Vent, Rant, Ugh!
 

I babysit during the day. I watch a little boy whose dad works with my husband. Last week, the little boy's (I'll call him David) mom came in to drop him off and she was complaining about the nurse at the health department. She said that the nurse went on about how David is overweight and not getting enough vitamins, etc. So, she chalked it up to the nurse being stupid and not liking David. So, I just listened. But, I could have told them the SAME thing as the nurse and I'm not anywhere near being a medical person.

All that they bring David to eat is either: A) Beans 'n weenies (he only eats the weenies) B) Ramen Noodles or C) Spagetti O's. For breakfast, all they ever send is cereal in which you can SEE the sugar coating on it. That's it...that's his menu when he's here 5 days a week!!! And, they never bring him milk because they said he won't drink it..... he'll only drink juice. They were so proud of this juice that they found him because it is 20% less sugar than other juices. But, I started wondering if he only drinks juice why isn't his poo runny ALL the time (I know my kids can only have a cup of juice of day or their diapers get runny) So, I inspected the package for the juice, I found that on there it says that there is less than 10% fruit juices in it. It's basically sugar water...but at least it's 20% less sugar. I know that the mom doesn't "cook" all they eat is boxed meals..... and I guess that if David doesn't eat what she makes, she gives him CHEETOS for dinner because that's all he'll eat sometimes!!!!! They don't even TRY to give him veggies because THEY don't like veggies. David is a full year younger than my son yet he weighs more. He doesn't get any vitamins (I know that sometimes Doctors can prescribe liquid vitamins for kids) and he's constantly sick. Yet, his parents get offended because someone implys that their son is a little overweight and needs more nutrients. They both (the parents) are trying to lose weight with WW.... and I know that WW is about eating healthy - but they don't try to get their son to eat healthy. Just because Cheetos is all he'll eat doesn't mean you should give him Cheetos. If he gets hungry enough, he WILL eat something other than the Cheetos.

Whatever I make my kids for lunch (I try my best to make them balanced meals.... fishsticks, carrots, bananas one day - baked chicken, broccoli with cheese, apples the next...or grilled cheese sanwiches, peas, peaches etc.) or breakfast (eggs, toast & all-fruit jelly or oatmeal) I'll try sitting some on David's tray before I give him any of his food. He won't even try ANY of it..... won't even look at it. But if I put his beans and weenies in front of him, he goes to town like a little oinker after those weenies, or Ramen Noodles (aka a couple of noodles with a salt shaker full of salt).......
They'll send him Graham Crackers for a snack.... now regular Graham crackers are fine... we give them to our kids every once in a while for a snack..... but David's graham crackers have actual sugar granules all over the top of them.... why? why not just regular graham crackers??? why do you have to get him the ones with the extra sugar all over the top of it????????

I know it's not Davids fault. But, I get so aggrivated and angry with his parents because they are setting him up to eat like this for the rest of his life. I KNOW how hard it is to be fat.... and I feel awful for him because that's where he's headed with his life. David's moms brother (Davids uncle) is well over 600 pounds, Davids Grandma is over 300 pounds. But, they just don't get it.

I want so badly to inform them of what they're doing to him.... but - I certainly don't want to offend them as they are our friends as well. I know that we aren't "perfect", but at least we realize what happens when you feed a kid stuff like that. The BEST time to teach a kid about veggies is when they FIRST start eating them..... I HATE sweet potatoes, but I sure as heck gave my kids all the sweet potatoes that they wanted when they were infants.... same goes with all the other veggies out there. Just because I don't a certain veggie doesn't mean I want my kids to follow suit.

Okay, I think that's all for now... I just had to vent.

It does amaze me how ignorant some people are of basic nutrition. My mom babysat the son of a thin, pretty, barbie-clone (with about as much brains). The boy was 4 when my mother started watching him. I was in college at the time and saw him a few times on weekends. The poor little guy was only about half the weight and 2/3 the height of other kids his age. Both of his parents were very tall, so this seemed a bit odd. And he was the only little kid that I'd ever seen with bags under his eyes.

