I would have to disagree with this advice. Do you really want to be the diva that called and asked them to change their plans to accomodate you when they barely know you? I seriously would not do that.
I don't think trying to swing it your way - or at least into an option - is being a diva. It is an option, that's all I was saying.
A lot of us seem to do a lot of accommodating for others when it comes to our eating and all I'm saying is, if it's that important to you - that you absolutely do not want to go off plan - then you may have to do something tough to make that happen.
I don't think it's being a diva at all. I mean, if you had allergies and were gluten intolerant people would understand. They just don't see dieting or even just eating healthily in the same light, when for many people, it has to be.
So, I guess I would try and come up with a medical reason not to eat whatever. I might cite fact that I get really bad heartburn, or pretend that I'm getting my cholesterol checked on the Monday.
And feel free to order a plate without stuff. The restaurant surely won't care if you say you don't want the fries or the bread, and if anyone says anything, just say you'll steal some from hubby as you don't need your full serve.
Good luck. It's ridiculous that there is nothing remotely healthy on the menu.
I dunno, I've had my own grandmother be outrageously cruel to me about my weight (when I was a young teenager and she was repulsively obese, I might add), and then ten minutes later, accuse me of being wasteful and rude for objecting when my aunt loaded my plate for me at dinner, with easily six scrambled eggs smothered in cheese and half a pound of sausage patties. I'm happy for people whose families are supportive and willing to make considerations and small changes like that, but I have to say that my extended family was no help whatsoever in that department. I was made to feel "uppity" and ungrateful for trying to curtail my eating while in their presence. Oh, and EVERYTHING had gravy on it in that house, too, my grandmother made gravy out of fried bologna once. I only heard about that one, mercifully, I wasn't there to suffer through it.
I heartily agree with the idea to piece together a meal off the side dishes list if possible, and certainly ask for a takeout container to be brought with the meal.
You're not a weirdo at all, and frankly, I'm very disgusted that restaurants are offering dishes like that, and people wonder why us Americans are all so fat.
I don't want to hate on the Midwest or anything, but in California (where I am from and where I live), you'd *never* see that on menus. It's just depressing to me to see such unhealthy foods being offered, it's almost encouraging people to be obese and overweight.
My best bet would be to get a side dish, or to eat something before, or make an excuse like you can't handle dairy or anything fried because of a sour stomach.
This might sound disgusting, but my sister does this to handle portion control. After she's done eating but still has food left, and there isn't a server in sight, she dumps her water on the food to spoil it. Of course, people could see this as very rude and I don't suggest it. What I would suggest is to exercise portion control, get a lower calorie option like pizza and then when you're done either give it to someone else (like totally remove it from your presence) or signal the server ASAP and have it taken away.
I would go for the simplest option: identify who among the 10 rellies is the main host, go to the restaurant and tell the host you're so pleased they've invited you and you're going to have a great time in their company but for health reasons you have to eat a very restricted menu, and Please, will they not be offended and think you're ungrateful but you will be eating small portions.
You don't have to specify the health reasons, just say your doctor has advised you.
You don't have to order and spoil food or lie.
You can reassure them from the start that you're not some snotty cow who's ungrateful for their offer of a treat but someone who's gone there ready to enjoy yourself within what your medical situation can allow you to eat.
I admire your dedication to staying on plan! I'm more in the relax and enjoy yourself side.
Since I'm a quiet person, I wouldn't say anything unless someone comments or asks. I'll just hope noone would be rude enough to ask or just won't notice if I eat only half of something.
You said the one place's only non red meat option is a 12oz piece of chicken.. that's atleast 2 portions and I'm not sure if I could even eat that much protein, with pasta in a cream sauce in one sitting, so I don't think it would look unusual if you didn't eat the whole thing.
The other places say no substitutions, but I'm sure you can ask for the sauces on the side, ask them to go lightly on the sauces and dressings, or take something out and just say you are allergic. I'm sure if you say you are allergic they will make substitutions for you.
Restaurants and servers generally want the customer to be happy, so they get a good tip and so you keep coming back and spread a good word about their restaurant, I wouldn't stress over it too much. If worse comes to worse, just eat half.
Normally I would get one and eat just a couple oz of it -- which would look like I ate nothing, whatever -- but this time it is a smaller group where we are being treated (we have kind of been 'tacked on' because we're in town). Very obvious, probably pretty rude.
First, I think you have to ask yourself if you want to go to this event. If you want to get to know these people and share in their celebration, then I would go. If not, don't.
I don't think it's rude to order something and only eat a bit of it. I don't think these people are going to be scrutinizing your plate, and if they've never spoken to you I would be shocked if they actually said something to you.
If none of these restaurants offer baked potatoes or side salads, (which I find shocking) I would just order something, eat a few bites and keep the conversation going. I would also try not to stress about it. You'll find a way to handle the situation.
I don't say, "it's only one meal," and anyway, it's not -- it's easily 4 dinner's worth to me.
I *do* understand not saying "it's only one meal". For once in my life i am at a place that i can say that and mean it but the rest of my ENTIRE life it would be the beginning of a slide that could last a year, literally.
