but once I got there I just kept doing the same thing and I kept dropping. Once I hit 165 the weight loss slowed way down. I just kept doing the same things I had before and let the weight settle where it would. I still have a hard time seeing myself as normal size. A friend referred to me as "very small" in conversation, not long ago. She said it in a matter of fact way, but it really struck me that she thinks of me that way. It's a lot to wrap your mind around while you are losing, not knowing where you will end up. It continues after the weight is gone, but I'm getting used to it Don't worry too much, just keep plugging away. I'm 45 and it was slower than it is for some of the younger ones, but it is still very doable.
Now I am standing on the threshold of onderland and am trying to peak inside. I have no doubt that I will get below 200 for the first time in over 30 years. I am losing so slowly that it may take awhile but I will get there. However, I do have doubts that I can get to my "no longer obese" goal of 163 and to get to a "normal" weight of 135 certainly seems far fetched. Maybe I just don't have that good of an imagination or maybe I have a little devil sitting on my shoulder.
Oh yes! This is exactly how I feel!
I feel like I have to fight for every pound now, and so I can't imagine what it will be like when my BMI is down into the overweight range.
On the other hand, I've just gotten to the point of getting down out of plus sizes.... I'm just a shade too big for normal sizes, but plus sizes are almost too big, and so shopping in normal stores makes me aware of how big I am all over again, but it also makes me feel like the best size to be would be some normal size, like a 12. So, never say never.
I'm NOT afraid I'm going to give up. I feel like I'm just convalescing from a LONG ILLNESS. Morbid obesity absolutely sucks.
I'm pretty discouraged right now. I feel like I'm going to be stuck here forever; I can't even seem to lose a pound a week, and that's with daily exercise, a healthy diet, and supportive husband. I'm so much slimmer than I *was*, but I have so far to go still. I saw some Before pictures two nights ago. In fact, they were "the" pictures that made me decide to lose the weight in the first place. Maybe I should print them out and do something special with them for my low moments...
When I got to 208 three years ago I still thought I was hugely fat. Even though I dated some very good-looking guys, I was convinced they went out with me because I have a "good" personality, and could not see that they were attracted to me physically as well.
In fact, although lack of necessary meds was a factor, one man being NOTICEABLY physically attracted to me (he was married, very hot, and my neighbor, plus I was friends with his wife) started the first binges that resulted in my current weight today. I gained back ALL of the weight. Every single pound. I think now that I had a psychological hang-up about the 200 mark. I was convinced that no one could be attracted to me until I got there, and having some unwanted attention made it all to clear how close my goal was.
The situation was not helped by my bf, who, having lost 70 lbs. himself, made many disparaging remarks about men and women who were the sizes I had been previously on my journey down. Now, being this weight, and having him still attracted to me has been reassuring. It sucks that I had to put back on my fat-shelter (I feel safer if I don't have too much male attention, yet get depressed if I don't get SOME!?) to know that I am okay at any weight, but here it is, and hopefully I will not have the same problems this time.
Last edited by eratosthanes; 02-16-2010 at 04:19 PM.
I feel like may never reach my goal all the time. However I have no idea why I feel this way. My weight loss has been steady and it really hasn't slowed. But sometimes getting to goal still seems impossible. I think it's mainly because I've never been small, and for me being "small" just seems impossible.
I know IT IS possible, I know it is. I can't wait to believe it!
I'm currently stalled at 260, but I know that this is because I haven't been sticking to plan as well as I could. I usually stall at 240 no matter what I do, so yes, I can get pretty discouraged. I'm hoping to pass that mark this time, and show myself I can do it.
My mini goals help me get over this fear. I even set my ticker for whatever mini goal I'm currently working on. So right now, I'm full force heading for 199. Once I reach that, I'll move on to the next one.
I don't doubt that I can maintain it at all. There's no room in brain for that fear. I have enough fears without that one. I definitely doubt myself often, but I've found that every day gets easier as I realize that what I am doing is not that hard. I can sustain this and I must in order to maintain what I've already lost. That's so key for me. Just like Kaplods, I never thought anything less than goal was worth maintaining. Now I get it. I GET IT!
Don't worry too much, just keep plugging away. I'm 45 and it was slower than it is for some of the younger ones, but it is still very doable.