My mom told me tons of stories but the one that stuck in my head was shortly after he was enrolled in all-day kindergarten. She would send him to school with one carton of low-fat yogurt (80-100 calories). He didn't eat it one day (gosh, I can't believe he wasn't hungry enough to eat the yogurt and the container) and forgot it at school. When she came to pick her son up in the evening, he told her about this, and she said "that's ok, you can eat it tomorrow." (Um, no refrigeration at school). She was dieting, and would have a salad for dinner, and so that's what he'd get too (with no protein on the salad).

I remember mom saying the woman told her that she couldn't believe the growth spurt in her son since she started bringing him. My mom isn't one to keep silent, so she gave the woman several earfuls over the years that she watched the boy. The woman dismissed it all, and thought that my mom was full of (well, you know) because my Mom was fat, so she certainly didn't know as much about nutrition as she thought. My mom stopped telling her what the boy ate during the day, because she'd just cut back on his dinner to "keep him from getting fat." He was so hungry at first, that he would beg for food all day, even after eating, and would hoard it by stashing it in his pockets for later.

Mom thought about calling social services once she figured it out, but by the time she realized what was going on, the boy looked pretty healthy (though still a little small) and Mom was afraid they wouldn't believe her, and the woman would get mad and just take the kid out of daycare and he wouldn't even get the decent lunch Mom gave him.

That's a tough one. David's health vs. alienating his mother. O the one side opening her eyes is important for David, but if in doing so she gets angry and moves on to someone who will agree with her that both the nurse AND her babysitter were speaking out of turn- it won't do anyone any good.

One small suggestion would be to see if you can make an arrangement with her to feed him whatever you are making for your children for his meals and snacks. (or you provide healthy alternatives to his sugary ones). Would she be willing to pay a bit more for you to provide the food? After a while you could mention how much he likes the apples & cheese for his snack, etc. Then it could be infused into a conversation about WW, healthy foods, and how he may like to eat the foods they are eating, (assuming they are eating proper foods and not just filling their points with junk too???)

Spaghittios just gross me out!!! I remember a boy my sister was babysitting and all they would send is a can of them every day.... his diapers were sooooooo gross... lol. ok ok enough of the repressed memories....

Good luck to you LondonJulz. I hopw you can wake those parents up soon.

Both of these stories are so sad! I had my own food battles with my parents as a teenager, but as I age and have a child of my own I'm *so* thankful that they taught us kids to eat balanced meals, and they never restricted how much we ate (well, except on treats).

Kim

That was why I try feeding him what our kids have for their lunches. I don't mind making extra if he'd eat it. My mom had actually suggested that, see if he'd eat what I made for my kids. It's like if it's not obviously coated in sugar or if it's any color other than "beans 'n weenies" beige - he won't even TRY it. I've tried putting stuff on a spoon and he clamps his mouth shut and turns his head. I've tried putting it on his tray so he could do it himself.... he just stares at it like "what on EARTH am I supposed to do with THIS?"
I doubt they'd pay me anymore than they already are. They don't have him in a regular daycare because it's too expensive (and because regular daycare wouldn't let him carry around his juice cup all day and constantly be drinking out of it...... I don't let him either, but they don't know that ;)) I'm fairly sure they don't eat salad and veggies. I think they just fill their points with junk food. Oddly enough, they were the ones that gave us their WW material once they were sure that they "had it all down".

I mean, don't get me wrong, we don't deprive our kids. If we go out for the day as a family - we'll go out and eat pizza or get a cheeseburger. They've had Rice Krispie treats and my son is as much of a fanatic about chocolate as I am. At my moms house, he and my mom would share ice cream. So, I'm not trying to be snooty... "my kids only eat foods that are NUTRITIOUS". Because they are kids, and like us, they get treats once in a great while. But, to me, does it not seem like a form of child abuse? Like Kaplods said about the little boy her mother watched.... it was obvious that his mother had a warped sense of nutrition with her son....not giving a child enough nutrients, vitamins, etc...... and raising them to become obese is really unfair to the child. He has no choice in it. Sure, if when he becomes a teenager and has a job and can buy his own mcdonalds, burger king, and krystals burgers..... that would be his decision... but right now, as a BABY (he's not 2 years old yet), these kids are completely dependant on mommy and daddy to make the right choices for them (in EVERYTHING...what they eat, drink, what they learn, etc)

On the other hand, I feel like an enabler because I feed him the things his mom sends him. And, I don't want to do that. So, do I just say "don't send him any food, I don't want to take part in raising your son to grow up fat"??? It kills me to have to open up another package of Ramen Noodles and let him eat them...slap a can of Spagetti-O's in the microwave for him) When I worked at daycare, mommy's couldn't send their baby's their lunches (except for infants who still ate babyfood). Lunches were made for the kids at the daycare center. If the kid didn't like what was on the days menu (including a cup of milk for lunch) and refused to eat it, then the kid just wouldn't eat. Simple as that.

