Harketh, wherefore art thou 3FC girls?

OK I couldnt' think of anything good this early in the morning. It's 6:45am and I have been in teh office for about a half hour. Busy busy busy. My washer dryer come tonight so I am excited.

WE left sooo early there was no line at Tim HOrtons I am a happy camper. Cuz lets face it, there is not always time for Tim Hortons...

Last night I was almost OEing. I ate a Wendys taco salad for dinner, then wouldn't you know it at like 8pm (while watching Canadian Idol) I got the munchies. I ended up having 2 cheesestrings, a whole red pepper and a small FF yogurt. It was "binging", just on healhty stuff. I also missed WI b/c my Gram's last night so I was visiting her all evening. I 'll go Saturday morning before my family outing. All of us girls (mom, 2 sisters and one niece) are goingto get mom 's hair cut and highlighted and then to lunch for her 64 b-day, which is tomorrow. Mom is super happy.

SO.....I am going to be SLP (super low points) til then.

Anyone have any successes to report? I could use some motivation!! Also, HAS anyone been to OEA? Just curious if they really attack the root of the eating. I know I have a body that hangs on to fat, but I also have tendancies toward overeating, esp with certain triggers, such as boredom, feeling out of control of other aspects of my life, stress, being sick...wow - when do I NOT overeat?

Anyway, write if you can today ladies - it's lonely this early!!

Hello, all! Work has started monitoring our internet usage, so I'm trying to keep it to a minimum. I've decided today that I am definitely going to call our Employee Assistance Program about binge eating disorder. I didn't think I had it, but when I was writing in my journal last night, some thoughts/feelings just started pouring out. It occurred to me that I am obsessed with food. Literally. It's all I think about. When one meal is finished, I'm thinking about the next one already. Eating is literally my favorite thing to do. I tried to think of some other things I really enjoy doing and of course, they all involved eating in one way or another. That is not normal.

So, that's what's going on here. I have to take my car tonight to get my hail damage looked at. (We got some major storms here in the last couple of weeks). The hail that got my car was golf-ball size. After that, Aaron and I are going to go out for dinner. I'm looking forward to a night spent with him. And, I don't have to go back to Subway for almost two weeks. A kid needed hours, so I gave him all of mine for next week. I need the downtime.

Belle--I wish I OA like you do--a couple of string cheeses, a yogurt, and a red pepper is not a bad binge. That was only like 6 points, right? Sometimes when I'm OP and I overeat, I try to find a reason for it and try not to make the same mistake again. So, maybe there's something to be learned from this. I have never been to OEA, but it's certainly something to consider if you feel that you could benefit from it. Your plan for your mom's B-day sounds really nice, have fun.

OK, I'm going to make that phone call now. I'll let you know if I find anything out. I gotta get some major work done now.

This is the first time we've really discussed OE in detail - I mean, we always refer to it, but don't really TALK about it...interesting. Oh, I have to run again GAH

Morning all,

I walked for 40 mins yesterday so yah me I also went to Costco and bought some healthy choice fudge bars, windshield wipers, socks, a tshit and Sacha got of lot of stuff for him. So that was good. I too watched Canadian Idol... The Montreal girls they showed were awesome... but I am not biased BTW I never mentioned this but Ryan Malcolm (The Canadian Idol) looks like a scrawny version of my ex-boyfriend... More fun personality though.

Oh I made it through all the assessment period for that job I am going after... now I see whether or not I get placed... Fingers crossed

Belle: The roots of overeating for me it's stress, habit and a lack of feeling in Control... Also when I have a lot of anxiety or am just frustrated in general or bored I eat..... I guess what I need are just new tactics for dealing with stuff. I just recently went five weeks without. I can do it, but I think to truly got over it, I need to evaluate everything a bit more... I have been trying to do this on my own, but I figure more support could never hurt right. About your extra stuff, it wasn't too bad at all, but I can relate that you just want to be done with the extra unnecessary eating etc and to undo that habit. Actually my old counsellor used to almost make fun of my binges (not exactly though, I think she meant well and she had food issues too, but I don't think she had that much training in treating EDs... I think she was just in awe of my weight-loss, I almost felt she thought I was being silly) since 90% of the stuff was "healthy", but I would eat vasts quantities.

Jess: BED has kept me from maintaining... I have blamed myself for this over and over, but to know that I am by far not alone is comforting. I wish I didn't feel guilt about certain foods, but I do... BE puts me in a nasty cycle of feeling out of control and negativity... I used to be so positive. I have called too, good for you! I think just realizing what the problem is helps.

Cheers!

