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Old 06-04-2009, 02:15 PM   #1
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Default listen all y'all its a sabotage..

So next Friday I'm going away on vacation with my brother and his family. This is the brother that I'm really close to and he is definitely also one of my best friends. He is a great person, but if history repeats itself, I think he will unconsciously try to sabotage my weight loss efforts...

Mike has struggled with his own weight/ boozing issues and I know that he will definitely want to party and go out pretty much every night we are there. He seems so proud and happy of what I've accomplished, but he also seems like he is offended when I tell him I don't really want to drink too much or eat the huge breakfast he will be making [Mike used to be a chef and pretty much every morning he will make huge omelettes with homefries, sausage, toast, etc. etc.].

I don't think he is doing it on purpose. I think he likes to cook and likes to go out and drink and he feels like I'm just not being any fun or perhaps not appreciating the things he is doing. I'd like to figure out a way to tell him that I appreciate it, but I need to not go out drinking and I need to eat healthy. To him, vacation is about partying it up and to me, I just want to go and hang out on the beach and enjoy the weather.

So how to you deal with people in your liife (friends and family members) who might unconsciously be trying to sabotage your weight loss efforts?
Height: 6'2
Starting weight/ Current low weight/"redline" weight
Total: 267.6 pounds.

I will do the Komen 60 mile walk for breast cancer again this year!!
Next goal is 175: Pounds from goal = 4.2.
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:22 PM   #2
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i'm the sort of person who see's one option. there is a negative i.e just accept it. but the only option you have is to make a stand set your position.

yes you may hurt his feelings but you should be more important in your life. and lets face it if he's struggled with his weight and is family he may have the hump for a bit but will come round
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:33 PM   #3
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All my close friends are booze hounds (some may be verging on having issues, but that's a whole other subject) and it's been really hard for me to cut down on the drinking for my diet (and health) when I'm around them. They get upset if they don't think I'm keeping up with them. What I've been doing is having one drink and putting tons of ice in it, or lots of diet mixer in a large glass and basically nurse it all night. As long as I have a glass in my hand that's somewhat full, they leave me alone. Also, I'll get a tall glass of ice water, put a lime in it and pretend it's a g&t. You're hydrated and your friends think you've got a huge drink. Anyway, that's what works for me.
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:41 PM   #4
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I hate that feeling of being out of step with a former eating partner. If they are working on their health and you're not, there is a jealousy/resentment factor that is hard to control even if you are very proud of them.

I know you can stick to your plan on your own, but what if you enlist his help for your trip? For example, "Mike, you are a great chef, I could really use your help this week in cooking some healthy meals." Sometimes it's just about wanting to know the person still needs you in their life - that your relationship is built on more than just the food.
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:43 PM   #5
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Hey Matt,
As far as the drinking, I think StringBean had the right idea, I had this problem a few weekends ago, I was stressesd about it. No one really checked to see what was in my glass, so I took the watiress aside, explaned for dietary reasons, I couldn't drink, but would she please bring me a high ball class with water and lime, looks like gin and tonic, no one cared. I also tipped her very well. This was just easier than making explanations at least until I am strong enough to deal with it in another way.
As far as the food, if I am feeling strong, I just take some and move it around my plate. My Mom is still mad at me that I didn't eat potao salad last weekend.
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:49 PM   #6
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Divorce them.

Oh but seriously. Um it all starts with this sentence, "You know what respect means? Respect means I have the freedom to be myself, and I give you the freedom to be you. So when it comes to all this eating like Jabba the Hutt on a bender, you do you, and I'll do me".
bljeghbe' chugh vaj blHegh- Klingon for Surrender or Die

Weight Jan 2006- 257 lbs
Current weight-202.8 (5'7 1/2)
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Old 06-04-2009, 03:01 PM   #7
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I think that the water and lime are a great idea for the boozing problem. For the breakfast, OMG... my mouth started watering just thinking about it. That is a major downfall for me, big egg/meat/potato breakfasts. Fortunately for me, I'm the one who cooks, so I don't make it. Anyway, in your case, maybe if you talk to him and tell him that you don't want to hurt his feelings (or is that too girly?), but you also can't eat like you used to and you'd like to eat healthier.

Would that work?
This time, I'm going to be stronger, I'm not giving in. - Rudimental
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Old 06-04-2009, 03:11 PM   #8
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Maybe just eat a bit and be like OMG this is so good and filling, I can't possibly eat another bite? Then stop eating. OR make sure to get some workouts in while you are there to minimize any "damage."