So, if it comes down to it, I may just not watch him anymore. Luckily my kids don't beg to eat what David eats.

Maybe because I was a fat kid (well, after the age of 4), I think there are issues besides the risk of obesity. Not to diminish the concern over obesity, but I while I may have been overfed (or just underexercised), I wasn't undernourished. There are so many diseases of poor nutrition that he could be at risk for (rickets come to mind from lack of calcium).

One suggestion I can give, is rather than trying to encourage him to eat anything, is to subtly make his food less attractive than the good food the other kids are eating. It may sound kind of cruel, but just giving him his food with neutral emotions, but giving the other kids their foods as if they were special, amazing treats. "Let's all cheer for celery and light ranch dressing, Yeah!!!" Jealousy may encourage him to try some of the healthier snacks. This may work now or may take some time or work better when he's a little older, but by 3 it usually works wonders.

I spent a few years working in a daycare. The parents sent lunches, but were given a list of foods not acceptable- sugar, cake, candy etc.... the reasoning at that time was more along the lines of sugar highs lead to inevitable crashes, and the fact that the kids with the more "boring" lunches were helping the others eat their lunches instead of their own...

I love kaplods thoughts about making his food look less appealing.

Maybe you take the tough approach. You be allowed to feed him nutritious food or she finds another babysitter. Start maybe by using the same foods but healthier versions (make the beans in your kitchen & add some turkey franks), Ramen noodles in a veggie broth instead of the salty packets they come with???
I don't know how close friends you are with her, but I'm sure you don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel you're attacking her choices. Maybe tell her you're kids are feeling they want to eat what he's eating and in good conscience you need to "healthy up" the choices.... little by little, day by day he may go for this :)

Thank you for all the wonderful advice!! I am going to have to suck it up and talk to them though, somehow. I'm not necessarily a confontational person. We aren't "best friend" close, but we do hang out often.

OH, and I took a sip of his juice today to see what it tasted like. You know those Ice-E-Pops you put in your freezer.... it tastes like those. Sugar water.... tastes good and sweet, I can see why he likes it but it certainly doesn't taste like fruit juice of any kind.

A lot of times you can difuse the situation by making it someone else's fault (rather than hers or yours).

You could do things like tell her that you wanted to get some of the "low sugar juice" that she found for your kids, and you were so mad to find out that it didn't even contain juice at all, and how wrong it is that the company can mislead parents like that....

Or tell her things that you "recently" found out (though you may have known all along) and how you had no idea it was so bad for kids....

The indirect approach may work better. Or at least warm her up for the day you ask her to stop bringing in stuff that you don't want your kids to eat. She may think you're becoming a "health nut," but might be less likely to see it as a personal attack.

Not that there's anything wrong with the direct approach, but if you hate confrontation, the indirect approach can sometimes help you avoid it (though it is a lot more work, and sometimes requires a little acting ability).

I'm definately the indirect approach kinda gal! I've recently taken over as the manager of the store I've worked in for 5 years. With an owner who will actually back me up in my decisions. Now, I'm one of THEM to my co-workers and last week I started acting like one. One of the techniques I use is to make things "nobody's fault".... like the customer who told the owner how his sandwich was so nasty and soggy .. (I made the decision not to keep tomatoes on the premade sandwiches and I knew the deli girl would have a problem so I just blamed it on an unknown customer- no face lost) and now we only do tomatoes by special request. :) Oh and I had a day old sandwich yesterday for lunch and it was unbelivable how fresh it actually tasted without that tomato. Thursday I have to deal with er fingernails. It's really hard being a boss to a friend.

Anyways, I think the idea will kind of be the same. I am really interested to hear how this goes for you (and david).