Ali

Belle: well I have been to the maintainer's thread and was trying to figure out what makes them tick and why I was not succeeding with maintanence... I know a bit of my binging is physiological, but I know there is something inside of me that can control it. Cutting refined carbs has helped, but it's not a full-blown cure. I have been trying to get rid of binging for 2 + years and it hasn't worked. I cried about it on Tuesday morning and realized I am beyond fed up with it and I am willing to do whatever it takes to recover. I kind of feel like a fraud sometimes, people call me their inspiration for WL and yet I pig out until I am beyond stuffed and have been slowly yo-yoing my weight up... I still haven't discussed this with my BF and I am petrified. My pre-WL OE was different than it is now... yes I used to pig out, but not with the urgency of a binge. I think this is a topic we all like to avoid, since it is harder with our real problems with OE, but I am happy we're bringing this out in the open.

Cheers!

Ali

If I really sit down and analyze why I OE (or BE) it's probably self-sabotage. I want to be thin, but deep, deep down, I am afraid I'll turn into my sister - lost 40 lbs, gain 60 lbs, lost 30 lbs, gained 20 lbs. Everyone knows its nto a life change. But I have lost 40 lbs and KEPT IT OFF for years and so everyone knows this is me.....If I lose more, then maybe I won't be able tokeep it off, so then I am one of "those", like my sister. I am so proud of keeping it off, and it hasn't been hard for me at all - but of course, look at my stats, I am still overweight. I am still a size 16/18. So I think, deep down, I allow myself to OE during times of stress, happiness, change, boredome, for that reason.

Does that sound stupid??

Ali, I guess now that I think of it you must be in a weird position, esp with your first counsellor - it's liek that stygma that no one thin understands what it's like to be Overweight. We all assume that is true. Now that you are thin, perhaps people don't consider you to be once-overweight. YOu should just be a natural thin person now. It's a very tough spot to be in. But you are not a fraud - you are just a human.

Oh, I have to go again - I'll post later.

I hope I didn't deter anyone else from posting with my last comment (ie: being negative) I am just being honest.

PS about my sister - there was no baby weight in there, just diet/no diet/diet/no diet/diet/no diet. For about 15 years. I totally know when the babies come there is up and down and I heard the more babies, the harder it is to take off the weight...so I expect that when I have one...

Hey girls, since we are talking about WL struggles it is a good time for me to post. I have been off program for a week and a half or so. I am feeling really blah about it. DH says to shake it off and move on but I find that SO hard to do.

I have a question regarding binge eating. What do you consider binge eating??? I overeat and I think I may ?? have binged before but I have never sat down and at a huge bag of chips or whole pizza however I have had 3 candy bars from the snack bar in one day. I am just confused as to what it is exactly.

Thanks guys for bringing this topic to the forefront. It sounds like we could all relate and learn from one another.

BTW you guys have come a LONG way with your weight loss so don't lose sight of that. We will all conquer this OE or BE thing!

Morning

I've just read through all the posts and OE talk and I can easily say I eat to be happy. When I am depressed or lonely - food will be my friend and cheer me up. I was down to 180 at my sister's wedding 2 years ago and then I broke up with BF and gained back a LOT of weight trying to keep myself happy. Cause it was something no one was taking from me. Then finally I stood on the scale and realized if I didn't stop putting off going back to WW I would gain everything back. Luckily, I went back and it kept me somewhat in control over Christmas and I'm hoping to be under 200# again before I go back to school in September (that's just 10 pounds so it's not unreasonable.) I was thinking about something else though, a lot of you lovlies have signifigant others who love you. I have this strange part of me that doesn't want to lose weight because if I'm slim and find someone and they never knew the "fat" me, will they still love me if I lose weight? Stupid right? But I think it's one of the things on my mind. Funny that I couldn't identify it before now. Maybe just talking about it will help me in the long run. I need to lose the weight for ME and for ME to be healthy and that is what will make me happy.
Thanks for being there all of you and listening to the silly conclusions I've come to. I have students, I'll check back later.

KT

Becky: a bad binge for me would be half a box of cereal, spoonfuls of PB, 2 or 3 candy bars, slices of toast, 4or 5 +granola/cereal bars and who know what else AFTER eating regular meals. Bulimic quantity food, minus the purge. Trust me I would feel really sick after (so why do it right?).

Belle: yeah I think maybe parts of me still see me as a scared obese girl, maybe it is self-sabatoge. I think I should just start journalling my feelings more... maybe that would help. At least you're beginning to focus on what's eating you and I need to do that too.. I know a bit of it. It's weird, I didn't have a messed up childhood or anything either.. Granted my mom's relationship with food wasn't idealic, but I have a close family and that was good.

KT: I get the gaining weight fear too and worry about what my BF would think. I am already scared he thinks I have gained too much, no he hasn't said it or anything. Remember you are you. I was quirky fat and I am quirky thin, either way I have the same personality. I have to remind myself my BFs love extends far past what I look like.

Cheers!

Ali

KT - I was sooo in the same boat before DF b/c my old b/f of 8 years was a fatty ( he was at 300# when we split) so I wondered if anyone would want me for me and I was scared that if I were thin it would be a fraudulent love. DF has been with me since I was 40# heavier, but our fears stem from the same vien I think, you and I.

