I am so sorry that you aren't getting support. I think Rhonda said it SO well. These days my hubby and I go out for cookie dates at the coffee shop or a scoop of ice cream at the ice cream shop because I just can't stay away from these things being in the house.
Is there a way he can get cookies at lunch time away from home.
Janis, did you have that heart-to-heart with Hubby and ask for his help? Maybe if you explain the health reasons for losing the weight, he might become more supportive.
May I share my opinion on this? I hear so many women here talk about the fact that their families are not overweight and don't need to lose weight so they have no right to ask that the junk not be around them in the house. But, this is not just about losing weight. This is also about healthy eating. Our children and our Hubby's don't need that junk every day. Its unhealthy! As wives and mothers, we often put ourselves at the bottom of the list....if we even include ourselves on the list at all! For me, I've banned that stuff from the house. This is my safety zone...the one place in life where I'm not being bombarded by temptations at every turn. Willpower doesn't last. Planning and creating a safety zone works wonders for me. Now, we take the children out for an ice cream, we buy them an occasional candy bar as a treat. We occasionally buy one single bag of chips that they consume quickly....nothing sitting around in the pantry for a night time secret munchie session. They get McD's once a week. They aren't deprived, but they are eating a whole lot healthier these days...and that's one of my jobs as a Mom, right?
Very well said. This is pretty much the approach we have taken. I make sure and let them know it's not something they CAN'T eat rather it's something to eat every once in a while. I agree with the other that you probably need to talk to him about your intentions. What you hope to accomplish by eating healthier, how you hope to accomplish it and then tell him that you'd like to not have as much of that stuff around to tempt him. Tell him you don't mind him eating the food just not in front of you. Many men may feel helpless if their women start losing weight. They feel that you may leave them if you get skinny or whatnot. He may have fears of you losing weight that really need to be discussed. Communication is key.
Thank GOD my husband has to lose a lot of weight as well... I don't know WHAT I would do if I was going this alone and couldn't tell him "that's NOT coming in our house anymore" He's losing at about half my pace, so I know he's cheating during the day (he works 2 jobs) but at least I know when it comes to dinner at night and the snacks around the house, he can't do any more additional damage.
I agree with Rhonda---- my home is the only safe place I can be where I know I can keep the temptations at bay. My husband is able to eat only one or two cookies and put the rest away--- I am NOT able to to it. He gets upset and doesn't understand sometimes, which is why it just doesn't come in the house. That way we avoid the temptations and we avoid the arguments about "why can't you avoid the temptation?"
If you're lucky...sometimes over time they start to change. My mister could lose a few kilos - but he refuses to give up any food he loves. Although he's supportive of me, 'stuff' still comes into our home. Luckily, I'm not tempted by his baked junk foods.
This week something new happened.....he actually bought fruit instead of donuts! I nearly fell over! When quizzed, he said he noticed his pants were a bit snug so thought he'd make some different choices. (Is this REALLY my mister talking???!!!)
I think I also fall into a category where I'll have something on hand "just in case"... but what you've said got me thinking... Just in case what? Just in case I want some? Won't having it around the house be that much more of a temptation? If I was truly craving something I don't eat every day, why not just go out and buy a serving of it as a treat when I'm craving it, and not plan for a craving (and by that process create more cravings) by having it around tempting me!
This is ridiculous that this just dawned on me. >_< Oh boy, I have some work to do!
My husband used to be that way. "What makes the difference if you are overweight or not, I still love you." Which is great, don't get me wrong, but hearing that I have pre-diabetes and all the aches and pains I have, he is more supportive. He has a problem with the low-carb thing, but he's trying. He does all the cooking and he asks me now, is this going to work for you? There is junk in the house, but fortunately my teenage son eats everything so fast it's not here.
I guess I am the odd bird out here. I do understand and hear you that you are tempted by fresh-baked cookies. But, you are the one making this change, not him. If he wants to bake cookies, why shouldn't he? Marriage is a give and take. My dh sometimes does things for himself that I might not always like, but I do not own or control him any more than he owns and controls me. The bottom line is that you are the one who is making a choice to eat healthy. You are the only one who can open your mouth and eat a cookie. It might be hard (I know that it is!) but you are an adult and you are in charge of your life.
This past weekend, dh went to a local hamburger joint and picked up green chile cheeseburgers for himself and the kids. They ate them and enjoyed them. A green chile cheeseburger was not on my plan. I did not have one. Should the fact that I decided I did not want a green chile cheeseburger prevent everyone else from having one?
I doubt he's doing it to sabotage you. My guess is he just wanted to have some cookies. Is there a possibility you send some mixed messages? Do you tell him you don't want cookies and then you eat some when he makes them? If so, he might be confused about your plans. It probably has nothing to do with him not wanting to support you and everything to do with him wanting to eat a cookie.
Our changes are our changes....not everyone else's.
Now, you may have the sort of relationship where he is really making cookies for a nefarious purpose. I sincerely hope not.
My partner eats what she wants when she wants and I'm cool with it. I feel like she supports me and is encouraging, however she has to do her own thing.
Well, this morning those cookies were put in a container and I put them in his truck. I told him why and he understood. I am just starting over again with eating healthly and I dont need the temptations right now. And He is the one that told me to lose the weight. My snoring has become so bad, he has to sleep in another room. But that is not the reason I am going to get healthly again, I am doing it for me!
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm sure it doesn't help to hear this, but I am very blessed that my dh is completely supportive. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't. I wish you the very best.
I like the comments made here about also making changes for the entire family. Why allow our loved ones, they are, aren't they, make bad choices that affect their health while we are working on cleaning up our own? And, we shouldn't have to apologize for doing so.
I struggle with being at cross purposes with myself from time to time too. I just have days where I get sick and tired of being so disciplined and conscious about what I eat. On the other hand, had I done some of this work many years ago maybe it wouldn't be so hard to do today. Why would we want our children to suffer through what we have done? I would explain it to them in a way that they would understand that eating junk is just that ---eating junk.
I agree that we do need to allow our spouses or SO to make their own choices but on the other hand, would you allow your loved one to drink excessively or drive recklessly? I had been saying to my DH for months about his reckless driving and he brushed me off UNTIL he had his first accident, which he caused, and now has to appear in court. He wept about that. He is such a good man otherwise. I was being harpy, I know, but I didn't want something bad to happen. It's the same thing.
Just because your DH is skinny doesn't mean some day he might not have a stroke or heart attack based on what he eats. My Dad was skinny all his life. We used to joke that his four food groups was Cookies, Candy, Caffeine and Cigarettes. Then, he had a stroke. He quit smoking in three days while at the hospital. He now eats 1 c of ice cream instead of 1/2 gallon. He still loves his sweets but he limits them to treats. Well, he had to clean up his act at age 70 but he is now very healthy as a result. Skinny doesn't always mean healthy!
Lots of good comments here. I think we all know that there is no easy answer or solution to this. Hope you and I can both find a way to deal with this tricky situation.
We are not the only ones who need support!