You could tell her too that slight changes would help. Like adding veggies to the beans and weenies, or switching to Juicy Juice (it is 100% juice and oh so yummy), try also being sneaky.....he liked cheetos....go for carrots. Maybe since they look the same he will try it. Also as Rachael Ray always says if you cover the veggies with stuff the kids won't know. He likes ramen noodles...make your own version with healthier noodles and veggies. Honestly, if he is drinking and eating nothing but sugar that could potentially rot out his baby teeth through to the regular ones. Not to mention all the health problems. It's so sad when they have trained him to eat like that.

My mom used to babysit for kids before she had us and she said she had one little boy like that and she made him try the stuff. She wouldn't give in and eventually he would try it. What was crazy was he had never touched grass before in his life (he was 3 or so years old) So my mom was outside with the other kids barefoot and she took him out there and he started screaming. She just slowly introduced him to things and it worked out.

From a psychology standpoint the idea of making the good food look amazing and the stuff he is eating look just average that is a really good thought. It's reinforcement. If you make the stuff you made look absolutely amazing for your kids and you and then his stuff just look ho-hum he will eventually want to try it.

Hope this helps....I have no experience with children however I am nearly a BS in psychology. :) Good Luck

Gosh... just read this, and I find it SOOO sad. He is eating food that is not only nutritionally void but FULL of high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, etc. She is setting him up for a future of ill health, likely obesity, and very likely type 2 diabetes.

I wonder if you could anonymously submit them to the show "Honey, We're Killing the Kids." They are an ideal case for the show because the kid's health is in dire risk, and the family needs to totally overhaul their eating.

It's an interesting idea, but not very practical. I think the odds of getting social services involved would be much greater than the odds of getting them on a tv show. They're not going to accept am anonymous nomination when there are thousands of people trying to get on the show. Besides, they'd probably out you on the show for more "dramatic" effect.

Besides, while I do like watching the show, I believe their tactics are more entertaining than effective. I wonder how many people maintain these changes after the crew leaves, or even makes more modest, but permanent changes.

Change is difficult and "bootcamp" style changes have a pretty poor history of long-term success. It's good entertainment to completely makeover these families from day 1, but that isn't a change that most people are going to stick with. They're going to revert to old, comfortable habits very quickly.
I'm not just guessing here either, I'm going by the research (My master's degree is in developmental psychology which covers the physical and psychological development of the human being from birth to death, including learning, language, and behavior)

The show wants you to see kids kicking and screaming at the dinner table, so they make such drastic changes that even the parents are going to be skeptical (at best). When working with kids (and even most adults, even us here) is starting with small easily doable (and therefore painless) changes, and working slowly, but steadily towards progressively more advanced goals.

They used to have him on Juicy Juice... then they found this stuff and was roped in by the "less sugar" thing... I don't think that they even thought about the fruit factor....

Funny you mentioned the carrot switch-a-roo for Cheetos. I actually tried that the other day. We had some of those tiny baby carrots. So I put one in front of him. He got so excited, picked it up, looked at me with a very disgruntled look, put it back down and stared at it like it might kill him.

Everyone on here has degrees in some form of Psychology. I used to want to do that for the LONGEST time. It was always my favorite subject in school (high school and college). I took it twice in college.... I aced it both times... I just enjoyed it so much the first time I wanted to do it again...lol

That's silly about the Juicy Juice thing, the sugar in it is coming from natural sugars in the fruit. Some people. There are times I know you have to say that's there kid it's not my place, but I don't think this is one of those cases. They are setting him up for such a bad future. I dunno.

Too funny about the carrots, I actually thought there might be a chance he would try it.

I enjoy Psychology quite a bit and sense there are so many different areas people can go into it's growing more and more popular. I am pursuing a BS right now and then I'm going to go on to get my MS in behavioral psychology to work with dogs. :)

Hope you find a way to help

You could try starting with sweeter versions, like this recipe for maple glazed carrots (from the About.com section "Veggie Reciples Our Kids Eat"). Baby steps :) Also, the parents of the little girl I nanny for use half 100% fruit juice (pomegranate, mostly) and half water - the kids can't tell the difference and it makes it much healthier.

8 Medium sized carrots
1/2 c Fresh orange juice
3 T Maple syrup
1 Pinch of nutmeg
3 T Butter

PREPARATION:
Peel carrots; cut into sticks. Pour the orange juice into a 4 cup microwave safe dish. Heat 1 minute at high . Add the carrots. Stir to coat the carrots with the orange juice. Cover and microwave 8 to 9 minutes at high.

