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Old 09-21-2009, 10:05 AM   #1  
Wandering in the Woods
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Default Going to *eat* my way to Health & Happiness.

I have not been on the forum all summer just about. Now it's the last day of summer , and I'm anticipating my favorite time of year ~ Autumn.

I am not so sure I feel well today. Anxiety. A medium dose of very broadened anxiety that leaves me physically nervous and uncomfortable. I had a nightmare right before I woke up, no doubt the source. Also had an uncomfortable chat with my brother on the phone last night, where I had to just say “I gotta go” because I was feeling criticized.

I just realized, at 5:45 this morning, as I was out peeing my dog, and walking into the dark morning it hit me like a brick that anxiety is the root of all of my problems, especially overeating. (eating too much carbs in particular , being that carbs are the number one ‘feel good’ food, and I obviously self-medicate with that type of food. ) I think before I consider ways of cutting back on calories, I need to better think of ways to cut back on anxiety. Anxiety wasnt’ so present in my twenties, more so in my thirties, and getting pretty grim now past my mid-forties. Hormones, perimenopause, whatever the reason, there’s only one thing to do : Focus on mediation, positive self-talk…. censor negative thought loops, others who are dumping, eat clean and healthful, and exercise myself into happiness. Odd how I haven’t had any good aerobic exercise for almost two weeks, since I wrecked my back two weeks ago doing yoga (it’s getting a little better each day, but is still a real inhibitor of what I can do).

It’s the anxiety I need to pay attention to, and to really push hard on the whole-foods clean eating, pushing for the superfoods! Counting carbs or fats or calories is not the answer, because once I become a better monitor of what goes in my mouth, there won’t be room or appetite for all of that.
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:49 AM   #2  
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I'm so glad for your reflections outside today. You're really speaking to my own condition and thoughts.

I'm also off-line for injuries and have been really struggling with the negative feed-back loop. You gave nice perspective and clarification.

I got so close to my goal weight just before vacation--which was a family trip back to my native state for our annual visit to dad, sisters, nieces, aunt, cousins, etc. I was so optomistic and thrilled. I've never reached this weight. Never--in any attempt whatsoever to lose weight.

Vacation was a reminder that I can't look for validation from others for my own success ('cause it ain't coming too soon from sisters who feel their fat sister is skinnier than them). I also have to find the focus to stay my original goal--healthy. (I never actually was trying to get skinny--just lose enough weight to stop the joint pain in my lower limbs.)

I realize now that carbs are comforting when I get anxious. That's a real good point. I just want to eat and eat and eat.

Whole foods for me are my only salvation. I just steamed up my broccoli last night and have still my kasha ready from the other night's big batch. I just love eating this way. So now, when I'm eating horrible foods, I'm clearly feeding another form of me--but NOT the one I want to be.

I have a choice: feed the little chubby girl who has lots of negative thoughts or feed the healthy vibrant woman who's looking at the positive inside myself and the others around me.
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Old 09-21-2009, 11:01 AM   #3  
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Hermit Girl,

Gosh, I really hear ya on the anxiety thing and it's link to overeating. I did that too. I had lots of weeding to do in my life--I had to weed certain people, certain activities, certain self-talk. I basically had to re-priortize (is that a word) my whole life. I also have come to accept me for who I am. There are days (like today) when I have had socialization for days on end. I am TIRED of being social and all it entails. Today is a day I want to be quiet and take care of me--my mind, my heart and have a quiet spirit without it being invaded by anyone.

Good for you to tell your brother you "have to go." I know that anxious feeling when someone pushes you in a direction you don't want to go. Too many times I have stayed on the phone way too long. I am with you now-- now, I "have to go." I am through with anyone attempting to make me feel like I am less than what I was intended to be. I am enough.
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Old 09-21-2009, 06:35 PM   #4  
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I think that is why the term "stuffing down our feelings" is so on point. We literally stuff down the anxiety etc with food. Finding ways to release the pressure valve like being outdoors (with no food in grabbing distance) helps me so much, as does journaling. Best wishes and Happy Autumn.
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