I tried to pm this to Belle, but it's too long, sorry. Now everyone can hear about the compelling romantic misadventures of my early twenties! That's sarcasm.

Belle-
General sentiment is that you should get rid of the guy and although it may be emotional, I have to agree.
I dated a guy about three years ago who would flipflop between being very affectionate and darling and then, instantly, he'd be very cold, very distant and sometimes really mean. I put up with the crappy times in desperate hope that when he decided to be nice again, it would last. In the meantime I would absolutely obsess over the details of our relationship and ruthlessly criticize everything about myself. On some level, I believed that it really was all my fault and that my shortcomings made him unhappy. I wasn't very comfortable with him, but I thought very highly of him and wanted him to approve of me. Looking back, it was absolute torture. He eventually dumped me and it was, admittedly, hard to get over. But I can say without a doubt that he did me a HUGE favor. He was never going to change and I was so wrapped up in getting him to love me that I had lost all sense of autonomy and self-respect. The funny thing about it now is that I never knew him well enough to be sure if I even liked him as a fellow person or if I would even want him for a friend. Most distinctly, I realized later that I didn't even respect him and I never want to be so attached to anyone who I can't trust to conduct themselves according to the basic tenets of decency.
I was really sad when he left, it's true. But it was more the staggering lack of self-identity, it was sort of shocking. I was so utterly disgusted with myself for the concessions I had made to retain the affection of someone so obviously uninterested in my feelings, my dignity, my general welfare. I had looked to him to reward me for my devotion with, at the very least, a little bit of love, but he never did. When he was gone, I was alone with my thoughts and my grief and my overwhelming regrets. I was convinced that I was in love with him. I don't think I was, now, but more that I really wanted him to be in love with me. I thought if he loved me, I would be special.
If he's not acting consistently appreciative towards you, minus the standard moods associated with long days, taxes, the flu, etc., please consider that he's telling you, not in words but in action, that you're not as important to him as you want to be. That's really all you need to know. You can't change his feelings for you and you can't change yourself to make him love you and perhaps this roller coaster is as good as it's ever going to be. If you want more than that for yourself, you may have to be willing to be lonely for awhile and sad, but you'll have your self-respect and you won't have the perpetual dread of him calling it off. They may not keep you warm at night, but they won't make you cry.
Think about it, pretty please. We all feel for you.
Anti-depressants take the edge off of the devastation, but if he's still around and bringing you down, I'm not sure they'll help you much.
Good luck to you.

Belle -

We're all rooting for you. I can't tell you whether or not you should take the drug. But I can tell you that your mental well being is more important than losing weight.

So, all I can say is that don't let weight gain keep you from getting better.

Whether taking this med is good for you or not, maybe you could do some research over the net or something and make a decision that way. But definately don't let weight gain get in the way of your recovery!

I had some depression in high school. I never went to see a doctor about it, so I never had a presecription for anything. But I used to cry all the time for no reason. And even today I don't know what was wrong all those years ago. I do know that the best thing to do is surround yourself with people who love you and tell you often how important you are. Having people around who make you feel small are unimportant can be really damaging. Because no matter how they make you feel - it's wrong because you are loved and you are important. And you need to be around people who let you know how much you mean to them. Anyone else needs to be put on the back burner until you've realized how important and loved you are! That was the only way I made it through!

We're here for you!

Lisa

WOW~
 

Hi Girls,

so much to respond to~

Kirsty~ the weather girl thing sounds cool, I would hire you if it was my decision :D

Janet~ thanks for the info about acct. I just started my MBA and one of my classes is acct. for managers so this is where I had my insight. I'm thinking when I have kids I don't want a "full" time gig but more something I can do partly and not have to worry about when I am not in the office and such. Ideally I wouls like to work from home. My prof for acct. is cool and is a CPA.

Belle~ I went thru all kinds of depression before and I went as far as asking my doc for anti-depressants too and I wavered about whether I wanted to screw with my natural chemicals and such. I agree with what everyone else said....first take the actions that you can to straighten things out in your life. Take a personally inventory of things and write down what the feelings you have about the inventory. I was also with a roller coaster man and like someone else said he did me a huge favor dumping me. Cause I was so trapped in the roller coaster I wouldn't have dumped him. Anyways when we were up we were soaring but when we were down it was awful. To me, it sounds like your bf has a very small if any amount of respect for you. Why is he checking out other girls anyways, and a new girl in the office and you get warned? That boy just doesn't deserve you plain and simple. You are a great girl. There is someone out there that will give you everything you want and need~~~NEVER EVER SETTLE! If I had settled I would never be where I am, and now I am able to be who I really am. Good luck with it all and remember you aren't alone.

BF said there were some lay-offs at work but so far not him. This is our/my worst nightmare. I already feel guilty for not brining in a full time income. I hope and pray everything will be okay.

Gotta go start dinner and get some laundry done.

Have a good one! Hi to everyone!

9 p.m. Still at work ...
 

Just a quick note to apologize to everyone for being such a whiner all week! As soon as I get this annoying story done I will be a different person. Promise. A four-day weekend won't hurt either. :D

I'm also a little excited my b/f said he could take a couple days off next month, when we're going to Virginia Beach for my cousin's wedding. After the wedding we're going to drive to the Outer Banks (in North Carolina) and camp out for a night on the beach! Yay! I LOVE the Outer Banks. One of my very favorite places on earth. I haven't been there in at least a year, though. For those of you who aren't familiar with them, the Outer Banks is a chain of barrier islands off the coast of N.C. Lots of white sand, beautiful beaches, wild ponies ... I love it.

OK, back to work. Gotta finish so I can get home and pack to drive to Connecticut tomorrow!