Stir again, then add the remianing ingredients. Microwave, uncovered 2 minutes at high. Stir then check for doneness. If necessary, cook another 1 minute at High.

Even whole juice really isn't all that great a beverage for small children (or adults for that matter), especially as more than an occasional treat, because the calorie count rises so much more quickly than the nutrients, and from a bottle the sugars (natural or not) pool around the bases of the teeth and rot the teeth (until you've seen a severe case of bottlemouth, from parents putting their babies and toddlers to bed with a bottle of milk or juice, it's hard to imagine how bad this can be, sometimes rotting teeth, before they emerge from the gums).

There really isn't much difference between apple juice and Kool-Aid. It's really a shame, because if kids' tastebuds aren't warped by concentrated sweetness, they do love fresh fruit. I remember as kids, we would beg for whole oranges when they were out of season (we didn't have to beg when they were cheap) so we could make slices or wedges (we called "smiley's). I never did learn to like fruit juices unless they were diluted, even orange juice (the acid always burned the corners of my mouth, no matter how little I drank).

Still, you have to start somewhere, and people don't always deal well with drastic change.

Probably already said, but water down the juice a little bit more each day, until it's just flavored water -- Also, maybe suggest to her it's easier for your to just make the same lunch for everyone -- if he's hungry enough, he will eat it (we had to do that with our son when he was younger). Maybe even start by telliing him he has to eat two or three bites of the "good stuff" before he can have his junk food. I doubt you can change her mind -- parent's are stubborn!! I think most of us feel what we are doing is okay, or we wouldn't be doing it. Good luck, they are luck to have you for a babysitter!!!

Update
 

Well, today was Beans 'n Weenies day for David.... yay!

So, I revolted. I made spagetti today for my kids for lunch using 97% lean beef and whole grain noodles. I decided to give some to David for lunch too. I also made some veggies (I cook fresh garlic, onion, zuccini and mushroom in some EVOO). I picked out the zuccini pieces for my kids, and some for David as well. I gave him his first bite of spagetti and he LOVED it! :carrot: Next bite.... a chunk of zuccini. I put it in his mouth and he immediately spit it out and made a face like he was about to vomit. But, I told him sternly "David, bite. David, eat it". I held out another bite of spagetti and told him to eat the bite of zuccini and he'd have another bite of spagetti. AND HE ATE THE ZUCCINI!!!! So, we continued that way the entire lunch. Bite of spagetti, bite of zuccini. With each bite of zuccini, he looked less and less grossed out by it. He probably ate 5 or 6 good size chunks of it!! :woohoo: Everytime he'd eat a bite of it, I'd praise him. Tell him how proud I was of him, etc.

At the end of lunch, I decided to see if he'd eat some fresh fruit. I tried grapes and bananas. He held both up to his tongue and licked them very cautiously. Then immediately threw them down and turned his face. He wouldn't even try them! Tomorrow I'll try apples and pineapple. I do know he likes watermelon. We don't have any watermelon right now though.

I try not to give him his juice when he's here. I either give him the 100% fruit juice we have or water. I looked closer at the label on his juice and it says it's 50% less sugar than regular fruit juice. But contains less than 2% of natural and artificial flavors. The first 2 ingredients are water and high fructose corn syrup. It also says "not a significant source of fiber, vitamin A, iron and Vitamin C. I compared this to my kids juice that says "contains pure filtered water, concentrated apple juice, vitamin C" He will hardly drink the fruit juice I give him, so he mainly drinks water - even that is a last resort for him.