As for drinking out heck just lie and said you went to the doctor and he told you cut down on the alcohol- say your liver enzymes were off last time you went lol. If he knows nothing about biology he might go ooh okay.

Sometimes little white lies are best to avoid bad situations.
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Old 06-04-2009, 03:30 PM   #9
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I'm new here, but just my one cent........

Why not attempt to circumvent the issue by being the one to plan out events? If you're going to stay in and cook, why not tell him that you'd really like to surprise him by being the one to cook for him for once?

Or maybe...since he was a chef...ask him to show you some great low-fat, low-calorie recipes. Give him a chance to share his knowledge and impress you that way...make him feel good about that!!

Instead of going out drinking, plan some alternative event that can be just as fun for you and his family? (I assume when you say "his family" he has kids? Is there something fun all of you can do together that doesn't include drinking?
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Old 06-04-2009, 04:02 PM   #10
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I would keep up the image of participating as much as you're comfortable with. Ordering water with lime seems like a good idea. As far as the breakfasts go, I would probably eat what he cooked, but not much of it, and tell him a couple of times how good it is. These shared experiences of eating and drinking are obviously his way of showing you he loves you and wants to have (what in his mind is) a good time. So I would participate as much as I could, while still sticking to your plan.

The other thing is, if he seems offended at some point, I would just say, "You seem offended" and see where he takes it from there. You might end up clearing the air.
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Old 06-04-2009, 04:24 PM   #11
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People have given lots of good strategies. For the food, here are a couple:

1. One plate only. No side plates, no seconds.
2. Limit the serving of things like potatoes, and skip the toast.
3. Eat really slowly--no front-loader feeding!

And, it helps to have some responses ready. More suggestions--always say these with a smile!

"Why aren't you eating more?"
You: Gosh, that's about as much as I can eat right now! It sure is good!

"Have some more of this X!"
You: No thanks--I've had enough for now.

"For cryin' out loud, you're on vacation!"
You: My body doesn't know the difference, so I just eat what I know is best and stop when I want. I'm having a great time!

"Is that ALL you're gonna have??? After I slaved all (morning/evening/day)???"
You: Oh--I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt. I didn't mean to cause a problem, I just don't want to eat more than this. But man, you outdid yourself!

"Come ON have another drink!"
You: No, I'm fine with this. (OR) I think I want plain soda this time--I'm kind of thirsty. (OR) Wow, I think I'm already over my limit.

Another strategy: Make sure you have things you need at his house, and if you don't, make a trip to the store. Things like plain soda, weight-loss-friendly snacks, etc.

And most important, don't let these sorts of pressures make you avoid being with your brother. Be with him and tell jokes and stories and laugh and have a good time.

"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

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Old 06-04-2009, 04:43 PM   #12
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I would sit down and talk to him about it. Let him know that you dont nor can you do that anymore. Instead of blowing up at him one day because he never got the hint. You know?

I got this!

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Old 06-04-2009, 05:10 PM   #13
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I have that song in my head now thanks

With people trying to sabotage....I have called out every single family member or friend that has tried doing it to me. I reached a certain point and just had enough. Some had no clue they were doing it and some fessed up that they were a bit jealous of my determination. It really did open up communication with them and the ones closest to me got a lot closer

"The most exciting, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself."

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Old 06-04-2009, 05:59 PM   #14
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For the drinking: say your doctor put you on antibiotics (don't even give them a fake reason, just stop it there.) You can't drink when you're on antibiotics. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic, and when he was first starting out in sobriety, he used that excuse at weddings. Nobody questioned it.

Started on March 13, 2009

First Mini-Goal: Reach 264 pounds Done! 5/14/9
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Old 06-04-2009, 06:03 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Lachelle View Post
For the drinking: say your doctor put you on antibiotics (don't even give them a fake reason, just stop it there.)
I'm not arguing, I just don't get it - that's not a fake reason?

But I'm glad that excuse works for some. I think I'd then be fielding additional rude questions about why I was on antibiotics!
Started 4/14/08 LINK TO PROGRESS PICS 1/1/2009
"It is impossible to live pleasurably without living wisely, well, and justly, and it is impossible to live wisely, well, and justly without living pleasurably" Epicurus
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