You could always get something that's breaded and scrape off the breading, scatter that food around so it looks like you ate more than you did (a lesson learned from watching kids with some veggies... lol). Ultimately, what is most important is that you come to a decision YOU can live with. I do like the migraine claim someone suggested too.
Me23, you were helpful because that's what I'll do if all other options don't pan out!
Blackie, my mother-in-law is great but she's also kind of loud about stuff so I keep it quiet. She sent out an email fwd the other day about my sister-in-law's food likes and dislikes re: the gathering. I know my sister-in-law doesn't sanction these and I gotta say, reading it sent my husband and I rolling around with laughter.
I will post an update when we get back next week, though.
Barefootnikki, me too, with the previous slides ... that's exactly how it was for me. I tell myself that it wouldn't be the case anymore and I really believe it wouldn't happen (reading others' stories and mentally preparing for shrugging off the eventual mistake helps). But I know that's part of why I get anxious.
Thanks for the ideas and commiserating, you guys. I figure, there's still a significant chance that we end up at Outback, or an Italian place with pizza, and I can get some dish that's fine to eat half of, or some slice of pizza. If it's one of these weirder places, ah well, I will look to the sides and other ideas given here.
I am really looking forward to the trip overall; we are planning to spend some time in a nearby large city where we briefly lived. Visit all the old favorite places.
On another food note, I am actually really excited about going out for frozen custard while we're there, because there is this kind of famous place that we used to love. Daily plate said 1 serving (1/2 cup of custard) is 200 cals. The small/medium/large sizes are big but there is a mini/'kiddie' size that is only a little bit more than 2 servings, so while we are visiting we are going to go out for custard and I'm going to enjoy half of a kiddie size. Sounds funny when I write it, but hey, I didn't make the portion sizes and I'm excited about going out for frozen custard.
First off, for the dinner I was thinking of, it was changed last minute to a different night and time, when 4 of us had already snagged a pizza to share when we were downtown catching up that evening (veggie, I had 1.5 pieces). We were encouraged to show up at the restaurant circa 10 p.m. anyway, for "coffee and dessert" -- to at least get to see everyone -- and happily did so. There was no coffee/dessert, but I ordered a 3oz glass of chardonnay to nurse and had a nice time socializing.
Secondly, this restaurant was one of the dire ones I'd looked up, one of the few restaurants in an area. I was saying I'd never seen a menu so ridiculous and panic-inducing .... that's because only about 1/5 of the huge menu was on their website -- the pasta dishes. It was an otherwise normal menu and in my short on-site look at it, I noticed that there appeared to be several things I could've gotten if plans hadn't changed and we had all eaten dinner there.
The trip was great, the 50th anniversary party -- reason we were going -- was wonderful and very moving, a once in a lifetime experience, truly. The rest of the food stuff was really a non-issue, which is not the case in my other familial/group experiences at all. I guess I was gearing up because with my family, food and what everyone's eating is such a bigger part of everything. Not to knock my family; the food is in fact better with them as they are thoughtful foodies, but it was just so incidental at these particular in-law events and the pressure I have had before was just not there.
I knew this was the case with my immediate in-laws, because I've been with my husband for 11 years now, but I didn't know it would be like this with all the aunts, cousins, etc. Nobody made a thing out of food and certainly nobody cared what I ate or didn't ate. My husband and I had a conversation on the trip home about this and he pointed out that however, there's no less obesity in his family. That's true. It's an interesting thing to analyze, but I am getting off topic ...
I had a great week for weight loss -- for some reason I was already down a lot from last monday's weigh-in even before we left on Friday. 4 lbs down now. Which will be a comfort for upcoming TOM, I suppose. Also, much like Christmas time, I was, in a way, better than usual on my calories/nutritional for this past Saturday and Sunday. I tend to be extra dutiful when I'm on alert for pitfalls? No cardio except for Monday, when we got a lot of touristy walking in, but I did bring my hand weights and did my sets in the hotel.
Oh, and all the female relatives who've seen me obese in recent years all made a point to say I looked great. It was the first thing my mother-in-law said, actually, that I lost a lot of weight, and everyone was very discreet and polite about it, pulling me aside to tell me how cute I looked. I really appreciated those compliments and frankly, I think I hadn't realized how much my looks had changed.
I'm SO glad it went well for you!! I know that so much of making food changes has to do with planning and knowing about options, but sometimes the planning itself can be paralyzing. And since this was a family thing, and a social thing, it had added pressures.
Oh, and coming back to add that we travelled with all our own stuff to cobble together breakfasts and lunches for the 5 days that we were away. Which was a lot of work in a way, but so worth it.
Before we left I hard-boiled eggs, shelled edamame, baggied ground flaxseed, packed paper plates, etc. We also had luna bars, apples, 100-cal ritz snack packs, yogurts, coffee, oranges, turkey and veggie sandwiches for dinner on the road ... very convenient and worth it later, because with bfast/lunch we were very busy on our trip and saved money/time.
Thank you so very much for posting how it went for you, was wondering how it went. I am so glad you had a good time. With all of that planning for your breakfasts and lunches, you probably saved money too. I am going on an over night trip this weekend and it is a great idea. Thanks again!
Scarlet