Things got rocky with us and his parents last week. I watch David for $50 a week. Since they are our friends, we decided to watch him for a sharp discount compared to a daycare (daycares charge between $100-$125 a week!). Somewhere along the way they decided they couldn't afford $50 a week and decided they'd just pay me $30 a week!! They still owe me for the past 2 weeks. So, I told them I couldn't watch him for less than $50 a week! For $30 a week, as long as he's here everyday (from 7:30am until 5 or 5:30 PM / 5 days a week), that's about $0.60 an HOUR! So, once they couldn't find anyone else to watch him, they decided they'd just have to "come up with" $50 a week. I have yet to see any money from them (other than the $30 they gave the hubby for gas a week ago so he could get to work). If they go another 2 weeks without paying me anything, I will be telling them that I can't watch David anymore. I feel kind of like I'm being used by them for cheap babysitting. Yes, we're their friends, and if they ever needed a date night, we'd gladly watch him for free! But, having him here 5 days a week, close to 10 hours a day is a JOB. I don't think they see it that way. I think they see it as we're their friends so we should watch him for whatever they can afford. It wouldn't bother me so much if they weren't going out to eat 2-3 times a week, she drives down nearly 40 miles one way once a week to have lunch with him (waste of gas!), he somehow has all this money to buy xbox games, etc. Yet, they can't afford $20 more per week for someone to watch their son. If they acted a little worse off then they tell us they are, it'd be a little easier to believe. Heck, aside from the fair, I can't remember the last time we had enough extra cash sitting around to go out to eat!

Okay...well, that's my vent for the day! I did get David to eat Zuccini!! WHOOHOO!!! But things with his parents are getting more and more rough :(

Even if they are 'friends' you are being taken advantage of. Here I pay £3.50 (approx $7) an hour for my 8 y.o to be looked after for 3 hours a day (one hour before and 2 hours after school). Please don't allow this to continue.

Kitty

If they were your "friends" they wouldn't be taking advantage of you like this. Watching their child should be invaluable to them and they should appreciate more than they obviously do. At $50 a week, I'm sure they know they are getting an incredible bargain, they are just abusing it. You don't owe them anything, if you decide not to watch him anymore, please don't feel guilty, you have done more than your share. I have a friend that does daycare and she is abused much like you constantly, it's the love of kids that keeps her going, but eventually, enough is enough. You could watch the child of someone you "aren't friends with" and make three times as much. Good luck.

What about the tax credit people get for child care. If they are not taking advantage of it, they should. And if they are taking advantage of it, they're making a profit by having you babysit.

I found this thread interesting.

My step son eats a diet like that, only maybe add sugary drinks, chicken nuggets and french fries. It really is because his mother feeds him like that, and makes chicken nuggets when its something he doesn't like, really a bad idea as a child gets older. My step son has the opposite problem, he is very underweight and small. Its because of his diet.

Does "David" have developmental delays or odd social behaviors?? Kids with PDD or Aspergers or Autism often are very restricted eaters. The good old "If they get hungry enough they will eat the healthy food" does not work with them. Just a thought.

We have a daughter who eats healthy and a son with mild Aspergers who does not, even though we have used the same techniques with him. He is not allowed to subsist on junk, but won't eat fruits or veggies either. His main foods are milk, mac&cheese, peanut butter, hot dogs, etc.

You might try a bingo card posted on the refrigerator. The bingo card should have a theme, like fruits or veggies or new tastes. Each time one of your children or David eats a new fruit or veggie or tastes a new food, they cover a space. WHen they get 5 in a row, they get BINGO. They could earn a prize or reward he covets. :)

Michelle

Hey Michelle - thanks for your advise! I am not watching "David" anymore though. We are still in communication with his mom and dad (mainly because his dad and my hubby work together), but we moved about 30 minutes away so it was inconvenient for them to have to bring him to our new house in the mornings. His grandmother now watches him.

I have often wondered if he had some sort of developmental delays or other problems. I'm not being rude. He's nearly 2 (he'll be 2 next month) and doesn't say any words - he just grunts or screeches depending on the mood he's trying to convey. He reminded me of a caveman with the way he grunted. Our daughter is about a month and a half younger than "David" and her vocabulary is through the roof. I know it was a source of frustration for Davids parents when they came to pick him up and our daughter would be blabbering in near-sentences and David wouldn't even say anything. (YES, I do realize that every child is different and every child reaches milestones at different times - I was just surprised that at nearly 2 years old, he's not even trying to say any words).

So - there is a little bit of an update. David now stays with his grandma during the days. I know he's been sick 3 times in the past month that he's been there. His grandmother is really obese and from what David's dad has told us she sits around all day and watches TV and eats Cheetoh's. But she's watching David for free. So, you get what you pay for I guess.

And, they have yet to pay me for the first 3 weeks I babysat and the last week that I babysat, so I'm not really all that enthused about having what conversation that we do have. Oh well, live and learn.