Becky - sounds like you're in a rut - I've been there too - Hey, where's Tonya to get us in the Zone?? Anyway, I think it's good we're all talking about this. I don't think I binge per se, but I do overeat. KT, in some ways, it's to be happy too. I LOVE food, I really do. And I eat til I am full, I am all about quantity, not quality.

Ali - my mom never had a good rel withi food either - mostly she ate fast food. She's chubby now (maybe 185 now) but wasn't before. I had a hard childhood with a fat-phobic father, which I know is why part of me is like this. I just never felt good enough, and I really care what others think of me. I guess it's like, if I don't lose a whole lot and become "normal", then they won't laugh at me if I gain it back.

Just before my sister's wedding (I was 19), my dad was driving me somewhere and he made a comment that he is disgusted that none of his daughters are "normal" and how he would have liked, just for one day (ie: the wedding) for us all to be normal girls walking down the aisle. We were all overwieight (and still are) and I went and told my sister and it turned into world war three. In retrospect, Ishouldn't have told her, but at the same time, that was inexcusable. Dad was a chubby kid and struggled with his weight and hates anyone overweight, especially women - too bad he has three overweight daughters and 2 chubby ex-wives.

Anyway, that has stuck with me for so long. And part of me is worried what he's thinking when I walk down the aisle in October. Although, since then, he hasn't made any fat comments (Dad made us go to a kids fat clinic when I was 5, the girls were older - we were with kids that were so fat they were in wheelchairs - meanwhile we were just chubby kids, we ran, played, skiied, swam, just like other kids) since then.

I remember the day one of my sisters hit 100# and they announced it in front of all the huge kids and then we all had to go to a shrink to talk about why we were fat. My dad had just left us and we moved here and I didn't know what was going on - I was FIVE.

So you can see, I have a long and sordid history with being fat. I have never been thin. This is the thinnest I have ever been (healthiliy that is), and I haven't been abnormal- I have always done sports and activities like the other kids. But I have never felt "normal".

BTW if any of you were wondering, I don't hate my dad for that, I have forgiven him, but I can't forget - that kind of hurt lives on, you know? Your dad is the first man you look to for approval, and when you get such disapproval, it really effect you. Like I really wanted to be a journalist and when I was 14 he said I had to lose 50lbs to be a journalist or I'd be an Oprah Winfrey. And when I wanted a piano (sooo bad all my life) he said I had to lose 50lbs to get it. I did, by starving and then within about 5 months I gained it all back and more - but I had the piano.

Woah, that was a lot of info about me....but since we're looking at reasons for OE, I thought I'd share.

I feel better just having shared that (and vulnerable too). Maybe some of you can relate...

Belle~ I think I am with you. I overeat and just feel gross. It is hard to understand why I do this when it makes me feel so disgusting after. As far as parents go my mom hardly ate at all when we were young. She would do the laxative thing too. As a kid I didn't even realize this was weird but now I remember back and see that she had an eating disorder. She would make us big dinners and eat a grapefruit. My dad was very athletic as were all of his daughters however there was a very high standard set for us due to his athleticism. I remember him making comments. He once told my petite thin sister that weighs all of 115 lbs that she had cellulite. He also makes comments about my very in shape mom who had 4 c-sections b/c her stomach isn't flat. He no longer makes these comments however I think that they stick with you. I do not believe that these continue to make me fat however I do know that they helped me develop the habit of using food as my drug of choice when coping with difficult things in my life.

Ok so now we are both vulnerable. I hope this helps you realize that you are not alone.

KT~ I used to worry about the same thing. I didn't want anyone to fall in love with the thin me (if I lost weight) b/c I may gain it back with babies etc. I however did find a man who didn't even bat an eye when I gained 25 lbs. He truly loves me for me and when you find the right one he will treat you the same.

Ali~ Thanks for the info. It seems as if the root of our overeating is the same. The stress, boredom, emotional thing.

Well now that I have BARED my soul I should get back to work.

It's amazing all the doors that sharing opens up. I didn't even think about my childhood "food triggers" until I read your post Belle. At one point in time my dad forced me to stand on the scale to try to prove to me how fat I was (I think I was 11). That started me on never standing on a scale if I could help it. It's amazing how your weight gets out of control if you don't monitor it...My mom was never "overweight" but was usually around a size 12-16 and dieted (ww actually) and I saw how my dad treated her and knew that any man who wanted me better not be obsessed with my weight because I hated that about him. It also made it much easier to start "binge eating." You eat a normal dinner with dad (who eats 3 times as much as the rest of us) - then dad goes curling or to work and the rest of us have some sort of snack. Because dad's not watching we eat lots. So it must have started early in my head. Of course, like you say Belle - I don't hold a grudge, he was trying to what he thought would help us I guess. Also, I've walked out on him when he was being rude about weight to anyone and he's learned from that.

This a really deep thread today. I hope it doesn't bring anyone down, it sure is helpful to talk about some of this stuff...

KT